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Grandparenting

Feeling left out

(60 Posts)
SuzieQ178 Sun 26-Jan-20 14:31:30

When my first GS came along (now 21!) I was working full time and the other maternal GPs were already retired. DILs mother was all over him and did childcare when DIL returned to work. But I made a vow to myself that I would not enter into a competition. DH and I would have him overnight to give DS and DIL a break if they asked and within 9 months our second GS (from my other son) came along and we would have the pair of them overnight - hard work as they got more mobile! But I stuck to my vow and have never tried to compete for affection. All the GS (4 in total) know where to come for sound advice. They call me the ‘oracle’ because they say I know everything - I can assure you I don’t! Same applies with the DILs. I chose to keep a step behind but be there if required. It paid off and we all have a really close relationship. As others have said, quality over quantity every time is what matters.

Doodle Sun 26-Jan-20 13:21:59

As everyone else has said. Maternal grandmothers usually get to spend more theme with their young children that paternal ones which is not surprising. Daughters tend to want to spend more time with their mums than their mother in laws. If you are seeing your grandson once a week, that is quite a lot. Don’t worry about FB or Instagram it all means nothing.
Keep your good relationship with all the extended family going.

tanith Sun 26-Jan-20 13:14:11

I’ve grandchildren who live abroad near to their other Grandparents who of course see them all the time and babysit etc I’m lucky to see them once or twice each year. At first I wondered how I would cope but I’m always happy to see pics of the children often with the other granny who is lovely. Things will improve I’m sure and please be glad that the baby has lots of people who love him around.

Jane10 Sun 26-Jan-20 12:33:53

Listen to those wise Grans! Don't start thinking about feeling left out. You see that child once a week. Other Grans would dream about that much contact.
I see less of my DGSs but that's because they're at school now. When we do see them or have them to stay its a two way treat.

Dottygran59 Sun 26-Jan-20 12:15:35

Oh I could have written that post 8 years ago when my eldest dgd was born. Maternal GM lost interest sadly, particularly when her little brother was born and was a handful. Certainly the overnight stays stopped. I, on the other hand, have remained consistent throughout and my DIL and I have become closer. Still busy working full time so only have them to stay overnight every 3 weeks but we all really look forward to it. I pop over once a week to help with homework and always take a small bar of chocolate. We adore each other and the most important thing, I think, is the consistency. We’ve never let them down.

Give it time. Didn’t let the parents see your frustration. Always be there if you can in an emergency and above all, be fun! Quality over quantity. You’ll see

MawB Sun 26-Jan-20 11:57:04

I meant “more than” many grans, not * any grans* blush

MawB Sun 26-Jan-20 11:55:55

If you are visiting once a week that is considerably more often than any Grans! It may not be as often as the other grandparents but at 9 months he is not going to recognise you any more or less.
Despite what you say I am hearing undercurrents of rivalry or jealousy and all I would say is Don't start thinking that way you are the only person who will suffer.
Forget Instagram or FB and enjoy the contact that you have.
Congratulations on your lovely grandson just the same age as my youngest D’s first baby who I see perhaps once or twice a month. Her in-laws go every week, taking a meal with them and I am fine with that. Quality over quantity!

lavenderzen Sun 26-Jan-20 11:55:49

Hello Oldernewgranny Don't get upset and worry too much, it is early days and I suspect the new little family has a lot on at the moment. Keep up your visits and as things progress the little one will be brought to see you I am sure.

Calendargirl Sun 26-Jan-20 11:48:36

It’s often the way that the daughter’s family are just more involved, as DD’s tend to cleave to their own mum more after having a baby. Apart from this, you sound to have a good relationship with all sides of the family. Try not to let anything spoil that, and just make the most of what you have. You may find as baby gets older, you will be more involved.

Oldernewgranny Sun 26-Jan-20 11:26:03

I’ve just joined Gransnet and feeling a little better already having read a few forums. But I’m feeling a little left out being the paternal grandparent. My grandson is 9 months old and my son has only brought him to visit once in that time. I try to visit him at least once a week but feel that he doesn’t know me like his other nanny (who I think the world of and there is no rivalry). My son often sends me photos that include baby and his other nanny and their Instagram page is full of photos of my DIL’s family. We spend an awful lot of money on toys, clothing and nappies etc which we enjoy doing but would love to see baby more. Our two families all get along but I’m not sure how to go forward and stop feeling upset.