Imminent grandma feeling apprehensive

Join the club Newbiegran! Like you, I am not naturally maternal and could never understand women who longed to be mothers or grandmothers. In fact, I never wanted children and told my husband before marriage that if he did then best find someone else to marry. Fate dealt a hand that I have never regretted and along came my DD. Thirty years later at the age of 63, I became grandmother to a beautiful tiny mite who at 14 days old came to stay with me to give my D a good night’s sleep. Panic stations, where do I start! You would not believe how easily everything fell into place and thirty years fall away as yesterday. The emotion almost overwhelming. My darling GS is now nineteen a lovely handsome young man. He and his younger brother have brought immense joy for which I am most grateful. Fear not, go forth and your heart will tell you where and how - the rest does not matter.

Newbiegran.
I was exactly the same when my ds and dil were expecting our first grandchild. I thought there was something wrong with me because I felt nothing about the arrival of my first grandchild. The other granny was so excited and I had to put on an act pretending to be excited. I said to my best friend that I didnt think I had the granny gene. As soon as my grandson was born I was overwhelmed by the love I had for him. Now my heart is so full of love for both my grandsons. Dont worry as soon as you see him or her things will change. My friend told me it would and she was correct

I'm " nanna " but that's because I'm fortunate enough to have several GGC and it's a way of distinguishing between their nannie. Nanna/nana is best left for the older ones amongst us.

I don't get called upon as much to look after the GGC as I did as a nan with nan ( D ) being younger of course. All the littlies went to nursery anyway and even the youngest ( 3 ) is at mainstream school infants. I have looked after them in the past and if anything urgent cropped up I'm always on hand.

I was very hands-on with my two firstborn GC over 30 years ago so they've grown up with me, as well as commuting between them and the 3 in Oz, 2 in their 30's and the youngest at 25 so how lucky has that been ? I've got tons to be thankful for with the way my life has gone-----albeit rocky at times but you pull through and boy does it make you stronger !

I have a large step-family too who've always remained as " family " and get-togethers are a joy. I've watched them all growing up which is a privilege in this age of separations and estrangements.

Grandma feelings are wonderful and Great grandma feelings even better.

It will be one of the best experiences ever. I wouldn’t say I was very maternal but was with my daughter for the birth of
Both her children whom I absolutely adore - enjoy xxx

You'll be fine, I was 49 when first GC arrived and definitely not ready, I still had one child at home, but when I saw him that was it!. You will be a big help with the practical stuff around the house and reassurance for your DD - enjoy yourself.

I know just how you're feeling. I don't go all gooy over babies and kids, never have done, love my own kids to bits, but don't really care for other people's!!! But I love my grandkids, I help where I can, but live my own life and I'm not expected to cancel my plans, obviously would in an emergency. I have a good relationship with my eldest daughter and her two, 6&4. They're always pleased to see me, i think they think of granny as bonkers! In fact both us grannies, I'm a 15 year old 63 & the other is 57 & the same are bonkers! Makes for interesting times!!!
Helping & looking after babies is like riding a bike, you never forget..
So take it as it comes, relax enjoy & remember the best part? You hand them back!!?

Be thankful she wants you and just go with the flow enjoy looking after her again who knows you might not bond with the baby or it might be the best thing ever but you are needed as a mum for your daughter and that's a blessing

I am 60 and like you didn't feel ready to be called 'nanna' but I have a 17 mth old grandaughter and as my daughter is a keyworker (she works in Public Health) I have been looking after her since a year old. I too worried about parenting skills after such a long time but it's amazing how it all comes back naturally but now I worry if I was such a good mum as my daughter is. She tends to look everything up in books etc and follows every stage of her growing and she never tells her off or says 'no' anyway she's off to nursery introduction today and then 2 days a week so I will be needed for only one day. I feel it has worked well and I'm so glad I was able to help with childcare and washing and tidying and shopping etc. ? I'm sure you will be fine and most helpful

I'm not into babies either - you just have to learn to be a good actress - works fine for me.

Ps I also have an unwritten rule that I keep to myself - when I speak to my daughters I always think ‘would I say this/be so frank if they were my daughter-in-laws’ if the answers no I try very hard to zip it ? ?

Newbiegran, maybe you are over-thinking? You don't have to be maternal or love tiny babies (I don't) or be an expert. Your daughter just wants you around.

I would have loved more company when my four were tiny. Somebody to chat to, make a cup of tea or just hold the baby while I went to the loo would have been wonderful. I relied on friends - as my mother actively disliked children!

You will be fine. you will look at that tiny face and feel an overwhelming love.
When my GS was born, my daughter wanted her sister with her - that was fine, they are close. He was tiny, I'd never held such a tiny baby, but I was in awe of him. I did worry when he was 2 days old we had the news he had Down Syndrome, he was n oxygen. After a few weeks he fought to get the oxygen tubes off his face and I knew he would be fine.

