Nightmare DIL

LOL. I have ALL of these same rules and if my MIL responded the way you do (I have a feeling she DOES have these same thoughts, actually) she would be cut off completely from the grandkids for her complete sense of entitlement and inability to understand that she is not the mother to my child.

Christmas and all those other things you listed are NOT YOURS TO EXPERIENCE. You had that with YOUR children. Your grandchildren are not your children. Not sure what is difficult - I suggest therapy.

I'm sorry you're unhappy. I understand things can be disappointing. I think where we can get into trouble is when we have an idea of how we expect things to go and they dont. I think you have to come to grips with the fact that things are not going to be the way you wanted. You can be upset and try to force it... or you can be thankful for a healthy family, and that you are included in it to some degree... you have to face the fact that your son and his wife have their own lives and their own way of doing things. Be thankful for what you have and take the time you can get. You will not win if you fight it. Best of luck!

You sound like my in laws.

They will only change if you change your ways.

It sounds like Granincharge will soon find herself visiting the estrangement thread if she continues on this way.

I mean this sincerely and in the nicest way possible: it’s time for you to speak to a therapist. Your expectations are completely unreasonable and your DIL and son sound like they are merely trying to live their normal lives and protecting their nuclear family. I know you’ve been used to “being in charge,” but let it be absolutely clear - you’re not in charge anymore, nor should you be. I know you came here looking for other grandmothers to backup your line of thinking, but what you really need is a wake up call that your expectations are completely unreasonable at best and toxic at worst. If you don’t want to completely lose access to your son and grandchildren, I’d enlist the help of a therapist immediately. P.S. your DIL isn’t using covid to keep you from cuddles. She’s trying to keep her children - and you, likely a senior - safe. If you love your grandchildren, which I don’t doubt you do, you will follow social distancing precautions. That means no cuddles for now.

Yes I too can't believe this a genuine post but you are getting lots of reaction anyway.
I think you need to take a step back, in fact a few a d allow your children to breathe and decide how they want to bring up their children. If you offer support or advice only when they ask for it, you will find that you are appreciated more.
Furthermore, for your own personal development, having a new interest/hobby may help to take your mind off family issues. Good luck!

This situation is entirely your own fault. Drinking that much in front of a child is deplorable, what would have happened had you fallen asleep and the house caught fire? If I drank that much I would be on the floor.

Furthermore, you say that your friends have daughters and not daughters-in-law even though you mentioned your daughter's wedding.

You need to make drastic changes if you want to keep your relationship with your son and grandchildren. X

This post could be real or not
However, the actions in them are sadly not as unusual as we would wish

Some of this key phrased are repeated in other posts with less details so the mil looks less guilty and pushy
- overprotective
- we have to stay in a hotel when we visit
- they only spend x time with us and it is not enough
- my friends see their kids more/babysit/etc
- the universal comment - we got along till she had the baby

And sending a friend to intercede with your DIL on your behalf, how would you like it if she sent a friend round to tell you to back off from wanting your own way and stop drinking so much wine.

I can well believe this thread is genuine.

There are a lot of similarities to my own mother-in-law in the early years of our marriage. We had the added complication of my in-laws divorcing and the battles for attention that brought.

They lived a distance away and after yet another fraught weekend stay trying to please both of them, my husband declared he had had enough and we weren't going there again.
I didn't say a word but was secretly relieved.

She was the matriarch who was used to getting her own way, likewise backed up by a close group of friends.
Things have resolved but it involved us (me) standing our ground and not allowing ourselves to be manipulated.

We have a great relationship now.
We've also been on many holidays together!

Granincharge you need to BACK OFF.
Trust that your son has made a wise choice in his wife and show them some respect.
You WILL be the loser otherwise.

