Keeping a lid on it

Yes, gilly, I think the little DGD is the one who really matters in all this. She needs stability.

Why has your son let her be pushed out in favour of this woman's teenagers?

I feel so sorry for your little granddaughter FizzyFlorence no contact with her own mother and pushed out by her fathers new woman and her children . I think the poor lamb might be better off staying with you.

I agree, eazybee
Your son does sound rather spoilt too FF8, hope you don't mind me saying that.

Have you let him pay lower than market average for rent and given free childcare so that he can save for his own place? If so, perhaps it is time for them all to move on.

However, try to keep it amicable for the sake of your DGD, she may feel rather uncertain to find herself in the midst of this blended family as she seems to have had quite a lot of upheaval in her short life so far.

FizzyFlorence8, if she doesn't think they should be paying rent, and she's so spoiled with her well-off parents, then suggest they ask them to help with a loan for a deposit on a house! You shouldn't be walking on eggshells in your own home! You've given up your own well-paid job, and are pretty much taking care of your grand daughter ... time for a serious talk with them both, I think ...

Time for your son to buy or rent a place of his own.
He does virtually nothing for his daughter and leaves the responsibility of her upbringing to you. Now he has taken advantage of your good nature by importing a free loading girlfriend and her children, who are very deliberately excluding your grandchild..

You are the landlord; draw up a new rent agreement, raise the rent (three extra people) and specify that your granddaughter has her own bedroom back; she is being segregated from her father and your son seems content to allow this. Insist that he takes more part in her childcare; he should be far more involved than he is at present. He has to take much more responsibility; the girlfriend is the symptom not the cause.

I think I’m following this right. Is it your GD’s maternal grandmother who bullies her daughter, your son’s ex? It all sounds crazy! I’ve said it before, why do people put up with this behaviour? The new partner and her kids should go. If your son doesn’t like it, he and GD can join them. There seems to be this idea that grandparents should put up with anything just to see their grandchildren. It’s not fair on you and your husband, and you shouldn’t be treated like this. Your health will eventually suffer, and then you may not be able to look after your grandchild anyway. If they did withdraw contact, at least you’d know why, and that it definitely wasn’t your fault.

I’m going to be quite hard in this reply

You don’t give up a “six figure salary” just to look after your granddaughter, you do it because you want to.
Secondly if you are that well heeled get them a flat of their own. Living in MILs pocket is very stressful for any new relationship and should only be considered as a last resort

I have a large house too but my wife would never allow the children to bring partners home for more than brief stays. Her philosophy was, young couples need space to sort their own relationships out away from parents.

Sorry to be hard but I think you are dead wrong

They need to get out of your space and buy a house. Perhaps the 6 figure salary will still be available.

sorry i misunderstood. DGD had sporadic contact with her own mother who lives abroad. She last saw her mum two years ago but has spoken via video call during that time period

Gillybob

Yes she has regular contact with her parents who are married and live together. She is a bit bullied by her mum i believe but also very spoiled. For example, her parents pay for at least one exotic holiday per year for her and her children. Plus her children are incredibly spoiled. They are also teenagers whilst my grandaughter has only just started school so quite an age gap.

I might have understood this wrong but it does sound that your sons own child is being pushed out in favour of this new woman’s children ? Does your DGD have contact with her own mum ?