Ungrateful family

I agree with Tedber, take the dog out and ask when you should be back to eat the lunch/supper they've cooked.
Us Grandmothers need to stop feeling so grateful for visits. When this many people are visiting, allocate a day to each person/couple to bring the wine, the ingredients, cook them and clear up afterwards.
Go girl!

It's funny (peculiar not ha ha!) how when we have AC in OUR home , how we revert back to when they were actually children!
I must admit that when my mum was alive, she did the cooking - only because she either stood over my shoulder and criticised while I was cooking or turned her nose up at what I'd cooked! (She was real meat and 2 veg, so no pasta, anything spicy etc)
So we came to the agreement that I'd do the veg, she'd cook and I'd clear up and wash up after. Housework was divided the same way. But I could never stop her doing my ironing - mainly because she used to do it while I was at work !
My son now does little in the house, apart from eat what I have cooked unless I ask him.
Perhaps you need to sit everyone down and say that if they wish to stay, in your home, they must pull their weight. No more putting your hand in your pocket - if you buy or pay for anything for GC, ask for the money - or ask DD to leave you some money before she goes out. She needs to be aware that she is costing you money! The dog can be walkedand taken care of by the owner.
Once you have said it all, go out somewhere for a couple of hours and leave them to sort it out amongst themselves.

So there are 6 ppl and a dog staying and more coming over for lunch, and your partner is finding fault of you too, hmm. Well it wouldn’t happen in our house if they couldn’t show some respect the lot of them would be out the door seriously what a selfish lot, your partner is probably as fed up as you are, but I do think you both need to have words here. It’s one thing taking in family but they should show some respect , we help our family out a lot with different things but we do get appreciated

Ok here is what you do, the next time someone criticises what you are doing, stop doing it, say .....if you don’t like the way I am doing this be my guest and do it yourself....then walk away.
Works like a charm. And if no one appreciates your efforts...same thing... walk away and leave then to their own devices.

Your partner is probably stressed out of his/her wits with people under his feet everywhere he turns. Heck, I'd be acting pretty unreasonable too by now if that was me lol!

Xrgran - when are they going?
Ignore the dog!!

Do a rota and pin it on the wall !! so that all adults do equal shares of ALL tasks, cooking, cleaning, shopping etc In those conditions, all should be helping, not just sitting back and let you do it all, that’s just selfish. Before you hand over money, be sure that they are not wasting it on other things, are they good at money management ? Plan basic economic meals in advance to help your finances. Good luck ...

How far is the local library? Do you have a thermos flask?

There isn't money for a coach trip, if I understand the OP post. Boundaries need to be set but not when Xrgran is feeling so stressed it's going to cause a scene.

As someone with 1 son living away from me and no grandchildren on the cards as yet I'm actually a little envious of your full house(s). And my ex has taken the dog. Just giving a different perspective ....

And me Tedber

You need to be firm and say enough is enough Xrgran decide where it is possible and practical for you to help and then let the other adults sort themselves out. Our adult children often revert to their dependent ways if they return to the family home, you need to point out things are different now.

LOL Leyla I think that you need to stop doing everything for the dog!

If the OP is like me she will enjoy doing things for the dog, just not for the humans

If you are anything like me, you will regret making a big thing of it and really miss them when they are gone.
Hopefully your lunch went well yesterday and you managed to relax a bit afterwards.
I think that you need to stop doing everything for the dog!
The way that I would approach it would be to say to the others that you are not as energetic as you used to be so you feel really tired and that they need to take on the chores for a few days (which can be extended…).
You might find that when you leave them to it, they rise to the challenge – I hope so!

Agree with all the above. You are being taken advantage of. You and your OH should present a united front, I expect he is as fed up as you are, and make it plain what you are and are not prepared to do for them. Be prepared for some flack but remember it is your home and you are in the right. Good luck!

I think people only notice what you do when you stop doing it. How about going on strike for better pay and conditions Xrgran?

Take the last sentence of your post and do just that! Good luck.

I agree with fourormore, have a talk with your partner as I'm sure you'll find it's getting him down as much as it is you, then the two of sit down together and present a united front.

We all want to be there for, and support our children no matter what their ages but there's a big difference between giving a little financial support and suffering "financially considerably" IMO ArGran, especially as both parents are there.

Not being/feeling appreciated isn't very nice at all. I hope that you and you're partner can get things on a more even keel.

I just walked out one day. There were eight people living here, four ACs, 2 partners a grandchild and myself. I'd had a really hard week teaching, Saturday cleaning, shopping, washing etc. and was cooking the Sunday dinner when - I suddenly ran out of steam! I went to my friends house, put my feet up and was waited on - bliss!

"Cant do anything right" "Always in the wrong" " Treated a bit like an idiot!" "Taken for granted"

You didn't specifically say those, but you could have! Recognise them all! Sad how often we see similar on Gransnet. You are not alone XrGran

Xrgran, why do you have to cook for everyone ? I did that every Sunday, until the 3 AC got married and had families of their own. Now they do their own cooking and once in a while, I am invited. Actually, I am glad of a nice quiet Sunday, all to myself.

my daughter ungrateful too single parent do everything help with childcare and money although she is working! sometimes do too much I had a right go one day. I had enough I told her few home truths that most adult children don't get a fraction of the help she gets. It gets to you at times yes just go out for a coffee I sometimes go into local weatherspoons have meal and glass of wine great on my own and I feel better.we spoil them and they don't give us back much in return

Just to add that we often say that in another life we wouldn’t rush to offer so much help and support to AC but stand back more. Without allowing anyone to go under if we could have prevented it.

The first thing to say is that I don’t think I’d have agreed to have anyone else come to stay if one of my AC and dog was already living with me but realise that saying No is often difficult.

As it is, I think the best option is to grin and bear it this time (assuming that your DD’s visit is only short) and try to avoid the same situation in the future.

I know from personal experience that sometimes you get less gratitude and appreciation from those you’ve helped the most and although I think that help and support given to AC should be freely given and without expectation, it is very nice to have that help and support acknowledged.

Book yourself a weekend away. There are plenty of coach companies that do weekend trips so you are not completely alone and you can visit places of interest and have YOUR meals cooked for you and your room cleaned after you have left. It will do you the world of good and make them be a bit more appreciative when you return.

You are letting everyone walk over you I d definitely disappear for the day Tell them where the food is and you and your husband go off for a lovely meal out and a rest day

1. Your AC with dog must move out if he/she doesn't take care of dog and follows your rules

2. What is the issue with your dd?
Why can't dd, her dh and baby stay at a hotel?

3. Stop being their maid.
They can cook their own food, for example

Understand totally. Just refuse to be a doormat!

Personally, tomorrow, I would take the dog out for a long walk and ask them what time you should be back for dinner?

A lot of AC revert to children when back home - just make sure they know it isn’t an option. Dish out duties if necessary.

How long are they all expecting to stay? Don’t let it get you down. Just be more assertive.