My grandchild will be 2 weeks old before I see her

I would guess that they just want to have a couple of weeks just for the three of them. What is wrong with that? Under the current circumstances, they might be being wise - giving that instruction to both sets of grandparents means that all of you will get to visit at the same time!
Don't forget that NI has different rules to those in England so travelling from over here may be different.
Forget the petty jealousy - being a grandparent isn't a competition ! the bub will love both sets of GPs the same, with a different connection to each.

As the paternal granny, I didn't feel I was scoring a point over the maternal ones. I happened to be in the right place at the right time and I saw and held all of my five GC within hours of their birth. I have always been on good terms with co-grans and I'm sure they didn't hold it against me. It's a time to be mature and sensible. OP, did you plan to visit and stay with your DS and DiL? I can't imagine anything more stressful, especially for your DiL.

Of the three who live on a boat, sailing round the world:
GD (first GC) six weeks old, on a trip to Mexico
GS five months old, when they came to the UK
GD A week old. Hurray - this one was born in London!

I don't think I feel any differently about them from how I feel about the London GS and GD, whom I saw within hours.

Met my grandson at 4 hours old.... and my granddaughter Christmas Day , as she was born on 20th Dec , and they were all coming for Christmas lunch. What a present! This seems to be a very recent ‘ bonding thing’ doesn’t it.... I couldn’t get enough help from my mum when my two were born, it was a lovely time for all of us , as husband was at work( no paternity leave then).... and mum was never maternal... so didn’t want to hog the baby...she said baby was my job,and she did all the rest for 10 days! Wonderful.

silvercollie Sat 04-Jul-20 10:19:34
All those who have said that maternal grandparents are first in the queue - correct
Same at weddings, Bride's mother far more prominent than the Grooms.
That is how it is

There is no queue this is 2020 not 1920. Common sense and kindness should dictate our attitudes, not some outdated so-called etiquette.
I am sue OP has more than enough kindness and common sense to do the right thing. You’ll be fine - it’s the Grans who do not recognise these feelings who are the ones to be pitied.

agree totally with Jane43

I just don't understand the urgency. It seems to me that some grandparents are in a competition/ race to get 'boasting rights' first. If you love your children you will want to honour their wishes . After all, to be brutal, what will you gain - you;ll see a - most probably - sleeping babe, so just a 3 D image as opposed to photos and possibly even videos of him/her . In a a few months time they'll be far more interesting.

And to be honest, if I'd just had a baby at this time, I would be VERY fearful of anyone coming near him/her, other than my partner , for fear of infection, for much longer than 2 weeks. Surely you can understand that. Just recently I read about a 3 day old baby who caught the virus - they survived , happily.

I know what you mean about jealousy. I have to live with the fact that my grandsons live quite close to their paternal grandparents and see them regularly ( though not since lockdown ) and therefore know them so much better than I do. If I'm lucky I see them 3 or 4 times a year, but just have to make the best of it, and as mentioned, remember that I'm better off than those whose grandchildren live in another country.

I think it’s all been said. You say you understand how it must be for those the GC abroad, but I don’t think you do ! I met each of Australian GS at about three months and count myself lucky!
I don’t see what is wrong with waiting until the baby is two weeks old, it’s nice for the parents to be alone with THEIR new baby and work out a routine or whatever
Not to mention Covid ......

I would not want anyone near my new baby who might be carrying any illness, especially this virus.

In fact, I think they are being very generous and the two week rule is surely for quarantine purposes?

You need to quarantine for 2 weeks after getting to NI, or not go at all until things are much safer.

It may hurt, but the baby's health and safety must come before your feelings.

My daughter said that she didn't want visitors for at last a week, if not two with her second child. I wish she'd said it with her first child as the day my grandaughter arrived it was my step-son's wedding and I had to travel 50 miles in the middle of it to see my new grandchild! I missed my son make his best man's speech which I really wanted to hear because all the guests were talking about how brilliant it was but the recording went missing. However, I knew that if I didn't get to the hospital, I would never be forgiven for putting the others first even though the new baby's photo was posted on social media before I got a photo. If I sound bitter, believe me, it is not intended. My daughter never means to offend, she is just lacking in self esteem and sees slights where there are none and I didn't want to ruin such a wonderful time for her.
Anyway, 24 hours after her total ban started, I delivered her firstborn to the hospital for a visit and my SIL insisted I went inside to see the baby. When I saw my daughter, she said she had put a total ban on because she knew her MIL would not respect her boundaries otherwise and she knew she would be feeling fragile. Her MIL hasn't yet learned that advice is unwanted or viewed as criticism, a lesson I had to learn very quickly!

