Hi everyone, I was directed here by my friend who I regularly vent my frustrations on. It’s such a difficult situation and I was hoping for some advice...
My son and DIL have been married 7 years.. together double that. We’ve never got on amazingly but have always been ok, civil and happy to see each other.
Since they’ve had my 3 grandchildren, I feel increasingly pushed out. We used to live 6 hours away (but have moved closer to my daughter and so are now 1.5 hours away from them. ) We have strict rules they set out for us:
-We are no longer allowed to stay the night. Apparently there’s not enough room .. The room we used to sleep in they’ve move the eldest son into as soon as baby 3 came . When my husband told DIL that the kids wouldn’t need their own rooms immediately, she was rude to him and they got rid of the double bed anyway.
-They won’t stay the night at ours - they say it’s too much hassle bringing everything - they usually just come a few hours for lunch .. that’s it!!
Thanks
- We’re not allowed to babysit - this comes after we babysat my grandson and DIL and my son claim we got drunk (they went through their recycling and counted the empty bottles And exaggerated how much we’d drunk, making us out to be irresponsible for having a few glasses of wine when he was asleep!)
- DIL refuses to come on holidays with us. We want a big holiday with family friends but DIL says she doesn’t want to take her kids away with people she barely knows which I think is really rude. She knows them and doesn’t make a great deal of effort. As a large family we’re really sociable and she’s not - This can be quite embarrassing at family events to be honest.
-Dil is just awfully possessive over the kids. I feel like I can’t do anything. They’re not allowed to do or eat certain things
-Christmas and other occasions are regimental - we are allowed to visit at this time for this long. When my kids were young we spent a week away at relatives Over Christmas and I would love for my grandchildren to wake up in my house on Christmas morning to relive some of this but we’re being denied this with the offer of going to theirs for lunch ( then having to drive home is no drinking), them coming to our house but only for lunch so they can then go see her parents , or seeing them Christmas Eve or Boxing Day instead.
I just feel Me and my husband are being treated like second class citizens and I haven’t been able to recreate any things I did with my family when my kids were growing up (big long family get togethers etc )
- not allowed to put photos on social media!! We have a couple of times where you can’t see the children much and have been told off by son (obviously controlled by DIL)
- My son got really annoyed when he found out 2 years ago that we paid for my daughter’s wedding (as is tradition) But not his. He Claimed we always treat them unfairly which is not the case and this has definitely come from DIL
The latest now is the social distancing with covid 19. My DIL is loving denying me my cuddles with my grandchildren!!
Any advice? Apart from counting down the days til my daughter gives me more grandchildren?
Thank you!
Anger management!!! Help needed.