Babysitting granddaughter - what's wrong with me?

That is how you feel.
Again, everyone is different.

My goodness treasure any time you can with your grandchildren and remember how draining it can be to be at home with a little one all day
I am desperate to return to the lovely times I spent with my grandchildren every weekend and whenever I could after work
Can’t remember the last time I read a bedtime story and it hurts like hell
I am terrified that Covid has changed us forever and nana time won’t be required
I like my own time but love spending time with my family and grandchildren
The children will soon be grown and doing their own thingS enjoy them while you can ultimately selfish makes us lonely be generous with your time it is a gift only you can give

I think BOTH of the blokes should be pulling their weight and not be forcing/guilt tripping a working, 60 plus , female to step in.

I don’t see much mention of your son here, apart from speaking to your husband on the QT, I assume he pulls his weight at home? I also think personally 5 Zumba classes a week is excessive and I wonder why you don’t spend more leisure/social time with your husband.
Having said that, some people just don’t ‘gel’ with young children, the tacit assumption is that as a woman you would. I would try and have a discussion with all four together giving your views.

Simple : when your RETIRED husband and son spoke , he should have defended you; and then HE could’ve I offered to care for GD !

I've done 17 years of looking after GC ,I did it because I wanted to and I loved every minute.If you cant enjoy the time with your GD ,then step away and let someone who does want to be with her do it instead.Dont beat yourself up over it though we aren't all the same ,it would be a very strange world if we were

Why not offer to help paying for a child minder?

Exactly MissA

Yes, everyone's different MissA.

That's the thing, though.
Everybody is different.

Blow the Zumba. Children grow so quickly that you can notice this before your eyes----why miss out on that ? I know what I'd choose.

I really don’t think anyone should be made to feel bad about looking/ not looking after grandchildren. It’s not fair to criticise people’s decisions. We all walk in different shoes, have different lives, and what suits one person may not suit someone else. There’s no reason to think the DIL will need help after the baby is born, outside of her husband. The last thing the two year old needs, is to be shunted to grandparents she doesn’t see often, when there is a new baby. I wouldn’t have done it simply because I would have worried my older child would think she was being replaced. She may need lots of reassurance that she is still very loved. Also it’s a new family dynamic, and it surely will be a lovely time. Babs sorry if I’ve misunderstood, but you do seem to be worrying about something which may not happen. You may not be asked at all. I do hope you resolve things, and that the birth of your new grandchild goes well.

It's just a clumsy way of saying that she will enjoy having her life back. I've met women who won't breastfeed because they want their bodies back, am I critical of them? No, it's their choice.
The problem with the OP is that she is being forced and feels she has no choice when others i.e her husband and son are busy making decisions for her.
FWIW I am 64 and only yesterday I commented to my husband that I was so glad that I no longer have to work outside the home. I would be knackered ,both physically and emotionally as my job was so draining. Sometimes we know we can't do something and as far as I can see no further explanation is required. Few here seem to want to take the husband and son to task. I wonder why?

Bibbity

*OP, is' here all day.'*
Working. The OP is at home all day working.
Also fortunately the father of the children I permitted statutory time off post birth to assist in the caring of the children he made.

I’m not very fond of 2 year olds. I’m legally obliged to care for mine but when they’re done I won’t be killing myself between work and other responsibilities to care for someone else’s.

Wow. “Legally obliged to care for mine”. Such warmth

IMO it doesn't matter how much or how little free time you have, if you don't want to commit to providing childcare on a regular basis, it's up to you.

There's nothing wrong with you for not wanting to do so and there's nothing wrong with your H for not wanting to do so either.

My p's.i.l. were very hands on GP's, my mum never was. Hardly ever baby sat and saw our boys when we went round as a family.

I'd have liked my mum to have been more involved but that was her choice and I certainly wouldn't have made her feel uncomfortable for making that choice.

OP, is' here all day.'
Working. The OP is at home all day working.
Also fortunately the father of the children I permitted statutory time off post birth to assist in the caring of the children he made.

