Babysitting a 15 month old boy driving me to distraction please help!

I sympathise it is exhausting caring for this sort of small boy. My two eldest grandsons were close in age and just like your small GS. I don't know if you are able to get out and about but a good run outside early in the day seemed to help a bit. Also out in the garden with a washing up bowl of water and things to float or other mucky but harmless activities. I do agree that a routine which is unchanging seems to help. If he is only with you one day or so a week don't worry too much about the food, provide things to eat and if he doesn't eat them at the time he probably will later. How does your DD view this behaviour is she relaxed with it?

Well apart from telling his mum you can no longer look after him, I think the issue is attention seeking behaviour. He knows his behaviour is naughty and will get a reaction from you. Sorry, I don't believe his behaviour is normal.

You poor thing, you have such difficult medical problems, I'm not surprised that you are struggling, but like some of the other posters, I believe his behaviour, even for a 15 month old baby is totally unacceptable, IMHO, it's totally unnecessary for any c child of any age to destroy your home as he is, and, at his age he needs to be taught this.

Children of any age need boundaries, continuity, and clarity, along with love. It doesn't have to be under the same terms as his parents, when with you, he needs to learn YOUR rules?

I'm not sure if you have him all day every day, but you need to almost timetable his activities, if you can, buy a mini set of cleaning kit for him, quick cuddle with him, then he can help you do some jobs, most chiLdren's will enjoy this. If he becomes aggressive tell him he is begin naughty then tell him to be a good boy and help grandma. When he helps you give him lots of praise.

Next is break time......a piece of fruit and a drink of water or milk in his high chair, for him, and a cuppa and fruit or similar for you. If he throws them tell him 'bad Freddie' and remove the items. You can remain sat down, and enjoy your drink and fruit, but don't give Freddie his back.

On to the next time, play a game together, keep telling him what a lovely good boy he is. If he misbehave tell him, calmly, and quietly.

On to lunch, ONLY give him healthy food, praise him when he eats and ignore anything pushed / thrown away.

If you are up to it, go out for a walk, feed the ducks, make the leaves crunch. On the way home, ignore him, pop him in his buggy, he should sleep. This is your rest time as well.

Now it's time for dirty play, craft, mud pies, whatever you fancy......are you getting the idea?

It will be he'll for a few days, but I can almost guarantee that it will work, and will be worth it!

Wow! The comments towards this woman by many of you are awful. She has come for empathy and solutions not criticism. Yes the child is 15 months old but they are capable of some boundaries and reprimands. Also why would she change her flooring and home to suit him? I get putting fragile and dangerous objects high up but he needs to learn that he cannot break other peoples items. This will take time and consistency but eventually he will understand. As well I would speak to mom and throw some ideas back and forth with her as she is the expert on her child. I have boys and they were both active and rambunctious when they were small but with patience and consistent discipline them and my home came out just fine lol
Good luck and I hope you don’t take too much of these ladies criticisms to heart. It’s nice that you are helping your daughter and reaching out

Soft play

I completely understand, I am 69 tomorrow, and today I have my (just) 3 year old twin grandsons. I absolutely adore them, but they are both so lively and noisy and messy, it is impossible to keep up. I got up and cleaned the floors this morning before they arrived, you cannot see the floors for toys and chaos now. We have them twice a week and have accumulated so many toys in the dining room to keep them busy! But I missed them so much during lockdown, and in September they may start nursery, so I am making the most of it and always need a catch up day the day after they have been here. I may sleep most of my birthday tomorrow, and we have them again Thursday. I really do understand, these two need silencers when they play superheroes, one is Hulk and one is He-man!

I think the other thing that may have been missed (in the comments about his behaviour over the past few months of lockdown) is also that a few months is a LONG time developmentally at that age. Of course you would expect his behaviour to have changed in that time and if it hadn’t it would actually probably be a little worrying. At that age, developmental milestones are being met every month (google ‘wonder weeks’ for some of the mental developmental changes babies/toddlers go through). He does sound like a very normal toddler and I think given your health limitations it would be good if another care option was found for everyone’s wellbeing

I’m another who thinks a lot of the replies given might work with an older child, but I’m not sure about a 15 month old!
I’d also think explaining why what he’s done is wrong might not cut any ice either.
Usually a wee child’s main aim is to get attention, and they learn very quickly that behaviour such as you’re describing is guaranteed to get a reaction. How do you feel about ignoring stuff poured on the carpet, or the Quavers being crushed underfoot, and just clean up quietly? And could you put down his food and just remove it if he doesn’t eat it? It’s not easy, especially if you feel you should be ‘ in control’, but there’s more than one way to skin a cat!

