About to tell my parents they are going to be grandparents and need some advice

Newmama?

hello,i wish you lots of happiness with your baby.My mother didn't want me to have my son that was 37 years ago and i never will forget that so i hope your parents are happy for you.I wish i had handled things better myself in many ways so you both be happy and enjoy all that's to come be kind to yourself.x

Congratulations, Newmama. I wouldn’t wait till you are four months pregnant to tell your parents. I would be really hurt if my child did that to me. I think maybe the kindest way is face-to-face, and at the stage you think they would most like to be told. If you need to use their medical insurance, it might be good for them to get used to the idea before you start needing it.

I am sure they will adjust and will come to be happy that they have a new grandchild. It’s certainly better than you not being able to conceive, as many can’t.

Wishing you all the best.

I am sure your parents will be happy eventually but having a baby on their health insurance is a bit much. What if the baby has health issues. Will your parents cover those costs too? And if you're employed, why don't you have health insurance through your employer?

As a grandmother of one GC whose daughter went through years of IVF agony prior to success I personally feel your parents should be glad about the new baby!

Perhaps if you were having to live with them in their house in overcrowded conditions and you were all genuinely worried about whether you could all afford to eat - or pay the rent/mortgage and the fuel bills - some disapproval might be justified. Even then, you could probably work together to manage the situation.

If this is not the case - show them you've thought things through and will be doing your best - and don't worry, be happy!

i guess you are concerned because you are on their insurance, which i can understand.
will you be covered for maternity care on that.

I didn't want to tell my parents. I was terribly young. Living abroad.

My mother was appalled. However the minute her first grandchild was born she was totally smitten and just adored her

That child grew up and had her first baby at 28.

She was worried about telling us. I was still in my 40s and she probably thought I wasn't ready to be a Grandma!

However that child is 11 now and an absolute joy

I'd also wait until you were at least 3 months pregnant before you tell them

Good luck!

Babies keep their own timetable. There is very rarely an optimal time to have one.
Yours is now on his or her way to join your family, congratulations ?

I would leave telling anyone other than your husband until you have past 12 weeks. Then your parents and his parents should be joint second to know. I think the reason you are asking Gransnet is because you feel that your parents may have assumed you would wait until your careers were underway and you were more financially independent. If they have made that assumption, then they may be surprised, and they may be worried about how you will cope. They may say you should have waited a bit but that doesn't mean they won't be happy for you if that is what you want. The baby has happened and I'm sure that they will be looking forward to the new arrival.

I was very shocked when my son told me his girlfriend was pregnant, while they were both at college, and yes, it was my view they should have waited a few years, but my grandson has been a delight. One of the reasons I would have preferred them to wait was because I had assumed I would be retired when grandchildren came along, and would be able to help out with child care, which hasn't been possible as I work full time. They have managed most things really well, and both have fairly good jobs. It has been tough for them juggling childcare though. They had to rent intially but managed to buy a little house last year.

Congratulations. Best of luck with the parents. They will calm down and get used to becoming grandparents. If you are really worried send them a loving letter telling them what great parents they have been and that you think they will be wonderful grand parents. You sound nice and your parents have done a good job in educating and providing for you. Tell them you are nervous and would value their support. Good luck. Let us know how you get on. hugs

Congratulations, first of all.

Secondly, you need to be sure that you have adequate medical cover. My eldest grandson in the US is 25 and is covered by his dad's insurance, but loses that cover at his next birthday. He hasn't got as good a job as his dad and therefore any insurance he gets in his own right won't be as good. I imagine that the same applies to you. In fact, I think you might struggle to get cover, as insurance companies presumably regard pregnancy as a pre-existing condition. Obviously, it would be a good thing if your husband could quickly get a job and insurance.

So you have a strong reason to tell your parents as soon as possible. They are bound to think your timing is bad, because they care about you. If they are tactful, they won't say it. If they do, don't take it to heart.

Don't worry, you will manage. Our first baby was an "accident." We hadn't been married long, I was ill and we were broke. As my brother-in-law said, hearing the news, "Congratulations and hard luck." We didn't know how we would cope but we did, somehow. Tell your mum and dad soon. Good luck.

