The hardest thing of being a gandma

Dear GagaJo, thank you! I was beginning to think it is not safe to voice concerns here I appreciate your kindness, and your (non adversarial) response that for you (and for some others here too) there are quite a many of worse concerns at play. Actually, it is not just the food for me either, except that is what is most visible and knowable for me. My grandson's stepfather (I do not even know if his mom actually married him) is the macho cowboy dude who thinks boys should not cry. He has told my grandson that if he cries, he'll put him in a dress. So yes, there is more awry in this young boy's life away from his dad than just bad food.

I posed my question to hear about others' experiences. It breaks my heart for everyone else with concerns, small or large regarding grandchildren. As a parent we hold the reigns, but as grandparents we are pushed outside of the paddock and allowed to be mere onlookers !

Chewbacca, I agree with all you said, but I take issue with you dissing my healthy zucchini bread .

The tragedy is that the neglect and abuse of children is causing the sorry state of the world we currently live in. Think of all the emotional pain and scars they will carry into adulthood and will be passed along to their own children.
The tragedy too is that (as far as I know) no country is doing anything to help prevent this neglect and abuse. Kids are really invisible in this world and not much cared for by society at large. Parents are not taught what kids need to grow up healthily.

Wise words BradfordLass! Thank you.

I looked at the YouTube link, but it struck me as being an exercise in the bleeding obvious dressed up to be something that no-one had ever thought of before.

I always work on the basis that a mother's place is in the wrong. All children blame their parents for something or another. I did, but never directly to them, which is a relief because now I am older and wiser I realise all the problems my parents faced and realise that all things considering they did very well.

DD laid into me once about my parenting skills and one point of her life. Her memories did not agree with mine. I discussed it with DH and DS who seemed to think her memory was partial, but I accept I was not a perfect parent and there was truth underlying everything.

As for my DGC. no, I am not aware of anything hard about being a Grandmother, mainly because, unless the children are in real physical or emotional harm, and they aren't, it is none of my business how my DS and DDiL bring up their own children.

I would not have brooked my parents and parents-in-law commenting or otherwise on our child rearing methods so why should I think I can judge or worry about my child's parenting.

Yes, they are a lot less tidy than I am. The children are fed differently, but in many ways DS and DDiL are better parents than we were. They have a wide circle of friends, who, by chance, are mainly childless, so DGC are surrounded by a significant group of people who know and care about them, who enrich their lives by their many interests and widen their world.

Once grandparents we all need to learn how to live and let live.

What is zucchini bread we don’t get it over here nor do we have jelly sandwiches so some of this may be down to translation
To the poster who was upset about their daughter not breast feeding it’s really not your business I gave up because it hurt I had mastitis second time didn’t even try third time however my son grew up strong and fit and runs 100 mile races

MOnica you said: " it is none of my business how my DS and DDiL bring up their own children."

Legally that is true, but because of that many children are not getting their developmental needs met, and so the cycle continues, as I mentioned in a reply to Chewbaca.

BlueBelle, zucchini bread is made with courgettes; it is really more like a cake, but the Americans call that bread.

To be honest I think we can overstate how much what a child eats can effect their development and health.

There was an interesting article in ^The New Scientist' a couple of weeks ago, www.newscientist.com/article/mg24332380-000-why-everything-you-know-about-nutrition-is-wrong/ pointing out how poor most nutritional research is and how contradictory and that most recommendations on what makes up a 'good' diet are as much educated guesswork as backed up by good science.

Are your grandchildren visibly ill and underfed? I doubt it. If they are bouncing around and acting like normal children, then what they are eating is unlikely to be doing them any serious harm.

Hithere, healthy food concerns me because growing children need good nutrition! Here in the U.S. the situation regarding food for kids is probably a lot worse than in the UK! So many convenience and processed foods, including those Lunchables (just crackers with slices of cheese and meat, and a cookie)

I was raised with healthy foods in the Netherlands. Whole grain bread with cheese, and yes, also a slice with chocolate sprinkles, or jam, but at least always something wholesome along with something sweet, and milk with meals.

