Need advice from grannies re my mother

Can your child speak with her on Skype of Facebook Messenger? I know it's not the same thing - but it's better than nothing - you never mentioned going over to the boyfriend's house with the boy. Your mama is on the rebound from the death of you father - she is enjoying the time with the boyfriend, and mourning him, at the same time. Try talking to her without either of your partners listening in, and clear the air.

Hmm, sounds as if your Mum is head over heels. Not being funny but I hope her new partner isnt on the rebound. Like others I cannot understand why it hasnt occurred to your mum that she hasn't seen her grandchild in a wee while. As you say, there really isn't much you can do. I hope everything works out for you all.

Perhaps you could ask to go and see her and her friend telling her you all miss her.You could say you will come to her so as not to put her and her friend out having to come to you.
This will give you a chance to see the friend in his own surroundings and might give you a chance to view the dynamic of the relationship as he will be more relaxed in his own home.
I agree you need more information about this friend, how they met etc.Also if the weather is good you might get an idea how he gets on with his neighbours.All the information you can get without either your Mum or her friend being aware of your concerns, will give you peace of mind of how your Mum is being treated.

maybe she never had the chance to travel etc with her husband /your father .maybe she needs some time to energise her batteries ,maybe you could get together over a weekend.maybe her new psartner is a control freak .maybe you should sit down and talk to her.dont text her talk to her. face to face. a text always comes out sounding wrong.

Synchro and Agaaa, so deeply sorry for your losses. Glad you found new love and "adventure," Synchro. Agaa, glad your friend's advice has worked for you. Different strokes, etc.

Yes, it's possible that the OP's mum has gotten involved too quickly and that this man is controlling, etc. But not easy for her to know or to do anything about it. I'd stay aware, Elek, but in the end, your mum's relationship is up to her, of course.

My deepest condolences on the loss of your dad, Elek. And while I'm glad your mum has found a new love, I'm deeply sorry that she has brushed off your little boy this way. As a GM, myself, I can't imagine doing this. It's possible her new BF is influencing her, but it also is possible she's just too wrapped up in her new love, right now, to make space for GS (sigh).

It seems you don't feel comfortable asking her to babysit or letting her know her GS misses her. So I agree w/ those who suggest simply inviting her and BF over socially. At least, your little boy would get to see her, and yet, you wouldn't be asking her to watch him. Hope something works out.

i agree entirely with what tilleybelle and others have cautioned about.
she has expressed it much better than I could, but as soon as I read the OP, alarm bells were ringing re this new man.

trisher makes a good point in that GF is as important as GM in looking after GC, and your mother may feel out of her depth in trying to cope on her own atm with GS (although this does not explain not seeing him for 2 months). Perhaps she would not feel comfortable in asking her BF to help out yet or, more likely, she does not want him to appear to be taking over GF's role. OH and I alternate with play etc when our GC is here or we would run out of energy long before GC did!

You have been extremely understanding and reasonable in your attitude and are understandably upset. However, I echo others in encouraging you to contact your DM and letting her know how much you all miss her. Don't ask her to have DS if he hasn't seen her for 2 months or she may think you only want her for babysitting. Keep it informal and easy for her by inviting her over or to go out with you. As has been said, perhaps she is missing you too but she's not sure how to get back in touch or she does not want to be a burden on you. A couple more thoughts to add to those above:
- do you think she has picked up on some disapproval from you about new BF? Perhaps she thinks he would not be welcome to visit. Perhaps you could encourage both of them to visit you so you are sure that your DM is safe with him.
- don't underestimate her ongoing grief. The loss of your DF has robbed them of their future plans and may have provoked her to live her own life to the full while she can. She needs to work this out for herself and will be grateful for your support.

Being a grandmother I couldn’t imagine this scenario...I’d miss my grandchildren terribly...but the point is I think you would want your mum to want to see her grandson..without her being asked. I think I would be extremely hurt but leave her to it... it’s her loss..it’s a shame though.

I wanted to say more but I think I can only post a certain length of text. I do not suggest that you are mean or unkind to your mum because everyone is different... but.. 2 months!!!!!!!!... that is unreasonable... Is there something else going on? Is her new partner controlling? I would look into this and talk frankly to your mum

I have no qualms in saying that your mum is being selfish. I have been in a similar position to her but would die a slow and painful death without my grandchild. I move heaven and earth to see her and my new partner supports me totally. Has she not even considered your dear little son's feelings. You are not being unreasonable.

Your mother is in love and unfortunately the early stages of a love affair tend to make some people a bit selfish; the emotions are so all consuming that they take over normal thoughts and instincts. Almost certainly this intense phase will ease off over the next year and your mother will get back to her normal self - with or without the new chap.

Best to view it as a tribute to your late father; she liked being married to him and wanted to replicate the feeling.

Maybe arrange to see her - it doesnt have to be an ivernight stay. Just a day out somewhere nice together.