Dear Cher69. I'm the same age as you and have two grandsons aged 18months and 4.5 years. Like you I raised two daughters and at times tiring but all turned out well!
The arrival of grandsons has been quite an eye opener! My daughter is a full time mum and very clued up. She did when my eldest grandson was one attend a course on how to specifically raise boys. It is different. I'm sure most of us here have experienced frustration at times with how differently men communicate/ behave.! Apparently it's all down to testosterone and fluctuating levels. Of course parenting skills are vital. Nevertheless the youngest seems to have had something akin to a death wish. Everything is climbed, poked or put in his mouth! I spent a week with them last October and it was an eye opener. She had a small party for Halloween with a mixture of boys and girls of similar ages. The differences between the boys and girls was amazing. The girls were quite and more concerned with group play and the creative activities. The boys were leaping around play fighting! These are very "woke" parents who go out of their way to avoid gender stereotyping!
My daughter has found it essential for them both to burn off energy. It's been trickier in lockdown but they really benefit from safe open spaces where they can climb and explore. Like your grandson little one is totally adorable and has the sweetest nature. If it's any consolation he is slowing down a little as his language develops.
All you can do is make the spaces in as safe as possible although even then he will find something. Maybe limit snacks etc to somewhere easily cleaned. Its important to teach manners etc but at this stage exploration of his world is what makes him tick.
Be gentle and kind to yourself. I'm fully aware that I'm not as quick or energetic as when I was a parent. I know reigns are very frowned upon. I had eldest for day when he was 2 and was taking him into nearby seaside town. I pointed out to my daughter my concerns about chasing after him near water etc and we compromised with a little back pack,which he loved but also has a rein like attachment.
I dont know how often you have your grandson or whether it is a whole working day or just occasionally. You do need to consider your own health needs and make it a positive experience for both of you. Respect the parents wishes but to be honest a few hours of paw patrol can be a life saver! Limit the sugar too!

My best advice (sorry if this is repeated as not read replies) get out of the house with him. My daughter is now nearly 3 and definitely benefits from being outdoors. I bought a year pass for a farm park and we go there at least once a week. She covers twice as much ground as me when we walk around I can sometimes sit while she plays at the soft play/park area within the farm park. If he’s really boisterous then obviously keep an eye on him around other kids but the farm parks I’ve been to have lots of open ground to run. Food throwing and throwing of toys was a difficult phase. I learned to just make her help clean it up but in a matter of fact way. Explanation won’t work at that age but you could talk while cleaning it up with him. It becomes a bit of a game unfortunately so again if you can feed him in the garden maybe the birds will help you clear up afterwards. I’m an older first time mother and I find it extremely hard work. I had to get the mindset that now my day is basically getting nothing done in terms of housework etc, to remove everything I wouldn’t want messed with, to do all my jobs when it’s nap or bed time and pick my battles otherwise it can become a day full of moaning from both sides making it no fun at all. Altruism is key. Don your waterproofs and get outside no matter what the weather. Good luck it is very hard work!! Try to accept and enjoy ?

If you don't want him getting into things then get a couple of baby gates and put them in the doorways of your ground floor rooms. Look around each room and imagine you are that age, what can you see that looks interesting? Move everything you want to keep out of his way up a level so he can't reach it, remove items like stools so he can't drag them over and use them to climb up with. Ask his parents what toys are his favourites and borrow a couple so that you know he does like playing with them. Can you take him outside at all? If you have a safe and secure garden he would probably enjoy being outside in the fresh air (and it does tire them out) When the weather is nice could you do a paddling pool outside for him? My grandson used to play for ages in his (with a few toys so he could pour the water and splash about with it) or a sand pit perhaps? . Is there a local park you could go to where he could burn off some of that energy? They are open again to the public I believe. I worked in a Day Nursery and we used to get the kiddies to do lots of different things during the day such as painting (cover a larger area than you think with newspapers to avoid splashes), active nursery rhymes (Teddy Bear, Teddy Bear, touch your toes etc), interspersed with quieter sessions of reading a book together, outdoor play and sitting down together to eat lunch (no snacks allowed) and then a jam sandwich before home time. Variety and getting out in the fresh air should help keep him busy and tire him out. I was 48 when my grandson was born and worked full time along with babysitting him one day and overnight a week. It is a shock to the system but, once you get organised and settled into a routine with him it will get easier and you will enjoy your time together so much more. Final tip - get a playpen, not for everyday use but for those time when the doorbell goes and you need to be sure he is somewhere safe. Keep a couple of toys just for the playpen so he doesn't see them everyday and he will, most likely, be happy as larry in there for a few minutes giving you the time to deal with whoever is at the door or to nip to the loo in peace!!

