Feeling left out

And defo don't look at pics on social media I can't cope with that!

I joined too on a low day when my family were over from USA staying with materal grandparents for 3 weeks and we only met them twice for lunch. I knew my GD was waking up and going or bed with them daily and I was jealous. But after a bit of tongue lashing from dome and some kinder words from others on here, I've decided I want my Son, DiL and GD to have all the help and support they can no matter who gives it!
Relationships come in all sizes and being miserable was only hurting me!

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Once a week is good Oldernewgranny compared with many grans on here. I am a paternal grandma and luckily I had (and have) lots of contact with my first five grandchildren with overnight stays, weekends and school pick ups when parents split up. There is no competition with maternal grandparents who help in different ways and we are all on good terms despite our childrens' difficulties. However I do remember feeling like you when DIL tended to take first grandson to her mum more often.

My youngest grandchild however, I have not had so much contact with until his parents have been moving house and I have suddenly become indispensable!

They have now begun to realise how much I teach him as I can spend 100% time with him when I have him. Nursery rhymes, clapping games, bubbles, fun, books, giggly games and he is only 11 months old. I am also experienced enough to recognise when he is poorly and am able to look after him safely (though I am very careful with my advice - only when it is asked for is the prime rule.) As GreenGran78 says it's the quality that counts. Forget social media, take your own photos and cherish the time you have with him.

It used not be like that readymeals. We used to almost always be kind and considerate. The aggressive and abrasive attitude came in when politics became aggressive and abrasive and spread from the political threads to others.

The problem is faced with it it is easy to reply in kind and I am conscious that some of my posts were beginning to get quite nasty at times. I am now trying to pull back from that and I hope others will do so as well.

It's actually quite an abrasive atmosphere, just like most social media. So you have to learn to shrug off the more abrasive and focus on the constructive comments.

I really appreciate all of your comments and I’ve taken on board the positivity from all of you who have been kind enough to respond. A little sad about the couple of abrasive comments however but I’m new to Gransnet so I’m guessing it happens ?

We were pushed out of our dil life once she had a baby. Her mother came from overseas to live with son and did. Mil has a serious anti social disorder and were rudely pushed from visiting our sons house. We weren't allowed to.hold our gs let alone babysit him. It all just built up.and built up and exploded into a huge estrangement with our son. We are now talking and seeing our gs about once a week with our son. I don't see anything ever changing so have had to.get counselling to deal with our expectations of being a grandparent. We thought we would have a similar relationship that both sets of grandparents had with our sons. I cannot understand my sons behaviour except possibly two against one in his house. It's all been very hurtful. I would say very seriously the dil holds all the power so.don't alienate her. My relationship was doomed to.fail as she didn't like me from the start apparently. Not much.I.Can do about that.

1. You see them weekly. Keep in mind that it's probably much easier for you to come to them than for them to pack up the diaper bag and the baby and have to work around nap time and pray the baby is able to sleep in the car or in a strange house and disrupt the routine...

2. How much time they spend with the other grandmother is none of your business.

May little just-3 Aussie gd has seen me only three times ‘in the flesh’ but I chat with her at least once a week by internet. I am visiting now, for her parents’ wedding, and was greeted with a beaming smile, a huge hug, and, “It’s Grandma!.” Her Peruvian paternal gps are also here, for the first, and probably their last visit. I feel so sorry for them, as they speak only Spanish, and haven’t been able to build up a close relationship as a result.

My son also lives here, in Perth, and their first baby is arriving in May. I will make the trek once again, for the birth, and take a slight step back because it will be my dil’s parents first grandchild. We all have a very close relationship, but I confess to a slight tinge of jealousy. Dil’s parents live just down the road from them, and will be caring for him when Mum and Dad go back to work. My one hope, at 80, is that I will remain fit enough to keep on visiting both my grandkids, and live long enough to build memories for after I am gone.

