Babysitting a 15 month old boy driving me to distraction please help!

Ah yes,may have seemed a bit off topic.! I was thinking of all the fun social things that my grandsons used to love before lockdown and they are missing. They are sort of activities that lots of grandparents use to and are a good distraction. Hopefully they will return . There is a lot of research coming through about the psychological impact of lockdown on everyone, including children. Even the youngest pick up on general atmosphere. May or may not be case here but always worth considering alongside other suggestions here including a firm and consistent approach. ?

Dorsetcupcake61

I do worry about how this is affecting little ones. Many happy times have been spent in soft play and toddler groups where they learn to be sociable and negotiate. Lovely storytelling sessions in the library. The concept of social distancing goes against everything childeren need. Let's just the vaccine is a success and more is found out about any risks to this group. I must admit its helped during this pandemic knowing that grandchilderen are not high risk and their parents are lower risk too.

From page 7 on this thread yesterday at 18.45!

WOW - Seems like he has been allowed to get away with this behaviour and not disciplined (and I told mean shouting at him because you have said this doesn't work) long before you took over baby sitting responsibility. It could be that he is missing his mum and dad. My mum always use to say - if you let someone get away with something they will! We would all behave badly if we were allowed because apparently it's human nature. Apparently we all have to have routine and discipline and even though he still is technically a baby, it's never too early to start although rather you than me. Maybe introduce it gradually. Giving him healthy food might be a good idea (Callisamom). There is so many chemicals and additives in food that it's no wonder some children react which might be what he is doing - reacting to the chemicals.

be careful of giving him peanuts for the squirrels, unless the nuts are still in their capsule shells, with a nut at each end inside.
if they are naked nuts, esp peanuts, he may put them in his own mouth. they are a choking hazard for under 36 mths, also uncut grapes.

@Hetty58 I would never be one to gender stereotype either with my daughters or grandsons. That said the impact of hormones can not be ignored or indeed the wider sexism that still is apparent in wider society, for all genders,although things are changing. @Daddima rather bemused by your comment. !

therapy??

No, they were

Autocorrect rules.

Sorry for typos, I should have checked.

I hope we've helped.

I was going to be Mary Poppins with my own children- until had them! And, although I was an older Mum, I had more energy in those days.
I looked after my DGD just a couple of days a week and yes, I was tiring although therapy were very good girls.

Babies do change and develop very quickly and 3 months is a long enough time for a baby to change into a very energetic toddler.
I expect it's been difficult for your DD and SIL to work at home as well as give him enough attention so he's got used to roaring around pleasing himself.
I hope everything settles down now he will be getting more attention from you and from nursery.

Remember - you're the adult! A firm 'No' helps him to learn; he doesn't know yet what is acceptable and what isn't.

Good luck.

We go to the park everyday to feed the birds he loves it and has pigeons feeding out of his hand. He feeds the squirrels peanuts and they come very close to nearly got them eating from his hand. He loves animals. We go shopping and he chooses the wild bird feed. We dont give them bread it's bad for them something I only just discovered. We have a tree outside the bedroom window with three different types of feeder for different types of birds. We also play in the garden lots when we can. I live in a flat so it's a communal garden so cant have as many playthings as I would like but I do try x

I like that, Furret! My suggestion for all it's woth, can you take him to the local swing park to wear him out?

Cher69 yes it is good here and does make you feel less alone on all sorts of issues. There are always people who think their way is the only way,sometimes there are nuggets of wisdom sometimes as in life just ignore?. I think any parent who says they havent struggled at sometime during lockdown is in denial or telling porkies. The pressures of being cooped up plus all the other anxieties tremendous. He was in a good routine before and will be again. He sounds adorable ??

Once again thank you so much for all your amazing advice and ideas. Some of which I knew already (So why my brain didn't think of them god knows?) I put it down to lockdown making my brain turn to mush. Other things I hadn't thought of and are fab ideas which I will certainly try. I just want to say it is incredible just by interacting on a forum with people who understand how uplifting and encouraging it is. Just to feel that you are not the only one who experiences these things brings about a renewed enthusiasm not just for caring for my grandson but for life. Having fibromyalgia copd and mental health issues which I didnt disclose before because I didnt want to be judged. ( However I have been by some so it didnt really matter anyway lol!). Does affect my ability to cope but I do have a husband who helps when I can't function at full capacity. As I have said previously he doesn't behave like this all the time. He is a beautiful loving little boy. I have two cats he adores and strokes gently. I have taught him to do this. Before lockdown he was pulling their tails and hitting them. Because he didnt know any better because he is a baby. I taught him by buying him a toy cat to take home and during lockdown his mum has been playing with him and the cat. Teaching him to be kind and it has worked. So I am not oblivious to the development of a baby or of his needs. I have looked after him since birth. His mum is self employed and had to return very soon after she had him. Maternity pay doesnt last forever when you are self employed it's really hard. He is also a breastfed baby. But did take bottles too fortunately. So I think it was more the shock that he had developed so quickly during lockdown and I presume that if there had been no break in the routine that things would have been a lot better now. Because we had structure and a routine from him being 3 months old. Then lockdown came and everything changed for everyone not just us. I honestly feel that this is a huge part of the problem. He has been given quavers by his parents because they thought it was easy at times when they were struggling. I think he has probably been let loose to run wild and get away with things because patience has run thin at times in the household. Not all of us are Mary Poppins with a never ending reserve of patience and energy even though some would like to think they are.. Every child is different and develops some quicker than others. I know he gets frustrated because he trys to talk to me in his own way and is very articulate and animated. We will get through this together. Thank you all of you even the ones that have criticised me. If that makes you feel better I am glad to be of service.

