Keeping a lid on it

I might have understood this wrong but it does sound that your sons own child is being pushed out in favour of this new woman’s children ? Does your DGD have contact with her own mum ?

Gillybob

Yes she has regular contact with her parents who are married and live together. She is a bit bullied by her mum i believe but also very spoiled. For example, her parents pay for at least one exotic holiday per year for her and her children. Plus her children are incredibly spoiled. They are also teenagers whilst my grandaughter has only just started school so quite an age gap.

sorry i misunderstood. DGD had sporadic contact with her own mother who lives abroad. She last saw her mum two years ago but has spoken via video call during that time period

They need to get out of your space and buy a house. Perhaps the 6 figure salary will still be available.

I’m going to be quite hard in this reply

You don’t give up a “six figure salary” just to look after your granddaughter, you do it because you want to.
Secondly if you are that well heeled get them a flat of their own. Living in MILs pocket is very stressful for any new relationship and should only be considered as a last resort

I have a large house too but my wife would never allow the children to bring partners home for more than brief stays. Her philosophy was, young couples need space to sort their own relationships out away from parents.

Sorry to be hard but I think you are dead wrong

I think I’m following this right. Is it your GD’s maternal grandmother who bullies her daughter, your son’s ex? It all sounds crazy! I’ve said it before, why do people put up with this behaviour? The new partner and her kids should go. If your son doesn’t like it, he and GD can join them. There seems to be this idea that grandparents should put up with anything just to see their grandchildren. It’s not fair on you and your husband, and you shouldn’t be treated like this. Your health will eventually suffer, and then you may not be able to look after your grandchild anyway. If they did withdraw contact, at least you’d know why, and that it definitely wasn’t your fault.

Time for your son to buy or rent a place of his own.
He does virtually nothing for his daughter and leaves the responsibility of her upbringing to you. Now he has taken advantage of your good nature by importing a free loading girlfriend and her children, who are very deliberately excluding your grandchild..

You are the landlord; draw up a new rent agreement, raise the rent (three extra people) and specify that your granddaughter has her own bedroom back; she is being segregated from her father and your son seems content to allow this. Insist that he takes more part in her childcare; he should be far more involved than he is at present. He has to take much more responsibility; the girlfriend is the symptom not the cause.

FizzyFlorence8, if she doesn't think they should be paying rent, and she's so spoiled with her well-off parents, then suggest they ask them to help with a loan for a deposit on a house! You shouldn't be walking on eggshells in your own home! You've given up your own well-paid job, and are pretty much taking care of your grand daughter ... time for a serious talk with them both, I think ...

I agree, eazybee
Your son does sound rather spoilt too FF8, hope you don't mind me saying that.

Have you let him pay lower than market average for rent and given free childcare so that he can save for his own place? If so, perhaps it is time for them all to move on.

However, try to keep it amicable for the sake of your DGD, she may feel rather uncertain to find herself in the midst of this blended family as she seems to have had quite a lot of upheaval in her short life so far.

I feel so sorry for your little granddaughter FizzyFlorence no contact with her own mother and pushed out by her fathers new woman and her children . I think the poor lamb might be better off staying with you.

Yes, gilly, I think the little DGD is the one who really matters in all this. She needs stability.

Why has your son let her be pushed out in favour of this woman's teenagers?

What does FF8 mean?

FizzyFlorence8 ?

Some people have no idea do they FF. Fancy objecting yo you going to 'their' side of the house when she goes into yours "without any regard for (your) privacy".

I understand your concerns for your GD but in your position I'd be having stern words with my son. He is allowing his own D to be pushed to one side for the benefit of his GF's children; she should be his priority not his GF and/or her children.

Your son needs to get his priorities in order the main one being his D and also not allowing his GF to dictate to his mother what happens in her own home.

I agree with eazybee, have a new rental agreement drawn up and raise the rent. If she's spoiled and has well off parents, why aren't they assisting in raising funds for a place of their own?

If you do ask them to move out they may not deny your contact with your GD out of spite. Sorry to say this but your son's GF doesn't appear to want anything to do with her and TBH she doesn't appear to figure very highly for him either.

