Toddler sleeping with mum and new boyfriend.

Most of the world co-sleeps. It's our Western culture that is in the minority with our separate beds. People have sex everywhere - not just in bed at night - yet it's assumed they won't refrain when the child is there. I think that's really weird - but then shouldn't NannyWaffles (logically) be worried about all the other rooms in the house, the garden, car, everywhere else they could be having sex?

The problem is, all our replies are generalisations, because we have not even met the people described in the original post, let alone knowing them well or in any case being able to recognise a potential molester. Blanket horror at any bedsharing is a bit OTT. The details make the difference.

It is quite true, as Hetty said, that in many cultures, it is the norm for parents and children to sleep in the same bed, and in others the norm for sexual activity to take place in the surrounding countryside, not in the crowded shared bedroom. In these cultures, is it perhaps also the norm that people don't change partners as often as the OP's account?

In this case, I think the social work dept needs to be aware of the situation, and the child's mother needs to be told clearly of the rules she needs to keep to if she wants part custody. The father and grandparents should be careful how they report it, though, or she could claim that they are blackening her reputation to get control of the child.

Now your just digging an unnecessary hole for yourself hetty!

Well obviously not you hetty
I would be horrified if I thought my toddler grandchild was in bed with a strange man and yes I m sure there’s every chance that ll they get ‘carried away’ if it’s a new love affair only human after all
I think you’re the one out of step here not nannywaffles

I'm far more concerned about NannyWaffles assumptions. What kind of person assumes/implies that a couple would have sex with a small child in the bed and/or the new partner is a child molester?

Totally agree with bluebell, sodapop and others.....hetty really inappropriate replies!
Quite shocking actually.

NannyWaffles : know how it feels only for me it is my daughter that does not come up to scratch no matter how much help I have given she shrugs her shoulders and does as she pleases.

Just think about the reporting side of things to NSPCC and if social services go to family and assess they will not take the children away, my daughter has sweet talked them so many times and she ends up getting loads of kids stuff donated to her and loads of vouchers from them for Argos. When I know my GC have been at risk my daughter comes out of it smelling of roses with loads of new stuff, wish I could have been like that when my children were younger but I scrimped saved and worked to get everything they needed.
Born in the wrong generation me.

Just talk to your son first, and make sure he is aware, before doing anything else. This is totally wrong on all levels, but I would be mindful of getting involved too quickly before your son has had chance to put it right.

This very same situation has occurred with people I know. The older child told his dad about the mum's new boyfriend, sharing a bed etc. She, the child's mum, had no idea that every partner she has must have police clearance/disclosure before moving in.

Because she didn't know this, she lost custody and the father is now sole custodian. Actually his parents, who are my friends, are doing most of the childcare now and the boys' mum has limited access.

You couldn't make it up.

A simple child blow up bed, complete with built in duvet could just go with the child, and not be left there, so could not be sold.

Agree BlueBelle

I am shocked at Hetty's statement too. Of course it is not right.a child sleeping in the bed with 3 different men.
Also the Mothers sells everything even the childs bed, which is to my thinking , is essential. This really would be a red flag for me, as well as the violent ex partner.
Ask the nspcc for advice.

Hetty I can’t believe you said that of course co sleeping with parents is fine, co sleeping with a stranger is not
Would you have allowed your children to sleep with a stranger? I know I wouldn’t

Best to contact NSPCC or social services and ask for advice. Seems very wrong and risky to me. If she denied it it might be hard to prove.

Hope you are able to get some help.

I would be very careful and monitor the situation. Be sure Of the facts before you do report this.

Phoenix, I did read the post - and all the replies. Co-sleeping is the norm in many cultures so I don't think it does merit reporting.

Hetty58 I'm not sure that's strictly true. Son is her ex, true, but he's also the father of the children.
I'm genuinely asking for advice about whether this merits reporting as ohmother says she hardly knows these men.

Hetty58 read back, please.

She has a duty of care to safeguard her child. Letting someone she can hardly know sleep in the same bed as this child is not safeguarding and should be investigated.

NannyWaffles, you have no idea what she does or doesn't do - or where, you're just guessing.

Your son is her ex so will have very little say or control over arrangements when they are with her. That's just how things turn out.

Hetty58 maybe I'm being cynical but it's a new relationship and also she's shown no signs of behaving appropriately in any other areas of her parenting.

NannyWaffles you say ' I'm assuming they are sexually active while the child is in the bed' - surely not! Why would you think that?

A lot of three year olds sleep in Mum's bed. It's not a problem.

This is the second lot of 'step siblings' the children have been introduced to.

Elegran. Another ex, since my son. On one hand it's a good thing these 'relationships' don't last long but it's not fair on the children because she moves them in straight away. This is at least the third in 12 months.

You say "She's already had police and social services involvement for failing to prioritise children over violent ex. " Is that violent ex your son? Or does she have another ex?