Oh come on gransnetters! He is only 15 months old, which is a baby!! Have no expectations of the boy. He is never going to be like your daughters when they were little. I'm a mum of two girls. And my second grandson was exactly the same!! What a shock to the system. He didn't walk at 11 months, he got up and ran! Honestly, literally. At Chester zoo in a bank holiday, he kept running up to other families on the picnic lawn and trying to join in. I could go on forever.
The things about boys in general is that they are active and need to move, they don't sit down to do crafts like girls.so funny.
So play to his strengths, spend most of the time outdoors if you can, as for food, a balanced diet will come. When he is 15 probably! But don't put the lad in a position where he has the opportunity to chuck his quavers. He really is too young to understand directions, so just play to his strengths.
My chaps elder brother was much more placid, which made the dynamo more novel!
A little secret - now this boy is my secret favourite of my four grandkids, two wonderful girls and two boys.

Cher69 well said and be kind to yourself.

There are always people in this world that think they know better, mmm balderdash!

Knowing something is not allowed, and having the emotional maturity not to do it, are two very different things! He's very young yet.

Summerstorm please dont stick a label on what seems to me to be absolutely normal behaviour for a 15 MONTHS old baby.
My son always had a mad half hour ,would run in circles and up and down the hall non stop ,just before bath time every night .
Out added bonus was he always stripped his clothes off too so he was a real wee comic..a naked baby whirlwind

.Many years later I met the man who had been our paperboy in a "nice" restauarnt.the first thing he said was does your boy still answer the door naked.....I laughed because I thought I was the only person who would remember it ,the answer was no but he is 24 now so I would worry if he did

Some really good advice here ..but quite a lot only suitable for children ..not babies .At 15 months he really is still a baby ..if he wasn't able to run & still tentavily toddled you would think so.Do as others have suggested baby proof your home ..only feed him in a highchair & water the rest of the time .Time in the bath or paddling pool ..always with him is a great idea.But if you really do dread seeing him ..be honest with his parents & maybe he could go to a Nursery where they are prepared for this normal behavior .

Oh I so get what you're saying. I to had three children; two girls and a boy. I find my grand-daughter very hard work. Almost exactly as you describe. She's exhausting! I certainly don't remember feeling this way with my children. I've thought about it and realise that my life is totally in order now. I don't work all that much and so this little one is quite a disruption to the peace and tranquility. And thinking more she's is very much like my eldest daughter, her mother, I've just forgotten :-)

I also agree about the high chair and confine food and drink to one safe area. Our local reuse and recycle group often has high chairs on offer or you can ask if anyone has one. Most areas of the country have these groups. I used to have a rest time with story books to look at and sometimes they doze off if you are on the bed !. If your health means you really cannot cope you needto let the parents know rather than endander youself or the child.

paddyanne my first was a very 'Meddlesome Mattie' as my sister called her, which was a bit of a surprise after looking after sweet little nieces! However, the others weren't so meddlesome.
My 'Meddlesome Mattie' turned out to be a very adventurous young woman. She teaches children with special needs now, loves it.

talk to your daughter and ask her how he behaves at home and what she does that works best .... and then come up with a strategy together.
good luck xx

The trouble with a playpen in this instance is that he's not used to being in one and could see it as a prison.
I put mine in one for half an hour or so each morning from a young age, with favourite toys, while I vacuumed (we had a hairy dog). They were quite happy in there for a short while.

Please don’t take this the wrong way. I do sympathise with op. I would consider myself very experienced 5 sons 7 grandsons and only one that I struggled with from day 1. Very similar problems to op and long story short he is on the spectrum. He was diagnosed at about 2/3yrs old but looking back it was obvious much earlier. There is lots of info out there about autism, and reading up about it might help understand the best way of helping both of you. He is 15 now and coping very well but the early years were difficult. A lot of people find it difficult and are in complete denial, however acceptance is the best way forward to get the help needed. Find out as much info about it as possible, before suggesting to parents because it probably won’t go down well

I never childproofed a room either Callistemon no stair gates either .My children didn't touch things or draw on walls or like my friends wee boy climb up display cabinets and topple and destroy them .The worst thing that happened was my daughter "baking" on the kitchen floor with 6 eggs and a pack of butter at 3am ,she couldn't reach the flour and came to wake me to get it for her !She was about 18 months .
Shes a fantastic cook and baker now ,though she sticks with a more normal surface .

All is normal for a child of his age!

Playpen - not all day but for periods of time to give you a chance to sit down with a cup of tea. Yes he'll probably scream while in it, but then it sounds like when he's not in it he's quite difficult too. He'd get used to it anyway, especially if there are one or two special toys that he can only play with while in there.