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Toddler sleeping with mum and new boyfriend.

(62 Posts)
NannyWaffles Sun 01-Mar-20 11:40:32

I have intentionally used the word boyfriend not partner because they don't tend to last long. My son and his ex share custody. When the children are with his ex the three year old shares the mother's bed along with current man. This can't be right for the child surely? I'm assuming they are sexually active while the child is in the bed. The child doesn't have own bed and mother seems to have no intention of getting one.

Namsnanny Sun 01-Mar-20 12:27:23

I thought I'd reply as it seems no one else has come across your post yet!

I think I would be worried as well, but what does your son think?
It is his child so perhaps a talk with him to air your concerns?
Make an offer to your son to buy a bed for your gc maybe?

Jaffacake2 Sun 01-Mar-20 12:30:17

Why does he not have a bed ?

whywhywhy Sun 01-Mar-20 12:32:42

I think I would go out an buy the child a bed along with bedding. Surely they don't have sex while the child is in the bed.

BlueBelle Sun 01-Mar-20 12:44:11

I don’t see a problem with a toddler sharing his parents bed but a casual partner no no no I would not find that acceptable at all
I think it’s your sons place to talk it over with his ex and insist in the nicest way possible that the child needs his own bed

NannyWaffles Sun 01-Mar-20 13:15:18

She sells everything. He did have a bed. The other child has to go and stay with maternal grandparents once a week so current man's children can have his bed. It's a terrible situation.

Namsnanny Sun 01-Mar-20 13:47:33

Oh nannywaffles what a sorry state. No wonder your concerned.sad flowers

NannyWaffles Sun 01-Mar-20 13:48:51

Son is really worried but any attempt at conversation with his ex results in her threatening to stop access. He knows this won't happen as she has a very busy social life that doesn't fit with full time parenting. She has no filter and will start screaming arguments in front of children. She's already had police and social services involvement for failing to prioritise children over violent ex. So we don't have a reasonable human being here. I suppose my question is, is this situation 'wrong enough' to involve social services?

Namsnanny Sun 01-Mar-20 13:49:03

If current man stays once a week, can your son take his child overnight then?

Namsnanny Sun 01-Mar-20 13:54:13

Well with regards to involving ss it looks as though she has a file already doesn't it?

Call NSPCC for advice before you involve the authorities. Who knows what could happen to the children when the full weight of the state comes into their lives.

Any chance of your son having son live with him part or all of the time?

NannyWaffles Sun 01-Mar-20 14:12:22

Son would 100% have them full time. He already has them every weekend and a few nights during week. New man has moved in already. I'll suggest that he contact NSPCC for advice.

Namsnanny Sun 01-Mar-20 14:37:33

Your son sounds as If he is doing his best. Maybe the only way to go is full custody.
All this drama must be taking its toll!
Hope you come back with better news
[Shamrock] good luck.

Elegran Sun 01-Mar-20 14:55:39

You say "She's already had police and social services involvement for failing to prioritise children over violent ex. " Is that violent ex your son? Or does she have another ex?

NannyWaffles Sun 01-Mar-20 19:34:07

Elegran. Another ex, since my son. On one hand it's a good thing these 'relationships' don't last long but it's not fair on the children because she moves them in straight away. This is at least the third in 12 months.

NannyWaffles Sun 01-Mar-20 19:35:20

This is the second lot of 'step siblings' the children have been introduced to.

Hetty58 Sun 01-Mar-20 19:39:40

NannyWaffles you say ' I'm assuming they are sexually active while the child is in the bed' - surely not! Why would you think that?

A lot of three year olds sleep in Mum's bed. It's not a problem.

NannyWaffles Sun 01-Mar-20 19:42:08

Hetty58 maybe I'm being cynical but it's a new relationship and also she's shown no signs of behaving appropriately in any other areas of her parenting.

Hetty58 Sun 01-Mar-20 19:51:34

NannyWaffles, you have no idea what she does or doesn't do - or where, you're just guessing.

Your son is her ex so will have very little say or control over arrangements when they are with her. That's just how things turn out.

Ohmother Sun 01-Mar-20 19:51:36

She has a duty of care to safeguard her child. Letting someone she can hardly know sleep in the same bed as this child is not safeguarding and should be investigated.

phoenix Sun 01-Mar-20 19:58:10

Hetty58 read back, please.

NannyWaffles Sun 01-Mar-20 20:03:03

Hetty58 I'm not sure that's strictly true. Son is her ex, true, but he's also the father of the children.
I'm genuinely asking for advice about whether this merits reporting as ohmother says she hardly knows these men.

Hetty58 Sun 01-Mar-20 20:15:18

Phoenix, I did read the post - and all the replies. Co-sleeping is the norm in many cultures so I don't think it does merit reporting.

Harris27 Sun 01-Mar-20 20:18:22

I would be very careful and monitor the situation. Be sure Of the facts before you do report this.

Sussexborn Sun 01-Mar-20 20:19:29

Best to contact NSPCC or social services and ask for advice. Seems very wrong and risky to me. If she denied it it might be hard to prove.

Hope you are able to get some help.

BlueBelle Sun 01-Mar-20 20:30:04

Hetty I can’t believe you said that of course co sleeping with parents is fine, co sleeping with a stranger is not
Would you have allowed your children to sleep with a stranger? I know I wouldn’t