Gransnet forums


Helping daughter with her children

(33 Posts)
Mollypussy Thu 18-Jun-20 13:08:15

My husband and I cannot keep waiting to hear when couples can have a bubble with another bubble as our daughter needs out help now with 3 children under 6 and she works part time , I normally have the 2 youngest on one day a week and do school pick up, now she had to leave work early and miss a day work
So we have to help her , her and hubby both key workers, how can people work with no childcare Boris ! And how long do we have to wait

Mamardoit Thu 18-Jun-20 13:14:44

This will be us in a few weeks when DD has to return after maternity leave. We have not shopped and limited our going out and been ultra careful for the whole of lock down.

If necessary I will break the rules to help her with child care.

granAnnie Thu 18-Jun-20 13:18:24

Is she a single parent? My undersanding is a single parent can form a bubble with another household for support.

granAnnie Thu 18-Jun-20 13:19:04

Apologies I just read the whole post and noted she is not a single parent x

Mollypussy Thu 18-Jun-20 13:24:45

Yes we’ve been In for lockdown and not mixed at all but all you do is help them as she’s trying to juggle everything , Boris says get back to work , how can some people dependant on grandparents grrr

h48k Fri 19-Jun-20 18:46:16

I've just joined gransnet today and have a similar query to some of you. Pre Covid 19 I used to look after my 2 going on 3 year old granddaughter 2 or 3 days a week regularly. Now we want to resume asap, in fact next week I may help out for two half days at my son's family home. I am hoping for some ideas from other Grans and of course want to do the right thing. Thank you.

ninathenana Sat 20-Jun-20 08:39:54

All I can say is, report me.
DD and husband are both key workers who work shifts. They have largely managed to arrange that one or other of them is off to cover child care but there has been the odd occasion when we have had the 2 GS here 😲
There are reasons why even though they are key workers the children haven't been at school. I have't left the house except in the car (not getting out) since lockdown. The children wash their hands when they arrive and we keep our distance which they are old enough to understand.
You have to help when you can.

craftyone Sat 20-Jun-20 08:46:54

I am not waiting, family first and it has been for a few weeks. I only need to step in as emergency cover with children not at school and both parents need to be covered for when their work patterns overlap. Dd is a dentist and is working extra hours and her husband is a key worker

so they should deal with the mass gatherings and raves first, not grandparents who do what families do ie look after each other

NotSpaghetti Sat 20-Jun-20 09:25:50

Are the oldest at school Mollypussy if both parents are key workers?

Mollygo Sat 20-Jun-20 09:42:46

I feel for you. It’s an impossible situation for you and for us.
What would you tell Boris he needs to put in place so that people can get back to work without endangering anybody?
Since I notice GN posts occasionally make their way further out into the media, perhaps we could come to some agreement on here that would help him out.

gillybob Sat 20-Jun-20 09:47:16

I began looking after my DGD (age 2) again 2 weeks ago now. I have gone back to my usual 2 days a week. My DD was told if she did not return to work she wouldn’t be paid . Simple as that . No offer of furlough . She had no choice . Easy for those like Boris and Co. who have their nannies for childcare isn’t it ?

I don’t feel in the slightest bit guilty or that I am doing anything wrong . I have abided by every other rule in the book but this became an urgent situation that we had to deal with the best way we could. If Boris wants to step up and pay my DD for staying home that’s fine .

Pippet Sat 20-Jun-20 10:09:11

Noting and agreeing with the difficulty and also being in the same position I am going to start my usual caring role too for two children under five years old. I have done a sort risk assessment etc and will adhere to hand washing spraying with various anti bacs and anything else which may help however our family is in the same position as many of you have articulated. What I have done is enlist as a child minder and am going through what is very good Info. It’s a dilemma for us all and it does make me worry a little. My DIL and son are very proactive with all measures but they have to work too

luluaugust Sat 20-Jun-20 10:10:53

I think you have just got to calculate the risk and decide what you can offer to do. At least this time of year you can spend time in the garden, probably best at their house? This virus isn't going to suddenly disappear and we do all need to look to our families future.