I’m not very fond of 2 year olds. I’m legally obliged to care for mine but when they’re done I won’t be killing myself between work and other responsibilities to care for someone else’s.

The issue seems to be short term help, 'for a couple of hours during the work week' following the birth of the new baby. The husband, according to the OP, is' here all day.'
She doesn't look after her father, usually visits him on Saturday, but not at present, because of covid.
It doesn't seem that she likes her grand daughter very much, despite 'loving her to death', whatever that means.
Best for the safety of the child that they find care elsewhere.

Wow. Sorry I can’t get past the fact that the men are displeased that the woman isn’t pulling her weight in a child she didn’t create.

I would’ve absolutely ripped them both a new arsehole.

DS fathered this child and decided to impregnate his wife again. So he needs to get up and take the child out to give his wife a break.

DH can straight up STFU if he is worried about his child and DIL then he can rearrange his schedule to accommodate their demands.
You haven’t done anything wrong. You are living your life. You’re maintaining a nice and friendly relationship with your GD.
If you want to take on more caring responsibility later on then that’s up to you and her parents. But there is nothing wrong with saying that right now she’s to much hard work and you’d rather wait.

Yes sodapop I have read the OP. I am merely reflecting on the question posed by babs75. My own views on the caring role are irrelevant.

GrannyLaine the OP also works full time and cares for her father. There could be compromises I agree but her husband could be more helpful as well. Why is the caring role seen as the province of the woman only.

How does a grandma balance the needs of her own life with her grandchildren?

I think you have answered your own question there babs75

1. You live on the same street as your grandchild.
2. She is two years old and your house is not yet child proof.
3. You say 'she is a handful and you have to watch her all the time' (pretty much the job description for any 2 year old)
4. You find time for Zumba 5 times a week and that is non- negotiable.
5. There are 168 hours in every week and you are reluctant to prioritise two of them to give care to your granddaughter.

Seems pretty clear to me.

babs57 . Sorry if I sound mean but do you think that the real problem is that your husband takes himself off and is really no support or help to you? I'm sure you are enjoying having 'me time' , the 'peace and quiet' . So , when he is around what is he like? I will ask again, is he in effect , a househusband or does he still leave all of the domestic tasks to you?
And what of your son? Do you know when I had my kids I had no-one to help apart from my DH. I didn't have anyone come to stay and help around the house, no-one else did the housework, I didn't get a lie-in as my DH worked shifts and was often on nights or late evening shifts so slept at odd hours. ( he did a job where a lack of sleep would have been a real danger and I knew he had to be alert before any comments are made) I worked full time and after maternity leave went back to work full time. I just got on with it. Yes, having help can be lovely but really it's up to the parents to pull together.
Reading your response makes me wonder if the issues are really that your husband and son expect you to do everything and not fill the gap themselves.

Doesn’t sound as if you like your granddaughter to be honest. Have you read the replies on here by the way ?

My husband has been camping a lot the last few months. We have property up in the woods a couple hours north of here and the RV is stored there. He comes home for a week or two periodically and then goes back to get away from the Covid craziness. I frankly have enjoyed the peace and quiet with him gone, possibly a bit too much, and have been just doing 'me' time. A lot of the issue is that my daughter-in-law's mom lives overseas (Germany) and can't be here for the birth of the baby or to help for a few months because of Covid. She does not work and has always been here to help. They are a very close family. We went over to the house for an hour or so last night to see my granddaughter who turns into a total show-off when we are there. She tends to not bug her mom like she does when they are one-on-one -- normal toddler stuff.

Can I say first off that conveniently my DGD came along as I was just retiring. Like others I had little/no grandparent help, though my sisters and sister-in-law did (bitter, moi?), so I was determined to be the best gran I could be. Neither of mine were particularly close to their grandmothers (granddads died in their early 60s). I wanted to be a feature of DGD's early life.

Little one starts school September. It'll be only holiday sleepovers then...