Babysitting a 15 month old boy driving me to distraction please help!

Cher69 I am exhausted just reading your post. Lots of good advice I can't improve upon. Definitely agree you should cut back the hours at least until he's a little older and can be reasoned with.
PaddyAnne 'I used to sit IN the playpen with a coffee while my child ran wild round it ..worked for me'
What a wonderful picture that conjured up for me, so funny.

when my older two had chicken pox one after the other and then whooping cough I would put them in the bath out of desperation. I look back and think how great it was when they were small but forget about the trickier times.

I sympathise with you. I look after my 17 month old grandson two days a week. At 15 months your grandson is still a baby and is exploring his world. A naughty step at that age will achieve little. Offer water, not juice, then it doesn't matter if it spills. My grandson just drops his cup or bottle when he's had enough. I assume your GS does too. He isn't being bad. If he is smashing up his snack like quavers, then he isn't hungry. Only offer a couple at a time. As others say, he eats in a high chair. At that age they don't have a long attention span so lots of different things to do, including tv and books. I try to get my GS out each day. Sometimes it's to play in the garden which doesn't last long. Sometimes I take him a walk in his buggy. I'm fairly healthy and I'm tired after a day so you must be exhausted. I think you could let your DD know that and renegotiate the hours you watch him. Tbh some posters advice is great, but for older toddlers. You are asking a lot of a baby to sit still for long. Good luck.

My youngest DGC liked the naughty step; she was a bit older (3 or 4) and understood perfectly well what it was. If told off she would say brightly "oh, I'll just go and sit on the naughty step for a bit".
Time to give up.

I just remember taking my boys outside to the park as often as possible, there was something called the "One O'clock Club" in my nearby park run by our local council, which had all manner of outside activities, sandpits, climbing frame structures, trikes, they loved it. I also took them to a lot of "Come and Play" type groups in church halls several times a week and they were a Godsend for expending energy, so they were relatively calm indoors, and if they'd had enough time outside, they were always ready for the God awful "Thomas the Tank", which they begged to watch so they could re enact all the train crash opportunities with their Brio train set. Fresh air tended to knock them out, so I was kind of guaranteed to get a daytime sleep out of them, particularly after they'd eaten. Boys do run about a lot and I think they need to get all that energy out of their system, mine seemed to spend quite a lot of time "exploding" from what I remember from the accompanying noises that went with play. It is very tiring I do sympathise, although you are a fairly young grandma but with such a condition as fibromyalgia I imagine it must be wearing for you. I also sympathise with the diet, my second son was such a faddy eater compared to my first, started spitting out food when weaning commenced, but I wouldn't have let him exist on a diet of Quavers and chips, not a lot of nutrition there and as others have stated may exacerbate the behaviour he is displaying.

I didn't use the naughty step with my sons, but I remember my granddaughter's mother asked me to use it when she had the occasional tantrum whilst I was looking after her, but she was so distraught after about ten seconds I just let her off it.

Best wishes, I hope you manage to find a way of making your little chap tired so he takes a nap during the day to give you some respite.

I was thinking more like 40, Sussexborn and Furret!

It's not always the rule that girls are quiet and boys more rumbustious either.
I know!

There's always CBeebies when you're desperate.....

Please don't shout at him, please don't use a 'naughty step' or 'time out' he is far too young to understand these methods
Yes to the high chair for eating and drinking
Lots of outdoor time too

32 seems a little harsh! I was thinking 26/27.

Playpen, gates at doors, childlocks on cupboard doors and drawers, reins for outings and a straight jacket if all else fails! (Joke! Before the humourless weigh in).

My son was quieter than his sisters though that might be that he slept a lot more. I took them out everyday even if it was just for a walk locally. Without this I would go stir crazy and so would they.

Cher. You shouldn’t be asked to look after a lively toddler with your health issues. We have a tendency to down play symptoms with visitors.

Give them a set notice period to make other arrangements then don’t answer the door if they ignore you.

Doesn’t a 15 month old have a daytime ??

A proper playpen, the old-fashioned kind.
My DS worked out how to dismantle his new fangled playpen at about 10 months of age.

Get a playpen and confine him in that. And ear plugs. Or say you refuse to look after him until he’s at least 32.

trisher yes, emptying the 'Tupperware' cupboard was a favourite occupation of one of my DD.

Perhaps his diet is making him hyper-active?

I really would try giving him healthy food at least when he is with you. He's still a baby and I shudder when I see little tots eating such rubbish.

Toddlers do tend to throw their food around as they experiment with it.
Luckily we had a dog who would hoover everything up, and so does DD.
He's at an age where he will like you to build up the bricks etc so he can knock them all down again. Great fun!

I hope you are getting treatment for your medical problems which could make looking after a lively toddler seem daunting; I do hope it is not full-time as you will need rest too.

Cher, I don't think his behaviour is acceptable for a fifteen month old, not deliberately breaking things, throwing his food about, pouring juice on the carpet etc. You don't have the energy to contain him. This reflects on how his parents are bringing him up, and if they tolerate this behaviour it makes it almost impossible for you.
Have a very serious talk with his parents and say you cannot accept responsibility for him if he continues to behave like this; he will hurt himself and you.

So many helpful suggestions on here cher child proofing your house, high chair etc.
Talk to your daughter about how she deals with his behaviour. Is it possible to reduce the time you look after him.

If all else fails put him in the bath! Children love water and bubbles. You must stay with him so he’s safe but half an hour sit down for you and him in the bath will calm you both down! Another lovely game is sensitive shaving foam..if he’s in a high chair strapped in he can just mess around with it and it’s fairly easy to clear up! Best do it in the kitchen though!

