I'm whacked out

Dana your last sentence is spot on! And in my case it includes balancing the needs
of a grandad who is still working ...

Brilliant idea Grannyknot!
The drawn out leaving was very draining but things are better since I introduced some of the ideas upthread like starting the leaving process early, putting on tidying up music to make it a fun thing, and a quiet time before shoes on.

Msmak, I feel for you as I am retired so don't have your 50 hour week to contend with.

I am not over fussy about tidiness but do like some semblance of order. It's a fine balance between wanting them to continue to love coming here, and having enough rules to ensure the place isn't trashed!

I've had my AC and grandchild here all week too and I hadn't quite realised how draining the long-drawn-out leaving scenario can be (it can take them an hour to get out the door) until I read this thread.

This is my strategy - I make a fast exit by saying it's time for my afternoon rest, say my goodbyes and vanish to my bedroom, knowing I can tidy up once the house is quiet again. Works for me ...

I also realise that with the current emphasis on people having children later in life (mine were in their early forties) we as grandparents are older too. I am genuinely whacked out after they've been here for a week. And I only have one grandchild!

Msmak, have you thought about meeting them at a park or going on an outing together instead of having them over to your home?
There is nothing wrong with wanting to keep you home tidy. You shouldn't have to choose

I too am exhausted after each visit with my grandkids. I work 50 hrs a week and on my days off I catch up on laundry and chores. I absolutely love and adore my grandchildren but they trash my house and put me behind. I wish I didn't care about a tidy home but I do.

It's an inflammatory arthritis Espee, some days it's very painful other days I can cope reasonably well. Aside from that I don't have any other health issues and am regularly monitored by a rheumatologist. Thanks for asking.

loveOc I am appreciative that I see so much of them, just needed ideas for coping at the end of a tiring day. There are lots of books here but the bribe of a new one is a nice idea.

Dana, apart from stiff joints you haven't mentioned any underlying medical problems so perhaps you could do with a check up from your GP.

I wouldn't mention that you are tired. If your daughter is exhausted through lack of sleep she may well take it the wrong way. Just suggest to the three year old that you both tidy up a while before they go home because you have a new book that you would like to read to her. Books can be bought so cheaply nowadays. Within a few times she will be used to this new system and can choose a book you have already got. Try to be appreciative that you are involved so much with your grandchildren. So may GN posters are not lucky like you and terribly sad because of this.

Aggie, exactly right !

It is so easy to say ignore it they grow so quickly !! but toys on the floor are a trip hazard , toys hidden are a danger ....... anyone ever sat on a Lego construction ? jigsaw pieces lost render the toy useles ...
Boxes of toys rotated are more interesting and a quiet time AFTER tidying up makes for a less stressful departure
So it is not all about being houseproud and a tidy freak , it is about comfort and safety while still having fun and love

Wow Granmarie I was expecting a some kind children's song!

That is really catchy, I used it to wash up by. Thanks for the idea- another one to try out when they next come - they are away for a week and I feel like I am on holiday too - bless them!
Yes Joyfulnanna this site seems to be a veritable gold mine of ideas.

Hi, Dana, I used to play Eliza Doolittle's Pack up song ( you'll find it on You tube) in my classroom at tidy up time. The children loved it, sang along while they were tidying and went home with smiling faces!

Yes Dana loads of good ideas from lovely Gransnetters.. This is what it's all about!

AnnS1, I now have a grabber thing. Hatpev, I love the music idea and will give it a whirl. Everyone else, thank you for the supportive messages, I am so glad now I decided to post!

Good to hear that the latest visit went better, Dana6789. However much we love them, there’s no denying they can run us ragged!

I used to visit schools and in one class of 4 year olds the teacher played a piece of music at the end of the day for tidy up time. As soon as the first bars played the children were off and putting everything away. It was fascinating to watch. I would love to roll on a good few years and play the same piece of music to them and see what happens!
Perhaps you could adopt something similar before the expected time for collection and then sit down together to read a story so they are calm when mummy arrives. Easier said than done - I know. We have 8 grandchildren but routine and expectations do help.

Oh that is good news Dana6789. I hope you felt less tired. Everyone will soon adapt.

Hetty, I completely understand your initial post and annpl thank you for your comment too. I do read some of the sad estrangement post and always feel acutely aware of how lucky I am - I really wish things were different for those estranged posters.

My issue was how can I cope better as my joint problems can be so very debilitating that I am, as I said at first, completely 'whacked out'!!

I tried the suggestions other posters gave, and the last visit was an improvement. I won't let things slide back to the chaos of before.

I just needed a little support and got it so I feel more positive so thanks to every poster!

And you are right. Children don't realise. Its only now I understand how my mum felt in her latter years.

Sorry Hetty, I was very grumpy in my comment . Probably because I would be in the same situation but would love them to live close.

OK annep1, a helpful suggestion. Maybe Dana could explain to her daughter that she's feeling tired lately.

Perhaps she could suggest shorter visits, saying that she needs a little nap now that she's nearly 70. I don't think our children realise (or notice) we are getting older - we're just Mum!

Maybe so Hetty but it doesn't help Dana.

I bet a lot of people on the 'estrangement' posts would gladly swap with you Dana!

Enjoy your GC, why worry about the mess. Be grateful you have them, what’s more important? Would you rather be sitting lonely in a clean and tidy house or surrounded by mess, laughter and love?

In our house, when my boys were little, we had a rule 'only 2 toys out each'. After all, with very few exceptions, a child can only play with one toy at a time.

Then, even before they were 3 years old, they helped to tidy up. no cajoling or jollying, it was just another game.
It was a short job and done in a trice. Something your daughter might like to adopt, as she too is tired.
Be firm and don't wait until the last minute when over-tiredness makes the children cross and awkward.

We also spent the last half-hour or so of any play time, after toys had been put away, sitting cuddled on the couch with a storybook. That calmed them down and often they just dozed off.

Play excites children and they need that calming down period.
Especially if they don't sleep well.

No screens, just quiet talking and cuddling before bedtime. My grandson sometimes needed a liquid magnesium, which their naturopath recommended.