Miss seeing new grandson

Oh the thought of having a weekend in a hotel with someone serving breakfast etc and if it's business related perhaps all paid for! How wonderfully relaxing for a new mum and dad. Don't worry NanaDiana you've got years of caring for your GC to come.Just leave them alone for a bit plan some things you want to do and they'll be asking you round before you know it!

IWhere have all these selfish young parents sprung up from? Were they always around? How did they get this way?*
Yes, how dare a woman want to recover from a major event without company.
How dare a young family want to learn to be self sufficient.

I bet if they were asking for help constantly they’d be selfish for not letting grandparents relax! I mean, we have our own lives.

Mismatched expectations doesn’t equal selfishness in all cases

Ha ha Goodmama I love guests too!

I agree, anyone who does not reside in my home is a guest.

And when I have guests I make sure my home is clean and set up for them. I am prepared to welcome them with open arms. Meals planned, children bathed (), their favorite treats stocked in the kitchen, a few activities I know they will love.

When I have guests I host them, they should be able to relax and feel loved and welcomed.

I love having guests! Especially guests I love!

I don’t think that’s true Bucklen - as Madgran77 says, there are lots of ways of being close. It doesn’t mean everyone in a close family has to do things the same.

SheilaMary has it right I think when she says it doesn’t seem personal, just new parents adjusting to a new baby.

Gonegirl, I don't consider my own mum a visitor. To me the difference between whether someone is classed as a visitor or not is whether or not they are expected to sort themselves out in my kitchen.

Gonegirl yes, everyone who doesn’t normally reside in my home has always been a visitor - even mothers and grandmothers irrespective of the love we have for them.
Mmmn, maybe, now I think about it, grown-up children can get away with not actually being visitors... but I’m pleased they have their own places to go home to!

Regarding the original post, if you are desperate to help, just make extra dinner when you cook and then the spare meals can be frozen for the new family. Soon you’ll have a few tasty offerings ready to go. If you don’t hear from them you can then call to arrange to drop them off. Win win. Just don’t stay too long!
Congratulations on your new grandchild.

Bucklen Close families don't behave like this . Is there something else going on ?

Close families all have different ways of being close surely!

I'm so sorry to hear this .
It must be difficult.
It's not the habit/ practice of a generally healthy family dynamic, especially for those living so physically close to each other . Are ther other issues? Has there been tension in the past?
Close families don't behave like this . Is there something else going on ?

polnan don’t be sad. Your grandchildren have a stay at home mum! That’s fantastic. They are very lucky.

So you don’t feel alone, here’s an example.

When I was born my dad has to go back to work the next day. So my grandma came down to help my mom.

When my daughter was born my husband had 4 weeks paternity leave that he was “encouraged and expected” to take from work.

It was wonderful to learn all the baby things together. He really dug in at home and it bonded us even more.

Grandparents visited at 4 weeks when we were healed, comfortable and ready for guests.

My son will be here in about a month. My husband has a new job with ..... 12 weeks paternity leave. We are so excited. Once we get passed the rough first 6 weeks we plan on enjoying the holidays as a family of four. And we cannot wait to start building memories with our complete family.

I agree that expectations are the problem here. I know it hurts to have ones expectations not met, but try to adjust and think of the long run.

It’s not so much “what’s wrong with all these young new parents”. They are living their lives and enjoying their new families. The new moms are recovering from childbirth, adjusting the mommyhood. New dads are taking care of their wives and adjusting to daddyhood. There’s no need for anyone else. Parents have it covered.

These days dads have a lot more flexibility and the expectation is on them to take care of their new family in these new precious weeks. In the past dads went back to work right away and new moms needed their mom or mil to help.

Luckily dads are viewed differently now and are a critical part of a newborns life.

However, I realize that is hard for new grandparents to understand.

It’s just changing times. Not intended to hurt anyone, in fact intended to support the nuclear family.

But I understand change is hard and if you always expected to be included, needed and wanted in your son/daughter’s post partum time that it would be hard to rearrange your expectations.

Where have all these selfish young parents sprung up from? Were they always around? How did they get this way?
Gonegirl this seems a bit OTT. If they dont want help/ other people whoever they are ...well hard as it may be that is the way it is! It's not that the OP has never seen her new grandchild, just not as much as she expected. That is hard for her, but like many others she is learning about grand parenting as a new grandparent and possibly about the shift in relationships when AC become parents themselves. I sympathise with her fristration/sadness/disappointment but in reality these new parents have to find their own route through new parenthood!

Starlady, as usual your advice is wonderful

Sadly in my experience, yes Gonegirl!

Congratulations NanaDiana!

Your son and dil seem to have made their wishes clear, (even if they haven't told you yet) by posting on facebook.
All you can do is accept it.

Expect nothing and give up on facebook.
Because it could be heart breaking for you if you keep getting glimpses of their life with gc.
They may loosen up as time goes on, and I do hopes so for all your sakes.

What ever their reasons, keeping your thoughts to yourself will serve you in good stead for the future.

I know I sound proscriptive, but its just because I've been there and I would like you to benefit from my experience (misfortune?).

wishing you all the best.

Are parents really classed as "visitors" these days? Even mum and dad?

I would think under those circumstances aggie you would welcome a little help from mum or mil.

You are exausted , sore bum , sore boobs ,up to your neck in poo and boke , want a bit of time to slob in pjs and not tidy up for visitors for a few weeks ! and you get labelled selfish ?????? really G0negirl ????

Where have all these selfish young parents sprung up from? Were they always around? How did they get this way?

Glad the comments here helped, NanaDiana! I just think you had different expectations than DS and DIL, and you're a little disappointed that your expectations haven't been met. Truly, though, you have seen your new GS a few times in a couple of weeks and that's quite a lot. They obviously enjoy traveling w/ him, etc. so please don't take it personally. Meanwhile, congratulations to all!

Give them space. Stop offering to do things. The baby is only 2 weeks old....let them have family time...so important at this time. Wait until you are asked. Sounds hard I know but will be best in the long run.

Haha! Texting YOUR dil, not mine to see if help is needed ?

Hi NanaDiana ?. Are you in text contact with your son or your dil? If your son is anything like mine I wouldn’t have a clue what was going on, but my lovely dil is really good at messaging me with anything that I need to know about. Might be worth texting her to see if help is needed. Good luck and congratulations on your new little one

I have the opposite problem. Rarely a day goes by without seeing at least 1 of my grandchildren. After they were all born I was on cooking duty, making meals for them, which I would either take round or they would come and eat, but I put no expectancy on them staying afterwards. DD2 now puts up on calendar when I am needed for babysitting duties, whilst DD1 sends me dates by text asking if I can help out.
However it is not just these times I see them, as both families visit several times a week, often together. I know I am very lucky and as a family we are very close, but sometimes I do wish I had a bit more ME time.

NanaDiana I ll just add my congratulations it s hard to stand back but it’s not our child and neither is it the days when families all lived together or close by each other and relied on each other the worlds a bigger place now
I m sure there will be many times you will be called on in the future just take it slowly for now