Growing Up - Nana having a hard time!

Just, you are not alone. My grandsons are 6 and 11 and already I feel I've lost them. They live over 2hrs drive away and between them belong to so many clubs, sports & activities it's no longer convenient to have us visit as the eldest steadfastly refuses to give any sessions a miss and will not be left there alone! They live in the country so attendance requires daddy (DS) to chauffeur & they often go for the day. I just hope that as they get a bit older some of these hobbies will fall by the wayside and once more leave an occasional window for us. As DH gets older he's not as keen to drive in the dark or bad weather either. I feel like I've gone from happy to see you, slightly naughty but fun gran to nobody. DILs mum lives in the other direction is divorced & lives alone but has other GCs & family nearby is top of the list for visits because she's 'alone' but being married doesn't make me any less lonely - apparently I cope better??

I know exactly how you feel. My older DGC are at that stage too. At the moment I still have 3 smaller ones but they are growing up quickly too. I think you develop a different relationship with GC as they get older. I have also been told that they get to a certain age & then become close to you again. I am hoping this is true.
I still remember how special my days with my own grandmother were when I was little so hopefully they will remember the good times we had when they were young all their lives too.
They will always love you even if they don't see you so often.

I feel just the same mjwh my GD one is 12 and is doing her own thing with new friends at her new high school , I am finding it hard to accept she is growing away from me as I had. Lot of time with her from the day she was born , I practically brought her up as mummy was working , but it,s life it's normal , I am proud of the girl she has become , I like to think maybe I had something to do with it , I am now getting on with my life and not refusing invites to socials " just in case I am needed" by GD , even my 9 year old spends time watching television in her playroom when we visit , again I used to find this hurtful , but not now , it's modern life , I hope this helps you to know you aren't alone in these feelings , Your GC love you but like us all we aren't on their radar the same as when they were little,

My 9 year old GD I meant to type !!

I can guess how you feel and you have my sympathy.
I would say live for now as there is no real answer to the loss you feel.
Obviously try to fill the void as best you can and do be grateful you’ve shared them for as long as you have.

Just my thoughts about the ‘set them free so they can come back’ nonsense, that presupposes either of you want too or are alive to do so.

Be glad you had the opportunity to love them.

Farawaynanny....same for me. Grandchildren in the USA aged 7 and 9....growing up fast. Manage to see them last spring but before that it was two years between visits.

Don't worry, she will come back to you when she is a little older and has gone through the turmoil of being a teenager.

My GD lived with us for many years and then moved back home, I cried and felt I had lost her, For a while we were still close but then those dreadful teenage years kicked in and for many years she didn't want to know us or even her parents. But at about nineteen she started to change, little messages on Facebook etc. and then she would message me can we meet for a chat. Now she is a lovely grown woman and wants to meet about 2 weeks. So all is not lost, keep in touch, go easy on them and just wait. They will return.

I spent a lot of time with two local grandchildren when they were growing up Child minding, picking them up from school, doing activities with them, going to their school plays etc. They are 21 and 18 now and I miss them very much. I don't see much of their parents now either as they have been able to find lots of friends of their own since their children grew up.

Be very careful, Grans, that you don't find yourself at a complete loss when your children and grandchildren stop needing you We have filled our time with fun and interesting activities.

I thought it was just me!
Our GD is now 12 and although we still see her once a week she just sits on the sofa with her iPhone or goes and sits in the TV room and it's hard to get any conversation out of her.
I miss the sleep overs, I miss the cuddles, the games, the taking her out. She spends all her spare time at her friends houses now and even my son and DIL don't see a great deal of her, but it doesn't seem to bother them.
No one ever seems to mention this when you become a grandparent!

Between 12 and 22 they are just a different life form. Nothing to be done. Just hope for them not to get too hurt (we all do don't we).

Totally agree with Mercedes55. My GS is nearly 13. What a difference from a year ago when we played board games and went on outings. Now he spends all his time on his phone and it's a constant battle. I do show a lot of interest in his football which means we have something to talk about and have even learned something about the game! (Not the offside rule though!). I even sometimes ask about the games he enjoys playing on his phone. But, yes, there is often a tear in my eye as I know I've lost the little boy that he was, it seems, for such a short time. . With my own children, when they left home I was heartbroken. I'm a real softie I suppose.