I continued that as best I could with my own children.

And, out of curiosity, what is the other 99% of parenting

TerriBull Here in the U.S. jelly is like jam, but without the fruit in it.

I’d be more concerned about the complicated family situation you describe, FunOma - shared custody, ex dil, stepfather who doesn’t want boy to cry, than the food.

Apart from food, other aspects of parenting I’d consider important would be: plenty of love and affection, being consistent, some kind of routine. Probably lots of others, but unfortunately none of these are in the control of a grandparent. We’ve had our chance to be parents, now we have to let the next generation get on with it.?

MOnica "Are your grandchildren visibly ill and underfed? "

No, but my grandson (8) already has two caps on his molars, and one molar was just pulled. So, oral hygiene is not a priority when he is with his mom.

Regarding foods, if there is no balance, it is bad! Occasional pizza? Fine, Occasionally a donut? Fine. But most of the time these edibles (cannot even call them food) are replacing real food, especially in kids who need their meals, but get filled up on such empty calories.

And here is an interesting article on sugar consumption in the U.S. Too much sugar is bad for anyone's health!

" “Added sugars,”—the type of food manufacturers add to processed or packaged products, as opposed to those naturally present in whole foods—seem to be particularly unhealthy."

"the average daily added-sugar intake among kids between 1 and 2 years old ranges from 5.5 to 7 teaspoons, which works out to between 23 and 29 grams, approximately.

For older kids, meaning those ages 2 to 18, the AHA says daily added-sugar intake should not exceed 25 grams, which equates to roughly 6 teaspoons. Unfortunately, the average American youth blows past this safety threshold: data collected by the CDC show that, between 2009 and 2012, the average American child consumed 19 teaspoons of sugar every day"

From: time.com/5640428/sugar-kids-vs-adults/

For fun see how big a mound 19 teaspoons is!

Farmor you are very right. Many more important issues than food, but food is the one most noticeable to me. The others concern me also, clearly! Grandson has been cared for by us (me mostly) since he was 18 months old. We are a safe, happy place for him where he can be without step siblings and has time alone and one-on-one time with me.

Now that his mom is taking him to school during the weeks she has him, we will no longer see him, so I can no longer send him off to school with a healthy breakfast, and have him brush his teeth before he goes.

The most concerning is that he will be missing out on that alone time at our house, and I know it bothers him also. So, yes...there are many things that are hard about being a grandparent!

There is a problem with food in US- a lot of added sugar, as you say, FunOma. I lived there for a year in 70s and put on a bit of weight. Unless you cook own food from scratch, it’s hard to control the hidden sugar in food.

However, despite relatively poor diet, most American children grow up reasonably healthy. When I was growing up in Ireland in 1950s, people ate a lot of sugar- 2 or 3 teaspoons in every cup of tea, and a lot of tea was drunk! Lots of white bread and jam and bags of sweets (candy). Little processed food was eaten, but a lot of sugar.

I don't worry about what they eat. I'm the grandparent who gets to enjoy their company, not the parent.

I do worry that, due to our short-sighted, greedy and irresponsible behaviour and life choices, we are leaving them on a dying planet.

Maggiemaybe said, "it is a bit worrying seeing your grandchild being fed sugared doughnuts for breakfast, but it may be all he will eat,"

He actually does love healthy foods, so I'm glad he at least has been exposed to that, and gets it when he is with us. I never give him sweets at my house, but fruits he loves, instead.

Hetty wrote "I do worry that, due to our short-sighted, greedy and irresponsible behaviour and life choices, we are leaving them on a dying planet."

Yes, that worries and pains me too! I raised my kids with environmental awareness since they were young, after watching great kid shows on the subject, on German television when we lived in Bavaria for five years. It opened my eyes and I have not been able to close them since. Have been washing Ziploc plastic baggies to be reused for thirty years. Still do it . I made the mistake in believing my children's peers/generation would be able to help improve the world and save the rain forest for instance, but look where we are . So, rather than burden my grandkids with the hope to help save anything, I just want to show them how marvelous the natural world is, and let them find solace there.