A dil who needs advice ☹

What a horrible woman, she needs taking down a peg or two.

She is definitely bullying you and you need to tell your husband about it, he needs to be 100% on your side with this.

You need to both tell her, in no uncertain terms, that any more rudeness or snide comments directed at you, will not be tolerated and the consequence will be that she will be kept away from you and the baby.

She will probably try to turn it around that she was only joking or that you don't understand her banter. Don't fall for this!
Repeat that the behaviour will not be tolerated and the consequences.

Stop this bullying now! Good Luck!

I would try saying, in as even a tone as you can manage, "that's a very unpleasant thing to say" and if you're in her home gather your things and go home. If it's said whilst you're at home you should say something to the effect that it would be best of she went home now as you don't want any cross words in front of the baby. I would also make sure you tell your husband everything that's been said and leave it to him to have any confrontation with her.

My reply to nasty comments is did you mean that to be funny or just unkind?

Maybe its her (odd way) of making a joke. Perhaps you could say something like oh really thats intersting, I think he looks like you when he does that!

I agree with Bradford Lass. My husband used to go and see his Mother alone, she wasnt interested in the rest of us,If she had been I would have expected my husband to say something to her.

Definitely an insult. Agree with Mealybug and those who suggested that you throw it back at her.

She sounds very insecure and that's why she behaves the way she does. I would ignore her comments and see them for what they are the behaviour of a desperate woman trying to hold on to her son.
She sees you as a threat and that was clear from her very first interaction with you her place in her sons life so she tries to belittle you. Best ignore it and be sweetness personified to her.
Good luck.

Wonder why there are so many new posters on this thread?

What a total bitch. Normally I would agree that you need to stand up for yourself but this cow needs to be put right by her son. She needs to see that his loyalties are to you. I would advise you to have your husband tell her that he simply will not put up with her being nasty to you. It isn’t acceptable and if it continues then he will have no choice but to stop seeing her - his wife and child are the most important people in his life and whilst he loves his mother, he will not have her upset his wife in this way - even if it’s a “joke” it isn’t funny. Your MIL needs to understand that she isn’t his number one anymore.

Oooh - I think I would have replied saying, 'Funny that, always reminds me of you when baby does that!'

Eloethan Mon 09-Sep-19 22:24:42 clearly I have failed in my attempt to calm this down rather than adding fuel to the fire. So many seem to want to add to the problem which can only make things worse. I was trying to get it back into perspective as aware that the post could have been sent rashly in a bad moment and have come across rather worse than it might have done after consideration. I prefer to be a peace maker and suggest ways of coping rather than confronting.

The MIL was rude. What a horror! I'd have done the same as you and run off for a cry, but oh wow I'd hope now I'd have asked her to repeat it, maybe write down "resting bitch face" and say you'll have to look up what that is - unless she'd like to explain. I think, now she's done this once, she's going to try that again in the future, so be prepared.

I don't think it's that you are hormonal, Tinytink - this is your baby and any comments as to looks/appearance/behaviour will trigger normal protective Mum reactions. The MIL needs knocking off that pedestal she's put herself on.

I would have to say something nasty back like
That's my MIL A* grade in being a bitch and then laughed.
If it continues though start limiting contact as nobody has the right to make you feel bad. You need to stand up to her or it will continue.

I like mumofmadboys advice best. Smilingly pretend you didn’t catch any such awful remarks, and ask her to repeat again, and then again..... all the time holding her gaze. Follow it up with a calm “oh, did you mean that to sound so rude?”
Congrats on your lovely baby. My heart goes out to you trying to have a better relationship with your MIL than with your DM. Keep your girlfriends close and supportive who’ll tell you you’re doing a great job. Xx

What a nasty woman !
I can fully understand how hurt you felt.
Next time she makes a nasty comment about how your baby looks/ acts, just tell her "That's funny, someone said that he looks just like you - poor soul" then carry on as if you had said nothing.
You have tried hard and it seems you can't win . She has had no cause to be like she is, apart from her jealousy. She really should get her own life!