Should we refuse

I can't really offer advice as had two daughters, but one of them who has two sons has a theory that boys are like dogs in that they need to go on walks/run/burn off energy! Maybe more time outside or at a soft play centre where he can work off his energy? Best of luck

I’m not surprised you are finding it hard to cope with a lively grandson , as well as having fibromyalgia!

Maybe you should tell his mum that it’s too much for you?,

Cher69 you are doing a great job really aren't you and I am sure a more structured day will help too. Ignore the daft comments!!
Good luck and enjoy!

He sounds rather hyperactive to me, yes he is a baby but he is still a handful. I don't really have any recommendations, but I suspect that the sugar and additives that are in processed foods is not helping him. Without it he might be a little calmer, although still a toddler pushing boundaries. My niece reacted terribly to food additives, she turned into a right monster when she ate them, your grandson sounds very similar.

Not all boys behave in the same way.
My grandson, now 12, happily played with any toys, dolls as well as trains, loved dressing up, chose to draw and colour rather than crash around, loves Lego, designs airports and stations, reads quietly, enjoys football and long walks.
His older sister was not interested in dolls, preferred cars and trains, is very active, runs 10k, goes climbIng, plays cricket.

In short, rounded interests and choices.

I strongly object to all this stereotyping.

There have been a variety of programmes watching how children play and interact in different settings.

A play house and some plasticine; the girls set about making it homely, decided who would have which role to play, then set about making food out of the plasticine.

The boys started off the same way. Then some of the boys kept bursting into the house and it ended up with them all running around, some of them trashing the home.

It showed the plasticine at the end of play.

Girls - roughly in matching coloured dollops.
Boys - great smears of flattened, sludge coloured gunge.

Lego. The girls built houses and home items.
The boys built much more elaborate things, rockets, tall structures. Then they had a play fight of knocking it all down and ended up running amok again.

I disagree with saying this is stereotyping.

My grandson has dolls, a kitchen, a toy hoover, a buggy. He has dress up dresses and loves having his 'make-up' (no actual products touch his skin!) done when his mum is doing hers. He is allowed to be whatever he wants to be.

He is still a manic ball of energy, even is he does it wearing a tutu with hair bobbles in. Yes, I'm aware that girls can be just as lively. BUT boys get a testosterone rev at some point (I got the information via a nursery nurse, so I'm not the expert) which CAN put them into overdrive.

I 100% believe it is the family's responsibility to curb any violent / aggressive behaviour and to teach a child how to behave in a kind and compassionate way. I did it with my daughter, using our pet cats as practise. We're doing the same thing with my grandson. The difference is by 2, my daughter was kind and gentle with the cats whereas my current cats are scared of my grandson. NOT because he is ever allowed to be unkind to them, BUT because his natural inclination is loud and boisterous. We WILL train him to respect the cats in the end. He's getting there now.

My darling boy is a kind and sweet little one. He just happens to be jet propelled. Whether that is his boy hormones OR is just the way he is I don't know. But he'll grow up respecting women, knowing violence is wrong and being kind to animals regardless.

Esspee
I agree with you.

What you are describing is letting the children pick what they like, not excusing or guiding the behaviour because of their gender.

A girl and a boy can be boisterous or active or quiet or chill or emotional or crafty or... whatever they want to be

Qualities are not tied to genders, but to personality

Saying that boys are more active than girls is what I oppose.

Saying "boys will be boys" to justify a behavior in males but not in females is what I am against

I have 2 grandsons eldest is now 6 and youngest nearly 18 months. I only have them one day a week. It is exhausting but fun. I also COPD I'm 6I. I go to my daughters house rather than have them at mine as it is childproofed and they have all their favourite things to hand .I find this works much better Eldest is school age so most of the day is with the youngest, same age as your grandson. Its a long day I arrive 7 15 am and leave around 6 30 when my daughter gets home. Could you try this?
He only eats in his high chair in kitchen and has a good appetite so usually eats most of his food but does sometimes throw his food around. He thinks its a game. When he starts this I remove him from High chair and put food away for later.
I take him out in his pushchair to park or into garden to blow off steam. I take my lead from him. He likes to listen to his favourite songs and I dance with him. He rarely sits still long enough for books and stories yet. We build towers with bricks and knock them down then start again. When he is looking tired or fractious I do allow him to watch some peppa pig on tv, then put him in his cot and he will usually have a nap. If he having a bad day I put him in bath with his toys to splash about etc My partner does pick up eldest from school at 3 15 and brings him home. I then gladly hand youngest to him for a while so i can make a meal for eldest and chat with him about his day. This is much needed respite!
This works for me but glad only one day. My daughter is now part time since youngest born. Other grandma does the same on another day and her husband now has a day off in the week to cover the 3rd day. He then makes up his working hrs on a Sat when daughter is home. I hope you can discuss things with your daughter and work something out that makes things easier for you, Good Luck

UK50 I am very glad you weren't my mum or that you had nothing to do with my GC ,who I have looked after for 17 years and who are all very well behaved ,well adjusted young people

You have my sympathy, but you really have to set boundaries. Choose your battles. Let him get away with little things. Be firm when his actions are unacceptable. Give him plenty of physical love and praise him for good behaviour.

@Hithere I read your comment “stereotyping behaviour by gender is a misogynist behaviour we have to change” with a grin on my face.
Reality is that in general boys and girls are like different species.
I used to believe in trying to bring my children up in a gender neutral way, as did my daughter in law.
I had boys and cheerfully encouraged them to play with their baby dolls to no avail, they preferred to hammer and construct things.
My d-i-l had girls who despite being offered gender neutral options they chose, from their earliest days, stereotypical ‘girly’ pursuits.
Most other mums I have discussed this topic with agree that boys and girls are hardwired differently.