Sad times

If he speaks to you in this way again I would certainly raise the issue with his dad

What on earth do you expect the parent to do? The grandson is an adult. If OP has an issue, she should talk to him herself, not try to get him in trouble like a child. That’s a sure way to alienate him.

OP, I’ll repeat my question in case it was missed earlier, how often do you see him? Do you have a relationship outside his parents? If not, why?

I agree with the last two posters. Your grandson is a 23 year old adult and high time he learned some social skills.

He needs to grow up and learn to respect others. You can't go through life being abusive to everyone who disagrees with you. Swearing doesn't bother me and never has so I'd speak to him in the same vein. Personally I'd tell him to politely go away and stay away until he learns some respect. I realise that's hard for you as you find the swearing offensive but this young man needs to learn to look beyond his own little bubble and see his words have consequences.

I think it's totally unacceptable. If he speaks to you in this way again I would certainly raise the issue with his dad. Seriously how can he speak to a grandparent like this and get away with it? He is a man and must take responsibility for his actions. There's no love shown here.

Oh they say it like it is. No holding back nowadays. I got told I was passive aggressive a couple of weeks ago.

I was really hurt but actually when I thought about it she had a point.

As someone who has had to deal with covert, unthinking racism in my time, maybe asking if you could talk this through with him might bring you closer.

It would show you respect (even if you don’t agree with) his views.

I don’t think he’s ‘just joking’ but I do think he’s frustrated and immature I m not expecting you to like or understand it but the words F and F O really have no real meaning to the young generation They are ordinary words and not seen as bad language to youngsters at all, When I said to the grandkids it’s awful hearing that word bandied around so much nowadays, (not them but in general) they laughed and said well it doesn’t mean anything only to old people

Unfortunately the leave/stay problem has made many people so angry and SO powerless and when people feel powerless they tend to lose the ability to keep their mouths shut Many do connect racism with leave voters because, so many quoted immigrants as a problem and presumable you’re grandson has latched onto that and is feeling cross and upset at his future being so badly damaged ....A pity but avoid politics like the plague,,,families have broken up through it

Put this all behind you I m sure he loves you but don’t expect too much he’s a kid some boys mature much, later as Judge Judy says they re still half cooked till 30
Don’t be too sensitive all will be well ?

I wonder if this young man is simply frustrated by life, or something you are not aware of and see you as an easy outlet for that?

Young people, and even in TV I am told hear and use obscene language which never passed our lips when we were tha age. But lamentably, time change and now it is common usage.

I differe a little bit from the advice above in that I would not speak to the boy when he has just been disrespectful.

I would wait until you were all in a calm, happy mood, perhaps having a meal and tell him how much you enjoy his company and how much you love him.

And maybe your husband could say, 'So it hurts us a bit when you are disrepectful and use bad language.'
It shows you are both hurt and if it is said in a quiet way, it will get the point across.

Youngsters sometimes use the F word very lightly. Listen to teenagers in the street. Try not to take it to heart. If he tells you to F off again I would say 'Hey, remember who you are talking to please' and walk away . I wouldn't take the racist comment to heart. Things can be very black and white when you are young ( no pun intended!)

In my opinion it’s not a good idea to discuss politics. Refuse to engage in political discussion.

A different generation Saddee.
I would never have dared to speak to my parents or family like that either.
I would however tell him off for bad language and I would expect some respect.
I wouldn't get into an argument over politics. As with my adult children, I tell them that I have my opinion and they have theirs and so we'll beg to differ.
I'm sure he loves you really.

Do you ever invite your grandson out, just the two of you?

That’s a good way to start a better relationship. Do you text or call him?

Elrel I agree he is immature..my son really hasn’t heard him he’ll say it under his breath to me or out of earshot of his dad I’m sure my son would be as upset as me ..but thanks I’ll take your advice and stay out of any arguments and just have a quiet word with my son next time .thank you .

Awww thank you for your kind words... I guess maybe I’m thinking in my younger days I’d never dream of speak to my grandparents like that time moves on I guess ...but thanks I’ll keep on loving him but maybe pull him to one side next time and just explain how it hurts me .thanks again.

Oh Saddee...your pain is so palpable .
Your grandson is 23 years and obviously has his own views, political or otherwise. He can't always agree with you.
I have 6 grandchildren (2 teenagers and 4 toddlers). I have heard my teenage grandson use the occasional 'F off ' to his sister. And I have told him off, quite harshly.
I agree, your grandson should give you more respect. He will ofcourse have more 'connection'. with his other grandparents, because they babysat him. But don't let that spoil your relatiioonship. You can explain yourself to him.
Circumstances affect the degree of relationships. I know for sure, my son's children are more close to see their maternal grandmother. She meets them after school, because she lives near the school.
Thats Life Saddee. All you can do is give him as much love as you can, and you have every right to call him up on his foul language. I'm sure he loves you. Families, eh?

He’s immature and hasn’t learnt to match how he speaks according to who he’s with. Don't get into arguments or discussion but try to say calmly that he should not tell you to F off and that racism is not a subject for ‘joking’.
I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong but neither do I think he’s being deliberately cruel to you. He’s just careless and possibly showing off.
How does your son react when your grandson talks to you? Does he think its acceptable? Don't confront him, just tell him quietly that your grandson’s remarks sometimes upset you.