Non-biological grandchildren

It’s lovely when something shouldn’t be ‘ thing’, but sometimes, it just is. I was adopted, and constantly told, it doesn’t matter, you’re ours now, and all this type of thing. I used to envy people who could just slip into any role. I couldn’t. If it wasn’t real, the it wasn’t real. I understand you OP.

What a sad situation

Those poor children more than likely know they aren’t as well liked due to biology.

I want more background though to give proper advice. Sadly I know it’s not forthcoming

thanks not spag. I'm not offended at all. Just probably on the tired side and not reading carefully enough.

thansk for your consideration

My son married a woman with two very young children, one under 6months and the other only 3. He went on to have three of his own children but I can honestly say they have always been treated the same by him and also us. In fact child no 2 (not his) use to invite herself to stay at weekends and we still have a very, very close bond. I don't think blood ties matter.

May I come at this from a different angle? OP recognises that she feels differently about her daughter’s children. That is a starting point to solve the problem if she wants to do that. I presume that having posted here, it is implied that she would like to better the relationships. I am not clear but am guessing that perhaps the same sex relationship and the split have in some way contributed to the tensions. Also going on holiday together if you don’t see one another a lot can be challenging. The children have had to see their parents split up and may be feeling insecure and needy, not surprisingly and perhaps this is what OP views as overindulging. I think a starting point, given OP’s reservations about the girls is to behave as if she likes them whether she does or not. Children are sensitive and will be aware of granny’s feelings. Be nice to them until it becomes a habit, then try to be fond of them and hopefully love will come. If you want a good relationship with your daughter and to support her as a single parent, this is a must. Imagine if you were in the children’s shoes. If you treat the children well they will reciprocate; I imagine they want you to love them. You will set a great example to the rest of the family and your reward will be to be loved in return. Good luck.

Nothing to do with blood ties all to do with the parenting . We have granchildren not biologically close to us or their mum but sometimes I even see a look of their mother in them because they copy her expresions . Makes no difference where they came from they are still children in the family .

I wasn't criticising you, greengrass - sorry if you thought I was. I was just thinking that some of us were trying to offer solutions. And yes, you are right about feeling protective for sure. I know I would probably be pretty fierce!

My DS1 had a 9-year-old daughter by a previous girlfriend when he got married. My lovely DiL has been a wonderful step-mother to my DGD and her parents made no distinction between her and their 'biological' GC. Even now, with DS and DiL divorced and with other partners, and my DDG almost 29, the relationship still holds good and I am so grateful to my DDiL for being more of a mother than my DGD's 'biological' mother has ever been. I can't bear to think how she would have felt if she'd been rejected.

A lot of you did sound very preachy.

Yes Ns I honestly thought you were anyway, just trying to spell out my intention it is difficult on a chat board as they are just words and you can't see the person or gestures etc.

Also it can be very tough as a parent of any sexuality or type, as in modern times it seems the whole world judges you, whatyever you do.

l
I should imagine with having two women as parents they have come in for their share of nasty, unsolicited flack from complete strangers anyway = sadly and judgements.

So in their place I would be very protective and even unfortuantely a bit defensive about my position.

But then protective as a quality for a parent is probably on balance more a good thing than a bad one.

I think several of us were trying to be helpful greengrass....

This sounds like a difficult situation and I feel sad that some posters have felt as if they can't post anymore.

Personally I think I would feel as if I needed some time and space to adjust to a new situation like this.

I'm sorry too the holiday was strained. Sometimes we have very high expectations of high days and holidays and I'm not sure we do ourselves any favours with that, as especially at the moment holiday situations can be very strained especially with kids.

As an older parent, not a grandparent, I have often felt judged in my parenting, and I'm sure at times people have thought I was over compensating or over indulging too.

But sometimes I have wanted them to understand that they can't possibly see the exact nature of the relationship with my child, and that actually I don't do this, and what they are seeing is one tiny fraction of our reality.

I dont' know if that helps. I intend it to be helpful.

Another poster who just wants to have her opinions validated and not interested in other view points.

I think i will stop posting anything from now on.

Children in a family are children no matter what. I'm nan to them all. Step-children, those outside the immediate family too. I'm still nan to my GS's ex-girlfriend who visits from Holland I've lost count.

It really shouldn't make any difference non-biological or not. Life is so much better and easier when you can accept the children for what they are. Treat them all the same. I was no different with my step-children than my biological ones. We were " one " as a family and 60 years on we're still all the same so it can and does work. Multiplied a bit since

Virtue signaling is going around announcing you have good morals but not actually practicing what you preach.

Like posting about how wonderful a charity or cause is for attention but not actually donating or helping in any real way.

Basically OP said that we are all full of it lol

Their choice Bathsheba.
They have other nannies they call nanny,this is a large family.
Example Dh has 12 children. i have two.
Second marriage.

Another new poster with a strange tale.
[sigh]

Goodbye.

Did you not get the response you'd hoped for Iolais?

lolais

Well so much for your virtue signalling. Thank you and goodbye.

Not sure you understand what virtue signalling is, lolais

There's none of that in any of these posts!

Well so much for your virtue signalling. Thank you and goodbye.

my Gc call me Grandma and my step Gc call me nanny.

You said you treat them the same as your own GC, so why the difference in what they call you?

Unrelated children still need love and affection as if they were your biological Gc.
Regardless of their parentage.
I have step Gc and treat them the same as my own Gc.
And they all get on really well and my Gc call me Grandma and my step Gc call me nanny.

I'm sorry - I should have re-read the OP before posting. There are two children, not just one. These little girls are your daughter's daughters... etc.