It has been hard for you, although supportive of your mother, after the loss of your father to accept life would never be the same when another man entered your mothers life. This is a new era for your mother which her grandson cannot possibly understand and I do not believe she is as you put it disinterested in her grandson.The only way forward is to speak to your mother, on her own ,and explain her grandson is asking for her, Why not ask both mother and BF for a day if as you say your son has not seen is GM for two months. This will give you some idea how the friendship is progressing ?and your son to have is gran for a day. If this can be a regular invitation and the only way your son is to see his grandmother then this unfortunately has to be the way.

AGAA4. I am glad you have such a good friend and so sorry to hear you lost your husband.

I would just like to humbly say that I could not agree more with those who have said that this relationship has taken off very soon after the death of her husband and that the intensity of it, with her not being available just one day and night a week for her family whom she needs very much at this time, is quite worrying. If this man genuinely cares about her, he would not want to take her away from her family. Neither would he be so demanding so soon after she has been widowed. Added to which, a decent person would not want to take a mother away from her daughter after the daughter has lost her father, or away from a grandchild at that time.

I would be wary of a relationship that starts very soon after a person has been bereaved or divorced, unless it was already ongoing. Obviously there are those which work out well, one of my friends is an example of meeting a man not long after her divorce which was a very distressing one. Her relationship is very good and lasting with this man. But he was especially understanding about her emotions at the early stages.

I think that Elek has a lot to cope with here. She has lost her father, she is worried about her mother and she works full time and is a mother needing care for her little son who now misses his Granny.

I do hope all this comes out well, Elek. I would feel awful if I had not explained the worries I have, but if you are aware of these possibilities, you can be in the background and be ready to support your Mother and perhaps be there to prevent any long-term damage should it look that way. Do try to gently keep her in the folds of your family, in touch with you as well as her grandson. She may not be aware of it, but she needs you very much. You might appeal to her by saying you miss her. Also, please listen to icanhandthemback. As she says, the most kind and trustworthy seeming person sometimes is found to be quite the opposite. We should always be wary about people we do not know. This man has a lot of influence over your mother, so I would not agree to his being there with her to babysit. Sorry. Just say your son needs Granny to himself. It does not make it easier for you I know. Good luck. You are all in my prayers. Much love, Elle ??

I had some very good advice from a friend who said it was not a good idea to get involved in a new relationship as I was vulnerable after my husband died. I think your mum has let this man into her life too soon. Emotions are all over the place after the death of someone you love and it is natural to look for someone to fill the gap.
This man may not be taking advantage of your mum, but it sounds as though he might be.
Get in touch with her and ask to meet her new friend. Tell her that you and her grandchild miss her. You may be able to assess if there is anything to be worried about when you meet them

Keep in mind she may be waiting for you to ask her and is feeling the same way that you are. If each is waiting for the other to make the first move then you will both be disappointed and hurt unnecessarily.

My advice is to call her and tell her that you and your son miss her and would love to arrange a time to get together. I can't see how that could cause guilt. And if she does feel guilty that's her choice - you can't make someone feel guilty.

I can understand you didnt wish was alone after the passing of your dad.
I think its the new boyfriend influencing your mum.
My view is family first before anyone does she know her grandson misses her. She is missing out.
If the new man carnt cope one day and night without seing her sounds controlling in my opinion. As a daughter i would be worried sorry. Hope it gets resolved in your sons favour

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

It sounds to me as if you are close to her mother and you have obviously accepted her boyfriend.

Ring your mum and tell her that the little one has been asking when he can see her as he misses her. Suggest that as having him for a whole day and night probably doesn't suit right now, you would like to invite them both to come on Saturday or Sunday and spend the afternoon, or the whole day.

That way you can perhaps gradually get your son and his grandmother used to seeing each other in a different way.

You call this man ‘her boyfriend’. How old is he? I would be suspicious if he were a lot younger than her - he could be interested I her financially. Sorry to be cynical but there are these men who prey on elderly women who are recently bereaved.

Just ask her to visit, or suggest visiting her instead.

Maybe invite for an informal meal at weekend or whenever suits.

As your son is 3 you can explain to him that Granny is not living close by for a while.
Family relationship dynamics are different from family to family.

It does seem your mother was ready for a new relationship very quickly but maybe that was right for her.

In time she'll come down from cloud nine - dont we all ?. I'd only worry if you could sense something wrong over time.

I'd keep in contact but as you've said, no guilt tripping.

I love my family and we are always there for each other but will never understand people (very often grands) who feel entitled to so much from their AC'S in relation to GC's.

I understand your disappointment.

Your family's social structure appears to be changing. All you can do is concede your mother's right to be her own woman.

She has done well putting in the ground- work with your small son.

This is quite sad her grandson asks when he can visit as obviously been very used to staying over, that in itself tugs at my heartstrings, I’m presuming your mum is enjoying herself with her new man, it’s a difficult one as she has every right to enjoy herself, I can see both sides, I think if it was me I’d invite them both over and take it from there