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Grandparenting

Life laughs when you make plans

(26 Posts)
red1 Sat 09-Nov-19 10:44:12

Two years ago my son moved with his wife to Ireland with my only two grandchildren, awful misery for myself for a good while.I have visited many times with the difficult decision of moving to be near them.not an easy decicision leaving the familiar,friends etc.I just visited and sensed that all is not well,my son unhappy in his work,but I suspect other things at play and when I ask ,the answer is 'no, I'm fine' my dil is also a very moody woman and as others know grandparents can take second place to toys and tv! So to sum up
Life laughs.........

wildswan16 Sat 09-Nov-19 10:57:29

I'm not sure what your point is. Your son, his wife and family have moved to Ireland and you sound like you are in some way pleased that they aren't happy?

red1 Sat 09-Nov-19 11:01:50

Wild swan I'm not sure what your point is either, read the post again, it's about life and it's twists and turns.

MovingOn2018 Sun 10-Nov-19 06:31:23

What's the relevance of this post? Just get to the .ain point without asking people to.read it over and over. You honestly do appear to be happy that they aren't enjoying their life after their move. And if you are, then i can understand why they even moved far away in the first place.

You said you've sensed that alls not well after visiting with them many times. All this is simple speculation and not factual - and they may just be tired, including being tired of you. Or maybe your many visits before they've settled in are overwhelming and will come to a complete halt. Have you considered this as a reason? Have you considered that they are very happy when you are not visiting and it's your presence there that completely kills all the joy in their family? How.long do you stay when you visit? How often do you visit? Do you help or wait to be tended to foot and mouth? I mean there are just several factors that if your senses are true, could make them feel this way. Several factors that include you.

I've also have never understood parents who pack up and move all around with their adult children and their families. Assuming they were moving away from you but you're still thee viaiting all the time even after they've moved - then this could be very contentious and sure enoguh make them moody and annoyed.

Do you have a life of yout own? One that doesn't involve making any plans of you permanently following your adult son and his family across the globe?

Funny how you say life laughs when you make plans, and then admit to also having considered moving next to them. Just make sure that life does not laugh at you. Families at times need a healthy distance.

But in the event that you are happy that they arent as happy as they thought they'd be, then somethings definitely wrong with you.

DanniRae Sun 10-Nov-19 08:07:45

I read the post and thought that red1 was worried that she had decided to move to be near her son etc but, after feeling that all was not well, was worried that she had made the wrong decision.
I am amazed that people felt she was somehow pleased that, possibly, all was not well.
It seems to me that other posters were 'pleased' to be unkind to the OP shock.
I have no idea why? confused

Specky Sun 10-Nov-19 08:08:52

Movingon... Wow! Have you got out of the wrong side of the bed this morning? Your comment are really harsh.

Sara65 Sun 10-Nov-19 08:15:21

I thought the same as DanniRae, I reread it to see if I was missing something, but no, I don’t think so, harsh reactions ladies.

sodapop Sun 10-Nov-19 08:18:52

Not sure if you actually moved or not from your post red1 I'm sorry things are difficult for your family at the moment. As you say life takes some turns we don't expect.
I don't think its a good idea to leave friends etc to be nearer family either, they can move on or split up then we are left high and dry.

Calendargirl Sun 10-Nov-19 08:21:32

When I read the post, I thought that red1 was unhappy that her family had moved to Ireland. It now seems that her son is not happy in his work, but reading between the lines she also thinks that maybe his marriage is not good either. Her plans to move over there are now uncertain.
Yes, perhaps her visits have not helped matters, but some of the comments seem a bit harsh. I don’t think she is pleased that things aren’t working out well, like most mums she hates the thought that her son is miserable. The GC are probably growing up and not so bothered about seeing her also, so it all makes her sad.

DoraMarr Sun 10-Nov-19 08:37:37

Red, I think all you can do is be supportive and not judgemental. Lend a listening ear to your son, if he wants to talk, but do not ignore your daughter in law: there are two sides to every story. Perhaps it would be best to keep your visits short at the moment, or perhaps offer to take them out for dinner or lunch, if you can afford it. Above all, I am sure you have friends and interests of your own, and perhaps you should concentrate on them so you have a life of your own which is separate from your family and their problems. Best wishes.