Nannapat1 Sat 20-Jun-20 10:14:57

Agree with gillybob and others who have done their own risk assessment, used common sense and helped as needed. Our granddaughter's school hours of 9am to 12.20pm would fit with no one's work hours except the school staff! Our daughter also cannot be furloughed, it's either work or no pay, so work it is and we help with childcare. DH is a dentist and is now back to work 2 days a week, down from 3 prior to lockdown.

Mistyfluff8 Sat 20-Jun-20 10:21:14

You can be a nanny .Im doing that in 2weeks for my daughter .She asked to send her reception class son to school but they refused .He’s bored at home and it is affecting his emotional and mental health

GrammaH Sat 20-Jun-20 10:27:30

Yes, I'm another who has done my own risk assessment and am helping out with grandchildren. My DDIL is on her own with an autistic 2 year old & a very high spirited 7 year old. DS is abroad working & she is really struggling to cope. Poor girl has had mental issues in the past so we can't stand by and watch so we've stepped in to help as much as we can. I'm sure there must be thousands doing the same, Boris or no Boris

Barmeyoldbat Sat 20-Jun-20 10:30:46

I don't do any childcare as my gc are grown up but if I did I would have carried on as normal when I was needed. The government has looked after itself by allowing cleaners and paid nannies back to work but not family. So I would say just do it and care for them. I have also broken the rules by caring for my adult daughter when needed. You just have to help your family.

deanswaydolly Sat 20-Jun-20 10:48:47

I am a 61 year old grandma and registered childminder. I have been open since 1st June. I can have minded children but not see my grandchildren very frustrating. However due to several health conditions...not severe enough for anxiety is at an all time high as I know some minded children's parents are not adhering to guidelines.

MooM00 Sat 20-Jun-20 10:51:41

I started back last week looking after my GS for 2 days. I look after him at their home, i don’t take him out shopping or anywhere else. I keep us both safe, we just have lots of fun playing around the house and garden. Needs must go on money doesn’t grow on trees.

Gwenisgreat1 Sat 20-Jun-20 11:22:56

I would be happy to help both daughters with childcare if necessary. DD1 is married, she is self employed SiL is furloughed, they take turns who is looking after 4 yer old GD while t'other works. It's a similar story for DD2 who is single, but in contact with the father of her son. It works well for them.

Juicylucy Sat 20-Jun-20 12:17:06

My neighbours parents have moved in with there DD and family to resume childcare. By moving in they feel it’s safer all being under one roof and mixing as less as possible. It’s what works for you I guess.

jerseygirl Sat 20-Jun-20 13:32:44

I have been saying this for ages. Grandparents seem to have been forgotten in the grand scheme of things. I'm all for things getting back to normal but at what cost. It makes my blood boil when i see people deliberately flouting the rules. Its as if grandparents don't matter. I started looking after my grandson one day a week a couple of weeks ago. My daughter needs us if she is to go back to work. I don't care. We have missed him so much and more to the point he has missed us.

Nanna58 Sat 20-Jun-20 13:48:52

I just cannot see why Boris et al don’t realise the only way to give the economy an extra boost by allowing grandparents to decide whether they want to childminder or not is th only way forward.

Bluecat Sat 20-Jun-20 14:53:32

Depends on the risk of infection, doesn't it? If granny or grandad catches the infection from a child - who maybe caught it from a working parent - the chances of them dying is just as high as it always was. The virus is as virulent as ever, you just have to assess the risks you are prepared to take.

It's very difficult. My DD and her partner are trying to juggle home working, going in to work part-time and looking after the kids. I hope that the infection rate and the death rate are both low by the time they have to go back to work full time, so the older kids can return to school and I can look after the baby.

NanaPlenty Sat 20-Jun-20 17:02:31

What a nightmare it’s all been. I’m not disputing in any way how serious the virus is but how long can you wait to see grandchildren and look after them and go indoors at your own children’s houses . We’ve abided by all the rules. We’ve already missed three months of their lives and none of us are ever guaranteed a tomorrow. I don’t mean to be melodramatic - I know we need to all help each other and keep safe but at why point do you make your own common sense decision. Life is full of risks.