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Son recently separated from controlling wife

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Party4 Mon 30-Dec-19 12:25:27

Rather than have any confrontation with boys she as always let them have free rein with anything meal times,food,clothes,bedtime,whether they attend partys,swimming lessons etc.Once married she insisted on moving in with parents(under pretext could save more towards deposit)which was never go to be as parents needed their financial contribution to keep family home.She has always someone to help out and would not attempt basic trips with boys on own but instigates numerous activities throughout the day when its Daddy day it's as if she wants him looking to fail by not sending party clothes,presents , sportswear etc.He has asked she let's him know in time for him to shop after work before the day required.Its as if she is scoring points but doesnt consider it important for the boys.My son is happy to provide what/when he can rather than the boys go unprepared.We do communicate with ex on occasions re boys only .It was a joint decision they didn't involve solicitors and tried to sort shared care between them she has got things to suit herself.But on positive note the boys are relaxed and happy in dads small cosy home and he is certainly in a better state mind other than anxiously waiting for nasty rude comments and avoid confrontation with ex family in front boys.

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Hithere Mon 30-Dec-19 11:43:20

Could you give examples how she is controlling?

Your son needs a lawyer and custody agreement. That's his first priority.

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Alexa Mon 30-Dec-19 11:19:42

If your former daughter in law has all the power over the children that you say she has then you need to get her on your side by all legal means possible.

Try to make friends with her so you can better support the children and your son.

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Party4 Mon 30-Dec-19 11:14:22

Came as relief when they split as he was on verge of breakdown and at point where he couldnt make decision about anything.Struggled as wanted to do best for 2 sons aged 3 and 5.He has found and made a small home (with family rallying round as left with nothing) but his wife is still making life so difficult.His access is on her terms and due to work he cannot really offer more(already takes school x3 and works through lunchbreak)She sends boys inappropriately dressed for weather/outing and even though she knows he is attending functions they arrive in old small fitting clothes,family have sent clothes for bdays and Xmas.Over the hols they have come exhausted due to staying up all hours(she doesnt believe in bed times)so havent been their happy selfs and in fact we have had to coax them to have a sleep.Last night he was go to try and settle them down early and they have slept til 10a.m so hopefully the family outing this p.m. will be a happy one.I realise it will be killing her not being in full control whilst he has them but she continues to control his and our special days with them.There is always a nasty comment when he collects or drops them.The decision to separate was hers and he was in bits but she is still controlling all our lives.

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