Specky Sun 10-Nov-19 08:49:26

Nicely summed up calendar.
Red.. Im also unclear whether you have moved to Ireland?
Personality, i would move to be closer to my family as they come way before friends and i would like to think that they would want me around (albeit not next door smile). One of my regrets in life was that I didn't live closer to my mum. We can't really judge whats going on in reds sons mind but it is clear that red is concerned.
If you haven't moved yet could you have a discussion with your son specifically about your concerns linked to the move itself, rather than ask him how he is? You may unlock more this way ?

lemongrove Sun 10-Nov-19 09:04:37

Danni I agree with your post, it’s what I thought too.
Hello red1 it certainly may be wise to wait and see how things pan out, as moving to Ireland is a ‘big move’.
Better to carry on visiting as much as you can and see how things go.

Gran2028 Sun 10-Nov-19 09:26:46

MovingOn2018..... I hope your day gets better. OP definately touched on a nerve eh??

red1 Sun 10-Nov-19 10:00:22

Oh dear, my meandering of life has brought some deep complicated answers! I'm not asking for advice,just stating when you make plans in life, you never know what comes next!

theretheredear Sun 10-Nov-19 10:21:37

Movingon18 wow, what a nasty post!

Coolgran65 Sun 10-Nov-19 10:33:18

I agree with Calendargirl

*When I read the post, I thought that red1 was unhappy that her family had moved to Ireland. It now seems that her son is not happy in his work, but reading between the lines she also thinks that maybe his marriage is not good either. Her plans to move over there are now uncertain.
Yes, perhaps her visits have not helped matters, but some of the comments seem a bit harsh. I don’t think she is pleased that things aren’t working out well, like most mums she hates the thought that her son is miserable. The GC are probably growing up and not so bothered about seeing her also, so it all makes her sad*

I thought OP was only considering whether or not she should move. I also thought she showed only concern.

Specky Sun 10-Nov-19 10:33:23

Ok red..nuff said thensmile

Oopsminty Sun 10-Nov-19 10:35:13

I'm not asking for advice,just stating when you make plans in life, you never know what comes next!

Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans.

So said John Lennon.

And he was right

Gonegirl Sun 10-Nov-19 10:41:38

Well, I think Movingon has hit the nail on the head. It does sound as though the OP is pleased things aren't going well for them.

Not the kind of mil any wife would want visiting.

OP, have you thought things might well have worked out just the same if they had not moved to Ireland?

crazyH Sun 10-Nov-19 10:51:20

I don't think red1 meant it to be a 'poke' at her son and d.i.l.. She is probably bemoaning her own plans which didn't materialise, for whatever reason.

Gonegirl Sun 10-Nov-19 10:52:33

Well, life hasn't laughed at her plans. She hasn't moved.

Alexa Sun 10-Nov-19 11:15:20

Do you mean life laughs at locksmiths?

" The best laid schemes of mice and men gang aft a-gley"

(Burns, To a Mouse)

Why not move to Ireland temporarily? Why not we all regard every aspect of our lives and lives as temporary and prone to accident?

Alexa Sun 10-Nov-19 11:19:51

Redl, do you come here often? Most people here don't do philosophy on gransnet. I wonder why.

BlueBelle Sun 10-Nov-19 12:26:28

I was very puzzled with the ‘life laughs’ comment after saying she didn’t think the marriage was too happy (in her opinion) it did sound like a gloat but perhaps that wasn’t how it was intended
I m afraid I don’t see the need for parents to move around the globe to be near children and grandchildren let them have their freedom and pleasure to start their life where they wish without interference (of course it’s quite different if you are asked to move to help out) but just following your adult children around is very intrusive if I did that I d be living in Belgium New Zealand and Ireland right now 😂
I loved my mother in law but we moved 28 times in my marriage she’d have been dizzy if she’d have followed us around 😂
Let this young couple sort themselves out without interference unless asked for and red maybe your daughter in law is moody around you They ve only been there two years and you talk about your many visits let them breathe for goodness sake Get on with your life and let them live theirs is my only advice (which I acknowledge you didn’t ask for but I m giving anyway x)

notanan2 Sun 10-Nov-19 12:52:04

Did they ask you to move near them? Or did you jusr decide to?

If you move near them they are then under pressure to stay put even if they think they would be better off school/work wise moving to another town