If you are nervous about telling them face to face why not send a greetings card “to the new grandparents.” They will then have time to get over the shock, and maybe not just blurt out something that might upset you. Many parents don’t think that their children are ready to become parents, but there is rarely a perfect time.
A friend of mine had 8 children, nicely spaced with 2 years between each one. She told me that she loved having them, but dreaded telling her parents, after the first 3, that she was pregnant again. Another friend had 4 daughters in 7 years, and her mother was quite unkind to her when she announced another child was coming. It turned out to be a boy, and the sun shone out of him!
I’m sure that your parents will soon be delighted with the idea of becoming grandparents, even if it doesn’t seem that way at first? Good luck with the baby.

I would wait until you are 15-16 weeks pregnant before you tell parents. By that time your DH may have found a job.

Sorry newmama. I have re-read your post. Thank you Lucca.

I can add little to the advice given by previous posters. All the best, and hopefully all the grandparents will be over the moon.

Congratulations newmomma, I would advise you to wait until you have passed the twelve week mark in your pregnancy because that is the point when things sometimes go awry. Once you are over that, invite them for a socially distanced meal or picnic and tell them beforehand that you have some wonderful news for them. Your Mom will most likely guess, Dads tend to be a bit slower on the uptake. And then wait and see... From my personal experience, when we told our parents we were expecting our first child not very long after we had married , both sets of parents were less than enthusiastic and indeed my own mother told me she thought we hadn’t been married long enough! When our firstborn arrived neither set of grandparents could see enough of her, I think the expression is ‘besotted’. When my own children made us grandparents, I have to say that they turned our lives upside down and we wouldn’t have it any other way. We feel blessed. Good luck with your pregnancy, don’t worry about you Mom and Dad, you are going to be a Mom yourself now, so think about your little baby. ?

Must be posting from outside UK ie college, insurance reference. Do you think your parents won't notice you are pregnant eventually. Why put off the inevitable? Unless of course you expect your partner to secure a job very shortly and feel that would make the situation easier for your parents to deal with. They are though still going to be grandparents. Congratulations!

I forgot

Announcing your pregnancy is a choice, you can elect not to do it.
Take care of yourself and your health and beware of harmful external factors.

The baby bump and the baby will speak for themselves ?

The main issue is that you wrote your parents are judgemental.

It doesnt matter you are 18, 24 or 42.

They will be judgmental and you will have a hard time giving them important news, no matter how old you are.

I would deal with that anxiety and insecurity you feel now. That skill will help you the rest of your life.
You will need to protect your kid against that judgment and the effects you feel now due to their behaviour.

Insurance: are you able to get in your state's medical insurance and get out of theirs? Your dh works and he can list you in his?

Hetty58 is right. Wait at least 14 -16 weeks along to announce your pregnancy. Congratulations!.
It is much harder to announce a loss if anything goes wrong, trust me (btdt)

I think the insurance is the issue ,I dont know anything about the American system but if its going to cost them extra to cover the pregnancy and delivery then maybe you'd be best to tell them soon .Or ,try to get yourself insured for it .Congratulations ,and best wishes for a healthy pregnancy and safe ,swift delivery

I was 21, married 3 years and we were both earning very small money when I was first pregnant, yet felt like you -as though i still needed my parents approval- no idea why. My parents response was- they were happy as long as I felt settled enough with my husband to have a child. this was 4 years ago. When my son & his girlfriend were in the same position, I asked him how he felt about the pregnancy. When he said they were both happy, I told him then we were overjoyed -although to be honest we were worried sick. Once you hit the 12 week mark, then please tell them as they will be able to help you overcome any difficulties. I don't see any reason at all for them to be judgmental.

I hope they will be very happy for you. Is there any way you can take out a Health Insurance for yourself and your husband?

I don't know whether you are in the U.S. or in a European country, but I though a husband's insurance covered his wife in most places and that you couldn't remain on your parents' insurance once you came of age, so I can't advise about insurance and have probably misunderstood what you meant about it.

Congratulations and let us know what your parents say!

Annaram1

I'm not sure why you are on Gransnet, newmama. You are a long way from being a Grandma. Mumsnet might be a better forum for someone of your age.
Regardless, I do hope that all goes well for you.

Because she wanted to see things from prospective grandparents point of view, I’d have thought that was clear !

If she is already on their insurance then she is on it, and covered.

I'm not sure why you are on Gransnet, newmama. You are a long way from being a Grandma. Mumsnet might be a better forum for someone of your age.
Regardless, I do hope that all goes well for you.

Lemongrove yes she is 24 but if in the US or somewhere where health insurance pays for healthcare it is not good if her parents don't like it as it is currently their insurance she is on. Hopefully they will be happy to become grandparents but OP's nervousness is understandable and not easily dismissed with a "if they don't like it, tough"!