Now we’ve read all the responses, it’s got to be a wind up?. TWO BOTTLES OF WINE!!!!! I’d pass out, and my husband would be so silly, he’d be useless too!?. It’s been fun though. The only worrying thing is, it is real for some people....us for one. We had a difficult 25 years from age 16 to about 40, where we were very sporadic in how much we saw them. My husband found it difficult, because although he could see the total dysfunction, they were still his mum and dad. We finally closed the door on them twenty years ago, and it was a great relief.

If indeed Granny in charge was genuine, I don't know how it didn't occur to her that she is steam rolling over her daughter in law's desire to parent in her way, accusing her of being possessive with her own children. Expecting her to want to holiday with their friends and other members of the family, I mean just why would you for heaven's sake, I can't imagine ever wanting to go on holiday with my late parents-in-law, stuff of nightmares If you are out there OP, let this poor young woman be her own person and stop forcibly encroaching on her territory. As a paternal grandparent, yes you are down the pecking order somewhat, but lets face it we've all had our turn at parenting, it's not our time anymore. You honestly get reasonable access, read some of the "cut out of their lives" threads literally no contact, sometimes for years.

Oh my goodness, you sound like my late MIL. There is so much wrong with your post, I don’t know where to start. Or perhaps I do....your username says it all. I haven’t read any other posts, so if this has been said over and over, I apologise. Just read your post back to yourself, and ask, would you have wanted a MIL like this?? My husband says...’ don’t blame your DIL, your son is happy with this, because he needs to get away from an overbearing mother.’ He had a similar childhood to the one you describe, and it wasn’t all fun. I do hope you take this seriously, otherwise you’re in danger of estrangement, as we were from my in laws for twenty plus years.

well they are her children .not yours ...do you know i have never stayed at my daughters nor have my grandchildren stayed at my flat .even though i got a spare bedroom .they come for a day each week in the holidays .but they never stayed over..yes i feel hurt ,but they are my daughters children not mine, and they have their way of doing things .dontr say anything hurtful as you may end up losing seeing your grandchildren.

FlyingSolo

Callistemon. I love your post at 08.12 this morning. Probably not so funny if people don't know the original rhyme but yes, I think you are right. I like it

I used to take little DGC in turn to a music and movement group when I looked after them and that was one song they loved.
However, it was known by DS as 'wind the parents up'

Thank you, NotSpaghetti. Must admit I was beginning to feel rather foolish to have been taken in...

Is this still going ?

Callistemon. I love your post at 08.12 this morning. Probably not so funny if people don't know the original rhyme but yes, I think you are right. I like it

My friends with grandchildren have daughters, not daughter in laws so they don’t have to deal with what I do

I have two sons and two DiLs and I've never had to 'deal with' anything. They have never been anything but my friends.

The post reads like a list of all the things DiLs have said on these forums about their nightmare MiLs. The very name, Granincharge, says it all. Time to admit that you are not 'in charge',

I suppose the OP on line name is an indicator of her mindset, "entitled grandparent" oozing out of every pore, or just a wind up! As John McEnroe was prone to exclaim "you cannot be serious!" I mean you really can't be with statements such as these "I would love my grandchildren to wake up in my house on Christmas morning" or "DIL refuses to go on holiday with us WE (being the operative word) want a big holiday with family friends" Thick skinned, lacking judgement or empathy an all round shocker!

Such a conundrum deserves to be treated by the fiercest of MNetters imo.

Once family grow up and leave the nest it is their lives not yours. Take a back seat and let them do their own thing then they will maybe come back to you. You can,t live your life through your children. Occupy yourself with things to do.

Why did you choose the name that you have used?
Either it is a wind up or you wanted people to think it is. Otherwise there would be no reason to choose a dragon name.

huge wind up - has to be - hope she enjoyed wasting everyone's time in this heat. If its not a wind up I would love to know what the person who directed her to this site thinks of the whole palaver.

Well, if it IS real, Blinko you have given some kind and generous and helpful advice.
If the original poster reads just one more answer, I hope it's yours.

I think that's the general idea.