Oh dear - not nice. Assuming you are not too hormonal post baby could you manage a (tight) smile and respond with something like - yes, isn’t he lucky - he’ll find it really useful when he’s older..........

Flossieturner gave some great advice, especially since bullies are usually very quick to turn things around, which causes the victims of their abuse to feel off balance. Because people who bully do it often, rude comebacks come quickly and naturally to them, whereas kinder, gentler souls are taken aback and can feel at a loss for words. Good luck! Hugs and to you and your new little one.

Although this is a serious subject, there is one programme on tele that has this theme in a more light hearted way. Has anyone watched Everyone Loves Raymond on channel 4? I think it is a great comedy and even though I have seen the repeats several times it still makes me smile.

You could say Pardon and make her repeat it and even say Sorry I didn't catch that, so she has to repeat it again. Even get her saying it a third time and then say ' What an odd thing to say!" Hopefully by then she will be suitably embarrassed!!

I do feel for you as my Mother was like this, using barbed comment my whole life. These type of people are very difficult to challenge. They will say things like,”I was only, joking, you are too sensitive “. Something she has already got into your head. Others just love the drama and are desperate for you to react.

You are certainly not being over sensitive but it is very hard to be assertive. I would get a book on assertiveness and practice saying the phrases over to yourself so that they become second nature.

You need non combative neutral sentences that hit home. With the ‘Resting Bitch Face’ comment I would reply. “I don’t mind how his face looks. I will be happy just as long as he does not grow up rude and spiteful”.

It is hard to think on your feet in these circumstances, so, replies that won’t feed her ego or her competitiveness, are best stored, and practiced, for use when required.

She's a B with an Itch ! and people who are allowed to get away with this sort of behaviour just get worse. She's proof of that.

First, it might be wise to talk this over with your husband so you can show a united front. Then both sit down with her (without baby) and tell her calmly, you are not prepared to tolerate this rude behaviour as you fear it will impact on your son, when he overhears such nastiness - and she is putting your whole relationships in jeopardy.

'You don't really want us to stop you seeing baby or visiting us, do you? Well, we think reasonable, polite behaviour is not too much to ask.'
You MUST be firm. She can be as rude as she likes in other houses but NOT in yours.

It's important to have your husband's support, otherwise she'll wait until he isn't there, and sneer at you.
If this happens, tell her, 'These days, it's so easy to record things on mobile phones, shall I play that to your son and see if he agrees with you?'

She needs to be in no doubt at all that YOU are in charge in your own home. She's gotten away with this despicable behaviour for far too long.

Of course she'll have a paddy, bullies bluster when the victim finally turns on them but with any luck, she'll do it your way.

Definitely be prepared to take her up on it if she says anything nasty again.
It's not a joke if no-one is laughing (except maybe MiL), it's bullying.

What on earth does it mean anyway - a "resting bitch face"? I'm sure I would have done the same as you - gone away and cried but I agree that really she should not be allowed to be so hurtful. I think, ideally, the response should be "What do you mean? If you meant it to be funny, it isn't - I find it hurtful".

Nonnie I can't see what is "super sensitive" (due to hormones!) about feeling upset by this remark. It was just plain nasty and if that's somebody's idea of a joke, I don't think it's funny.

Tinkytink Is your husband aware that his mother makes these sorts of remarks? Did you tell him about this incident and, if so, what was his reaction?

I’ve always very much disliked the b-word and had to google ‘resting bitch face’ as it made no sense to me.

The Urban Dictionary has this definition:
‘A person, usually a girl, who naturally looks mean when her face is expressionless, without meaning to’

It really seems a strange expression to use to describe a baby boy.

It’s a bit late now, but perhaps the best response would have been to put MiL on the spot by asking her to explain exactly what she meant by it. I suspect she hadn’t a clue.

Appalling behaviour Make a note of what she said. Ensure your husband knows and will back you if anything else is said. Also as others say if in your own home say you will not accept such rudeness and if in hers leave

I have 2 sons both with young children and wouldn’t dream of speaking to my DILs like you have been Good luck