He is just a very lively boy. All the advice about child proofing is good and about getting him outside when ever you can. I'd also sort out his toys and put some away to be brought out as a surprise from time to time. Give him a soft ball he can chase if you have room in your house. Put things in one cupboard you don't mind him getting out. (Mine had a pans, wooden spoons, and plastic bowls cupboard) for some reason children know they aren't allowed in cupboards and will spend ages emptying one. Remember he really wants your approval so when he does something you want him to do make sure he gets big hugs and kisses.
I would have said see if there is a mother and toddler group you could take him to as well, but they are probably not open. Finally if you do find it all too much do talk to your DD about it. It may be possible to give him a nursery place for half a day to take the pressure off you.

kircubbin2000

You need to structure his day. As soon as he arrives for example he helps you make a snack, count the raisins help him cut the apple. Then an activity,paint,dough, Lego. Tv for a break then later a trip to soft play or park.Dont give him time to mess.

Great idea but OP has said the child won’t play and just throws things !

I’d say first of all some children can’t concentrate on playing for more than a few minutes, secondly with the food would it be an idea to just not have quavers and chips available? Make a huge plateful of different things ...Banana slices, cheese, buttered bread, apple, tiny sausages etc etc and maybe he’ll end up eating something !
I’d also like to say I don’t buy into the no television thing sorry. My kids watched a certain amount just to chill out (both boisterous boys) as do my GC. If you’re the perfect family then fine but. .....
Outdoor play as much as you can cope with.

You need to structure his day. As soon as he arrives for example he helps you make a snack, count the raisins help him cut the apple. Then an activity,paint,dough, Lego. Tv for a break then later a trip to soft play or park.Dont give him time to mess.

He sounds very like my grandson tbh and I had 2 boys and no he's nothing like them. My 2 didn't cry at the least little thing if at all. He needs exercise take him outside, my grandson loves the garden and his paddling pool not to mention the hose. He's also taken over the park or woods to tire him out. He's become much easier to handle since getting more exercise.

I agree about the high chair and food/drinks only being on offer if hes in it. Its up to his parents what he eats I suppose so no point in trying to make him eat stuff he doesn't like right now. Choose your battles!
I wondered about a good old fashioned thing I was glad of when I really needed to be doing something -a playpen. They seem to be out of fashion these days but in the course of a long day you might be glad to know there's a place he can be safe while you eg cook. He'll be able to see you and hear you. Maybe special toys could be in it. Just a suggestion.
Hard work at this age.

I'm not a believer in the naughty step at all. It's not nice.
At only 15 months old you can't really expect much else other than what the child does. It's all in the excitement of finding his feet and also discovering surrounds.
I'd worry more if a child of this age sat quietly !

You'll just have to get used to crumbs and disruption and jelly up the wall, spaghetti draped everywhere and general mess, that can all be resolved after he's gone. Stick with it and try and not get so wound up---it's what kids today are like. Go with the flow, you'll soon get accustomed to it and move breakables out of the way.

I understand how you feel. I have one adult child, a daughter. She was by no means an angel as a baby and toddler BUT her son, my darling grandson, is a WHOLE different kettle of fish.

He behaves exactly as you say. Loud, boisterous and yes, violent at times. I talked to a nursery nurse, and she said that with boys, the testosterone can drive their behaviour.

So, helpful steps:

1) Baby proof a room. If you can, put a cheap rug down so it doesn't matter if it gets messy.

2) Take him out places where he can use some of that excess energy. In normal times, I'd say soft play. For now, a park or an area where he can run safely and you don't have to be behind him for every step (playgrounds are not ideal, because you have to watch out for swings and falling off things).

3) Offer healthy food only. If he doesn't eat it, no junk food snacks. They can affect his behaviour. He WILL refuse the healthy food. Be strong!

4) Time out/naughty step. It will take quite a while for him to get it and it is EXHAUSTING training them how it works. You might have to get your daughter involved, because honestly, with your health issues, I don't think you'll be able to do it alone. Basically, when he's REALLY naughty, you put him on it, explain WHY he's on it. He has to stay there for 1 minute (increase this as he gets older). He WILL get off. You have to keep putting him back until he learns not to get off (this is where you probably won't have the energy). Sometimes you'll have to put him back 20 or 30 times until he learns. EVENTUALLY, once he's got it, the threat of time out can be enough to change behaviour, and if it isn't, you can stop the behaviour by putting him there.

5) Get him a high chair to eat in. No eating or juice anywhere else. Only water while he's running around and then it won't matter if he DOES spill it.

6) Try to find toys he DOES like. Then you can sit and play with him. But he'll only concentrate for 5 minutes or so. It's his age.

7) TV. I know people are very sniffy about this but you'll need a break sometimes. My grandson is JUST like yours, but he will calm down for TV. BBC iPlayer has some good educational baby TV. Yakka Dee is good. It helps them develop their talking. OR if you can find it online, Sesame Street (or DVDs). That will teach him a range of things. Colours. Counting. My 35 year old daughter learned to count AND her colours from it.

I really hope you're able to work it out. I have a lovely relationship with my grandson, due the amount of time we've spent together.

Naughty step?

I think you're being too kind and should have a 'punishment' for bad behaviour. It could be that he doesn't get his Quavers (he won't starve) or something similar. Nothing too awful, of course, just something that will back up your 'that's really naughty'. You could get him to brush up the Quaver crumbs....

You'll have to use the sanction firmly and regularly at first, perhaps with a firm 'No!' It'll be hard work for you to keep it up but it shouldn't be long before he gets the message and you'll only have to remind him.

At the moment he's pushing the boundaries and you haven't yet shown him clearly enough where they are.