I totally understand how you feel. I have one granddaughter aged almost 3. I love her intensely, she was 10 weeks old when I lost my mum. I have had grief and depression ever since the loss, so my need for my granddaughter has always been massive. I usually see her twice a week I wish I saw her every day. It's not a good thing to be so attached though because it's stopping me get a job. I want to be available to have her, so that makes a job difficult. I dread her going to school.

I was watching 'Lewis' on the TV and his character said "I don't feel like part of the family any more". I know the feeling exactly. All I can do is to pray for them.

In know how you feel. Don't see granddaughters as much as I used to, as they are teenagers, and I used to look after them whilst parents work. But like today a text right out of the blue. Just shows they do still have that connection. Just not as often

Hi MJWH
I empathise with you and agree with Hithere, for some of us it is the second empty nest.
It has been said before that our children and grandchildren grow and go to places that we cannot follow, not even in our dreams and that is as it should be and means that we have done a good job, but it doesn’t stop it hurting.
My own children talk about their grandma every day, though she passed 8 years ago and their love for her is obvious.
So, well done for keeping up the smiles and the little tear is allowed and probably familiar to a lot of us.

mjwh I am in exactly the same position have looked after the three grandkids since they were 3 months old although still had the 9 yr old staying during the week doing school runs etc so had one of them, now 15, 12 and 9 they are growing up and have their own little lives with friends just try to remember how you were at that age it is difficult, felt just as you do felt totally lost, yes empty nest syndrome, sadly I was also diagnosed with cancer earlier this year and during chemo hardly saw them as they didn't want me to get any infections from them that was even harder to bear but they do come to see me occasionally at weekends and I have the 9 year old after school not as much but she was the one who missed being here it is sad but unfortunately they grow up it's like going through it all again after your children grow up just make the most of them when you see them, I still get big hugs when I do see them. they come back in time.

I have never lived close enough to my four younger GC to be able to have the kind of relationship described by the OP. However, my oldest DGD, now 27, although no longer geographically close, used to be able to drop in on her way home from school and spend time baking in my kitchen at weekends. Although she now has a degree, a career, a partner, a home and a dog, and lives too far away for frequent contact, she is as affectionate as ever, and will confide in me when there's something important to report. I am hoping that one day she will give me a GGC!

mjwh, I really feel for you as I too have the same experience.

Of course, we're all in the same situation - why wouldn't we be? This is just life, the way it should be.

That's exactly what happened with our children after all. So we were warned

If we have given the right support, instruction and advice then it's exactly what we want to happen.

Try to get hold of John Marsden's 'The Art of Growing Up'' - it might help you see things from a logical perspective.

What helpful words and thinking from all of you.I am a single person with wonderful foster daughters who have allowed me to help bring up their children as my very own grandhildren.Like you all I am finding they all need me in different ways now as teens and I am finding the change hard but then fun too.
On Tuesday 17 year old asked me to drive him miles to his first job interview.It was two sessions at different times so a lot of waiting around.He seemed glad I was there. Just got to let go now but be ready when a need arises and help if I can.

I so feel your pain. Mine are not that old yet but already straining away at times and I can see it getting more that way. I've never experienced love or closeness of the kind of have with my grandkids and their parents are not eager to include us in their lives so we've mainly benefitted by being free babysitting. I dread the time when they no longer need to be "watched" so I'm trying to develop more outside interests. I never experienced "empty nest" with my own. I was ready for them to move on. But with the grands? It's excruciating.

My DGC live 200 miles away, so I have never been in a a position to baby sit etc. They are now 12 and 9 and I have loved every stage of their childhood, in the way I did with my children, I have never looked back at what has gone. Life for all of us progresses relentlessly second by second, why should that be any different for grandchildren?

I have now started to have girly shopping trips with DGD, now nearly 13. We share a similar taste in clothes and love looking at make-up. It is the same with DGS. I spend ages in his nature reserve at the end of the garden, watching frogs, discussing the insects we see and working out how to improve it.

Just adapt and enjoy the present and stop looking back all the time.

If you're on FB get her to add you as a friend,my oldest two 16 and 12 msg me almost every day .They send me photos of their cooking attempts for advice and the GD sends photos of her make up and new short hair .Its just a different way of communicating with them Mine often need help with things concerning their mum,my daughter as she has multiple health issues and I'm pleased they can come to me.We dont live close enough to run accross at short notice although we do see her every other day or so .The GC are often happier to talk to me than their mumabout problems as she has enough to contend with