I really don’t get this rivalry and jealousy of the other grandparents. Why can’t we just accept that those that live close by will inevitably see the grandchild more often. That’s just a fact of geography. Grand parenting isn’t a competition!!
My grandsons are as far away as is physically possible, New Zealand, and I’ve had to accept that I will never have the relationship I’d like and that the other grandparents get to spoil them and spend quality time with them. Being jealous and resentful won’t change the situation.
Try to relax a bit, respect the new parents wishes and enjoy the time with your grandchild instead of being tense and harbouring resentment.

One lesson I learnt very early on in life, is that we cannot always have what we want or desire. It is part of growing up and acting in a mature and considerate manner.

Apologies if blunt but I have made several posts this morning and my brain (Alzheimers) is starting to fog.

Why on earth would you feel hurt ? They are taking every precaution possible during this very difficult time . They cannot risk Covid19 coming into the house with a newborn baby. Also you are making assumptions that the other grandparents will be allowed in . How do you know ? If you abide by the rules you will be rewarded and respected later . Don't be jealous of the other GCs. That is a doomed road to go down and can only bring unhappiness to the parents . There are photos, Zoom and FaceTime . You will not get to hold the baby but at least you will be loved all the more for respecting their wishes. Should the other GCs be allowed to see the baby, which I doubt ( trust them) don't let any resentment show or even mention it . As someone said the mother's parent always get priority . It's just the way it is but doesn't mean you are loved any the less. Be the bigger person . Smile and accept.

All those who have said that maternal grandparents are first in the queue - correct.
Same at weddings, Bride's mother far more prominent than the Grooms.
That is how it is.
For me - Two grandchildren live 100 miles away, have not seen them all year. Son gets on exceedingly well with his mother-in-law and sometimes to my exclusion. That hurts.
Third grandchild lives in New Zealand and I met her when she was over two years old - it had taken many years to save up for the trip.
As someone else has said - their baby, their request.
Respect it. You do not 'own' your children.
No idea when I will be able to see my little ones again, spending Lockdown shielded - losing confidence daily!

Hithere, my compliments on your three posts here. Simple, straightforward and kind. Nice one!

You're allowed to feel jealous - sometimes it's good to accept and voice how we feel - even just to ourselves (or on gransnet) - and often in the voicing & accepting we set ourselves free from our normal negative emotions.

Let go of any 'expectations' you have of how it might be with your beautiful new grandchild and things might be a lot easier.

Nothing to add to MawB’s excellent post, other than you say it yourself “I feel jealous of the other grandparents already and recognise this isn’t good for anyone if I don’t learn to deal with it”.

That’s honest. Now you must try hard to deal with that emotion. Please respect the new parents’ wishes - their child, their rules. You’ll end up with the best relationship that way rather than becoming the demanding MIL. Treat this as such a happy time for everyone....not a contest you won’t win !

The OP has already said she will do as asked.
Please read the thread!!!

I know it will be hard but, as others have said, it's what the new parents want so there is not much you can do about it. Ask them to send you pictures as soon as they can and to ring or text you when they're able to, that way you will feel involved in some way.

I remember when I had my children I could not have done without my mum. All mothers are different and the trends change, not always for the better in my opinion.

If you break their ‘rules’ you may regret it later. Tread carefully.

Oh dear, competitive grand parenting already - do resist this it will end in tears. Do not count the number of times, length of time frequency of their visits. Your grandchild will not be aware of any of that and you risk spoiling the relationship with everybody.
Quality not quantity?
As for waiting to see the new baby - you will have a lifetime as its granny , is another few weeks so unbearable?
If you have been on public transport you really should not breach the 1metre plus rule and holding the baby is out.
I saw my youngest grandson yesterday (14 months) in his other grandparents garden for a picnic lunch which was lovely, but nobody hugged anybody, nobody went close to anybody and that’s as it should be. Would you risk your grandchild’s health? We accept not to cuddle a baby if we have a cold or tummy upset, how much more dangerous is possible transmission of Covid which you may have inadvertently picked up on the ferry.

Hang on in there - you may find they change their mind when the baby comes along - my daughter said the same thing but the when baby was born she couldn’t wait for us to go .
If not then you will get there soon enough and forget who got there first - it’s tough but lots to look forward to

I don’t go with the equally and fairly phrase.
There is something here implying rights and services.
No offence intended Atqui but who decides what “fair” is and “equal” isn’t always right either.

As a grandparent I know where you’re coming from but really....if it was me, I wouldn’t be going. Just because it’s a baby we’re talking about, why is it ok to hold it...what happened to social distancing...I would be waiting for a definite invitation (even if there was no covid). Just because a baby is born, to me, that doesn’t give us as grandparents an immediate right to descend on the family. And yes, if some people on here can’t relate to what you’re saying, it may be that they have grandchildren they haven’t seen for many months and have little prospect of in the near future. Gently does it.