Are modern grandparents 'too soft'?

It's the GGC who are proving to be the problem more than GC.

Our granddaughter is grown up now. She stayed with us a lot when she was younger. Whilst here, she was spoiled relentlessly. We did exactly as her mother told us with regard to meals, bedtimes etc.
However, we gave her lots of treats, outings etc. She was, and still is, a well mannered, happy girl. We rarely had to discipline her, just the usual not wanting to go to bed etc but nothing major. We found it hard to tell her off but rarely needed to.

Yes, I’m far stricter about all sorts of things. Easier about others - grandma is supposed to be fun!
What I find very hard to take are personal comments addresses to anyone, also criticism and “yuck” comments about my food. I make a terrific effort not only to prepare veggie food, but the few things they will eat. I’m carnivorous the GDs are not. Each one to their own, criticism and comments are rude and unnecessary,
Very rarely give any sort of present without DD’s express approval.

As regards manners and general behaviour, I think I’m much the same as I was with dds, i.e. pretty hot on standards.

Definitely more relaxed about other things, though. Whereas I’d have had a fit at the mere idea with my own (ugh, how tacky!) I have been known to take a 4 year old Gdd into Boots, expressly to let her choose 2 different colours of nail polish for her fingers and toes! (We were on a seaside holiday at the time, not that it makes much difference.)

For Christmas also when 4, I gave her a set of children’s make up in a lurid pink plastic case - something else that would have made me cringe before. As I had fully expected, she was over the moon with it.
Luckily my dd is very relaxed about such things.

I didn't need to be strict with them as Nana was all about fun. I spent hours playing games with them, reading or making up stories.
I left it to their parents to teach them to be polite and they were mostly.

Same as Maggiemaybe when my grandchildren were young. Good manners necessary but time for going to the park, jumping in puddles and lots of time on the beach. Fortunately that was before screens were considered so vital to every day life.
There was a corner shop near my house which sold penny sweets so that was a treat, and a visit to Blockbusters to choose a video for the weekend.
How times have changed.

If we’re looking after them in their own homes, mum and dad’s rules apply. Things can be different at ours, some things we’re more lenient on, some stricter, and they do get more treats, film afternoons with popcorn etc here. We’re all strict as far as good manners and eating at the table are concerned, but we’re none of us overly houseproud, so we’re on the same hymn sheet as far as making a bit of a mess is concerned (easygoing). If they’re staying over, particularly with their cousins, the usual bedtime goes right out of the window - again, with AC approval (sleepovers are only occasional)!

At the end of the day we all want time spent at ours to be fun, not something they dread, but nothing’s done secretly, and if there were anything the AC didn’t want us to do, of course we’d stop.

Yes, manners. ‘Yes please’ and ‘Thank you Gaga’ in my grandson’s squeaky little voice is adorable.

I’m the same with the GC as I was with my now AC. I’m quite firm on manners & behaviour! I do tend to spoil them a bit as I don’t see some of them very often. My local GSs don't get many ‘naughty’ treats at home so they make straight for my freezer for ice creams or to the biscuit tin when they visit My DD knows and accepts that it happens. (They keep toothbrushes here!). I think its a grandparent’s prerogative to be a bit lenient so long as you don’t overdo it.

According to two GC, I am much stricter than their parents! I like them (11 and 8) to use a knife and fork properly, at least try things they have never seen before, and not to treat the furniture like trampolines.

Not stricter, different. Healthy food but not necessarily at the table. TV but only educational TV. More playing with him instead of leaving him to amuse himself.