So, Oldernewgranny, cherish the time that you do spend with your grandson. It’s not the quantity, but the quality of the contact that counts. You will probably see more of him once he is a little older. You can always phone or Skype in between, once he gets older, too. Don’t smother him with gifts, which can cause difficulties for the parents. Just be happy that your little one is near, not half a world away. Good luck!

boumou please dont think so negatively about what your grandchildren will associate with visiting you. They won't see the long journey which to them will be an adventure Nor the weather. When we came home from Australia when my eldest DD was 5.5 years old it was a wet summer morning when we arrived at Stansted. This was in the late 60s and my DM had been to visit us the Christmas before. All my DD daughter kept saying to my Mum as we drove through Epping Forest was "oh Nana what beautiful green parks you have". She was so impressed after the dryness and lack of green in Australia. So if they want to make the journey let them. They will see it differently to what you see.

Once a week is really good, lucky you! Your GS therefore definitely knows who you are and enjoys spending time with you. I see mine about once a month, usually for babysitting while parents at work. When they came to visit our family at home a little while ago, it was me she scrambled for amongst a sea of less familiar faces! So gratifying. I too have to see all the many photos of the other GPs and family, but I've learnt to focus on the one little important person and how much we all love her.

I know the feeling! I am a paternal grand parent too, and I used to feel resentful that dil’s parents looked after my dgds when ds and dil were at work, not very often though, and had sleepovers at there house and went on holiday with them.
Now they are older and come to us for the day on Sundays, I don‘t feel so bad about it.

They obviously love DH and me and love coming and never want to go home.

If you see your gs every week, you are more fortunate than some. He must be building a relationship with you.. He is very young..

It will get better, and glad you have a good relationship with the family. Cherish that

This topic regularly has me guilt tripping as I know for sure, I opted to visit my Mum more often than Mil when the opportunity permitted. Nothing whatsoever wrong with the latter relationship but, without doubt, more formal than that with Mum. Retrospectively, I do wish I had addressed the balance more fairly but..... I didn't. I did rationalise it by the fact that Mil had many other GC whereas Mum only had mine. Not fair but there y'go. Guilty.

You see your grandson much more than I've ever seen my 4! Keep going to see him and just keep away from Facebook etc. Looking at them on these sites will eat away at you. Be happy ? with the contact that you have. X

Take a camera and take load of photos of baby on his own you with baby, mother and baby etc, and build your own memory book x x

I’m pretty sure that if, and when babies parents decide to return to work, you will probably be required for babysitting then. Is that a possibility, do you think?
Unpaid childminding usually involves the grandparents.
It certainly did with me.

My daughter & grandchildren live 50 miles away. I visit them once a month and they visit me once a month so we see each other fortnightly.

Oldernewgranny - if you have a good relationship with the other grandma why not make the most of that and suggest that the two of you together take your grandson out and have a coffee and a chat with each other on a regular basis. She might even be prepared to bring your grandson to your home - why does it have to be your son who brings him? It would be good for you and her to work together as your grandson's grandmas.

Longdistancegrnny ,I completely agree with you.! Good to hear from a granny in a very similar situation as me - that’s what gransnet is for ,I think .

Give it time .....it’s early days! I felt the same when our first grandchild was born 18 years ago and when I think back to how it affected me I realize it was just so silly. The fun times are ahead .......you wait and see!

Welcome! Such a wise post from MarySunshine.
You will all get there in the end. Enjoy and don't allow the likes of stupid old Facebook or Instagram cause you concern... consider, if Social Media wasn't available you would be none the wiser to what was happening within their circle. Your circle of love is equally special to them but in yours/theirs own way.
Take heart in knowing that sadly there are so very many grandparents now days who never get to see their grandchildren ??.
Take care and as a new Gransnet member you'll love this community and enjoy reading and offering support/advice/opinions to others on this Group xx

It’s so lovely to see how many doting grandparents there are here - I adore my grandchildren too. On the other side of this coin ... I don’t remember any of our grandparents making my sisters and me feel so cherished. I’m sure they loved us but cannot imagine grandparents of that era feeling as we do now, or if they did - they didn’t show it!

This was one of my reasons for joining. I have a lovely DIL but her mother by her own admission was obsessed when GD was born. They live a little closer see GC often a few times a week and more sleepovers but we make the most of the times we have with the GC. We are close to our GC, GS adores his grandad. I often expect them to organise visits etc but then stop and think it's up to me too to contact and ask. I hope others experiences have helped and as your GC grows you will have that bond.

Its not always the parental grandparents that suffer this, we do too in a way and we are maternal! So take heart and enjoy the time you have with him, rather than worrying too much about what's right or fair..