What does FF8 mean?

Sorry, I shortened the OP's username, which was rather rude.
Apologies FizzyFlorence8; I was in a rush but didn't want to read and run.

The six-figure salary you gave up is an irrelevant red herring. Your story would be exactly the same if you had given up a cleaning job to look after your grandchild and then found yourself expected to continue even when her father had taken on a new partner and her children, and expected you to house them all too. The pair of them have three children to shelter, raise, and support now.

You can be pleased that your son has found happiness, but he has also taken on responsibilities - which do not over-ride those for his own daughter - and they are not your responsibilities..

Now that your son has a girl-friend in the house, he could create himself a family by integrating his daughter with the girl-friend's children. That would look to the future when you will no longer be able to do it! They could all live together (in harmony?) in the three bedrooms. Your grand-daughter could see you daily while waiting for her father to come home from work, but her step-mother-to-be could look after her other needs - as she would be doing if she was marrying a man without a mother to do it. If you wanted to, you could return to your previous employment.

Your half of the house should be as private as their part. It should not be taken for granted that one half can be entere3d without permission, while the other half is taboo.

I assume that the girlfriend is working. With two salaries, they could afford to give you more for rent - I take it you are doing this officially, with a rentbook and regular entries? If that feels unacceptable to them, then perhaps they would be happier being independent and owning or renting elsewhere. You have done your bit to help your son. If his new partner wants more than they can afford, she has an indulgent wealthy family of her own. It is their turn.

Meet up with them, and tell them these things - politely and tactfully, of course, but don't let them take advantage of you.

We have two kitchens, two lounges, bathrooms etc. We do not live in each other’s pockets.

I have ZERO income ATM and live practically on the bread line Because of this arrangement. Son and DIL have two good incomes coming in. We are by No means well heeled. I’m not sure what part you think I am dead wrong about.

FizzyFlorence8, I think a number of us are wondering why you let your son and partner, not to mention her children move in together, when they both have good salaries and should be able to afford their own home. Many of us would not let the new partner run over us roughshod as you have and I do wonder whether your son is just used to getting life the way he wants it, within the family. His behaviour is selfish and self-centred. Is that nature or nurture?

Nobody would argue over you taking on the care of your grandaughter and her staying with you if posible.

I would tell your son that he needs to get his own independent accommodation for his increased family. Give him six months to sort it out. As your accommodation is divisible, could you not then let it out and have tenants with a clear legal contract and probably a lot more rent coming in, sufficient for you to live on. You could then find another job, even if less well paid. I appreciate it might well need to be part time, but you should insist he pays you for her maintenance and care.

Only one poster thinks you are well-heeled, though you obviously were comfortably off when you earned that six-figure salary and bought that house with room for two living spaces without living in one another's pockets.

Is this perhaps the right time to tell your son and his fiance that you cannot afford to live without your income any longer, and you will be either raising the amount of rent they pay you or looking for work in your previous field, and you will no longer be availablefree of charge 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Now that they are a family again, you are entitled to assume that they will want to ALL be together - son, new DiL, granddaughter and step-grandchildren, also that they will want to look for their own independent home, paid for with their own two salaries.

I would be more worried about the impact the situation is having on your granddaughter.
What does your son have to say about excluding her while he swans off with his girlfriends children?

1. You have the right to privacy in your own home, but so does she. It's not on for her to treat your half as her own, but equally not on for you to just walk over to her half.

2. Why can DGD not sleep on their side of the house? Really, her sleeping on your side is not conducive to their becoming an integrated family. If one of DIL's children is a girl, can she not share a room with her? If they're both boys, why can they not share one room and DGD have the other?

3. Unless you have clear evidence that this child is being abused, absolutely do not have a word with your son. How he parents his child is not your business. If you truly feel something is of serious concern, you need to report this to the authorities.

I would be having a word.
Or two.

No offence was taken ?

As with other posters - I am really concerned for your DGD. Why did they go out for her dad birthday without her!
They need to get their own space - even if it means her (GF) boys have to share. Your DGD shouldn't have to play second fiddle.