I felt the same,loved my own but never knew how to deal with others babies. Do not worry. I adore my two GC. I don't know how it works but that bond is there. When you see your first GC you will be lost. It truly is a wonderful thing. Hope you enjoy being a grandmother. Congratulations.

My granddaughter a year old. Felt a little anxious a first but it’s like riding a bike.
Be prepared for the we don’t do it like that anymore. I only offer advice if asked.

You will be amazed at how much you feel for your GC. I was!
I now have 6 & adore them!!

You could be describing me . I was rather put out when my daughter became pregnant. But as soon as my granddaughter arrived I was completely in love. It all came back to me and I adore this child in a way that I couldn’t with my own two . Grandmas get the absolute best bit .

I was so into my career 30+ years ago I went back to work after 6 weeks for both my daughters. They’ve grown up into wonderful women (somehow) and I worried when my granddaughter was born 5 years ago, We saw her a few minutes old and I felt the same love as I have for my daughters, after a couple of months they moved nearby (From other end of country) and I’ve loved every minute of the last five years. See her most days, sleepovers, playing, trips out (before Covid) etc - I have all this time and energy I didn’t (or chose not to) have 30 years ago. It’s a fabulous blessing and I have no doubt you’ll adore every minute.

Don't feel pushed into pretending this new baby us the love of your life.
You are there for your daughter who you DO love. This is where to start. Take cues from her, help her and love her and she will love the baby, and your love will grow.

The fact that you say you don't know how to do things is a big big bonus. Too many of us on Gransnet are opinionated about how things should be done and of course that's a likely source of friction. You at least won't have that need to "button up" all the time! Great! You are one step ahead of many of us already.

If she does want advice you will be able to say, "well I did x but it might not be right anymore - what do you think?" - and as intelligent adult women I'm sure you will laugh together and muddle through.

In years to come I think you will look back on this time as a period of even closer bonding with your daughter. I wish you a fulfilling and joy filled experience and hope your daughter has a simple, happy, uncomplicated birth.

wonder what you mean, by not maternal?
I was and still am, not into little babies, but when my first grandchild was due to be born, we were 200 miles away, I was working, full time, good job, about the same age as you now,,
and I knew I wanted to be closer..
so I retired, earlier than I had planned, and we moved to be near out first gk...

wonderful, the first time I held him in my arms, little baby, we bonded,, amazing feeling

don`t be scared , go for it!

We could have been separated at birth. I am not a maternal person. When I had my DD and DS I worked so hard and I found it hard to enjoy my children like it seemed everyone else did. When my GD was born 5 years ago I too had worries but for me it was a game changer. I had an overwhelming love the minute I saw her. I looked after her 3 days a week until she started school. I got to understand the magic when in normal times they shout out Nanny and run to you with open arms. She now has a brother of 10 months and I long to hold him and kiss him but can't at the moment. I hope it turns out the same for you but it came as a big shock for the maternal me to arrive. Prior to their arrival I hated it when asked my a well meaning relative to hold and coo coo over their babies. Just try not to worry and perhaps your experience will be the same as mine.

Maybe look at it that you are going more to "keep house" for them, you know how to do that! They can concentrate on the baby then.
As others have said: cleaning, laundry, cooking.
I even did a couple of hours gardening as the weeds in the front had got out of control which had been stressing my daughter.

I did the late evening feed once so they could both go to bed early as they were exhausted. Baby fed fine and settled to sleep in their room.
I however hardly slept a wink, the responsibility was horrendous!

One (old fashioned?) tip they found helpful was to swaddle the baby when she went in the cot, they were very dubious but it really helped her settle.

Congratulations to you all x

Hi newbiegran I completely understand and can say that I WAS a disappointment to both my daughters when they had their babes. I just didn't 'get it' really. But they've more or less forgiven me A few years on and they involve me hugely in the babes' lives thank goodness.

I'd say my essential concern is for my daughters, though truly the little ones do delight me and I now love them with all my heart.

My daughter will tell you that I am not maternal (was told for long enough that I couldn’t have children, until I got a new specialist). But when my granddaughter was born I would have moved heaven and earth for her. It was love at first sight. I’m still not the gooey eyed grandma but love them to bits. You may be surprised.

Just being there to support her will help her. Do all the other things like the washing, housework, shopping etc that will all still need doing. You might be very surprised - but as a grandmother you certainly see your grandchild a different way. You are not the one that is fully responsible for the baby you are there for support - go and enjoy being with your daughter and new grandchild - you might really enjoy it.

I'm still in the process of bonding with mine. 17 years, so far.