Any advice for helping my situation

Tell the young woman firmly that what she has just said is rude and unkind and that she is not to speak to anyone like that in your house.

Make exactly the same remark every time she is rude .

Surely that is how you brought up your own children?

If she persists in being rude, stand her in the corner for ten minutes with her hands behind her back.

I agree Applegran this is rude behaviour plain and simple and at eight years old the child is able to understand this. No need to go all around the houses just present a united front with your husband Granjenny. If she gets upset well so were you, children need boundaries and discipline as well as love.

I'm sorry, I'm with the parents here. Ignore the bad behaviour, praise the good. It is actually more in line with the current thinking about child development. I think it is a good idea if your husband gently uses his influence to ask her why she feels the need to be so rude but without recrimination. Give her the chance to air her feelings in a safe environment and explore how she can respond to your questioning without being rude. She should be able to say, "I'd rather not say if you don't mind," or " I don't really want to talk about that right now," without being reprimanded. We have to teach our children to be able to have a voice in all situations so they can always say "no," if they have to.
I can remember going through a similar phase at Boarding School when I was a bit older and I couldn't explain why. I grew out of it and I try to be considerate of other people's feelings.

I've got a similar situation but with my niece. I too have had the mind your own business remarks plus worse. I have been involved in her life since she was five when the family returned from living overseas. My other two nephews also live overseas so she is the only one I could be Auntie to. I thought it would be nice to try and be a good Auntie and take my niece out and about. I have also been called upon for plenty of babysitting (even overnight) and I've always helped out willingly. However, my niece has always been the rudest child I have ever come across and insincere with it. I've had doors slammed in my face, I've been ignored and also humiliated at one of her birthday parties. Her mother asked me to help with transporting 10 girls to bowling. When I arrived at the house to pick up my quota of girls, my niece turned to me and sneeringly asked what I was doing there. Naturally this was out of earshot of her mother. When I've babysat overnight, I've heard her make sneaky secret phone calls to her mother (my sister in law) telling her how awful I am. I suppose I should have told my brother and his wife what was going on but I didn't particularly want to snitch on her so I decided to ignore her when she was being unpleasant. On one occasion I was supposed to be taking her to a party and her mother asked me to do her hair. When it came to it, she wouldn't let me do her hair so I left her to it. She was being generally awkward. A bit later she came into the room and asked me how she looked (she is terribly vain) and I ignored her, repeatedly. Well, she did not like it one little bit. There have been loads of instances over the years, she is now nearly 16 and obviously my services are no longer required. I feel nothing towards this girl now. I find her unpleasant, disingenuous and sneaky.

I cannot abide bad manners, it’s unacceptable at any age. Your husband should pick her up on it if he’s in earshot. I’d never allow my grandchildren to be rude to me or their grandfather (my husband), our own kids (their parents) wouldn’t allow it either. I have found some people think the hard of hearing are somehow less deserving of respect. If you are deaf you are easy bait for bullies.

I agree with LoLo - don't play psychological games with her, but be straightforward and clear. First talk to your husband so you are both going to follow the same clear approach with her. Tell her that you love her and that you do not like her speaking to you in this way. Ask her to consider your feelings and refrain from hurting you. Ask what does she think about what you've said? Then - you are asking her to change, and you can reasonably ask if there something she would like you to do differently? This is OK so long as it isn't treated as a chance to be rude again - both grandparents would then ask her to refrain from rudeness. But she might say something reasonable which could help - for instance that she'd like to be treated in a less babyish way (this is just an example - I've no idea what is the real situation). When you talk to her in this way and she replies in a real straightforward way, I am guessing you will find the problem goes away. As always, we need to behave in ways we would like others to behave - so be courteous, straightforward, polite and clear and caring. There are no guarantees but I believe this is the most likely way ahead here and you and your husband and most importantly the child, could all feel a lot better. I wish you well.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

one thing you can try ; find out a book or an object that she loves very much (book, doll, etc..), and ask to borrow it for a bit, after a while give it back to her while telling her why you like that particular thing too and that you thank her for letting you read, use, that particular object...she might start to like/love you after that..

an another method ; eat in front of her some VERY nice thing(s) that she adores...let her steam up...then offer to share "it" with her and see what could happen...

Thank you so much Granjenny for putting this post up, My granddaughter is exactly the same. These replies have really helped.

Maybe her parents should ask themselves where she has learned both kinds of behaviour from? Not applying blame - but there has to be an underlying reason.

Grandpa needs to support you 100%. Rude children are tolerated nowadays in ways that were unthinkable when I was young. The fact that her parents think it's OK is off too.

Please be direct, respectful and kind but (after reflecting on whether there is anything you are doing to upset her and trigger the hurtful behaviour, and deciding not) confront your granddaughter.

Daughter is a specialist in behaviour and child management at a big school. I know what she would say. She would say promptly react, say “ouch” gently or “that felt unkind”. Keep a kindly tone but be consistent. Explain that you find her remarks hurtful and impolite, and they make you sad. Children need teaching not game playing or escalation, and rewarding when things go well. I think daughter would say, “I wonder if you would like to say sorry to me?” But leave it if she doesn’t. Praise her if she does. Repeat. And repeat. And see what happens. If grandfather can nicely support (without humiliating her) great, he could say “it makes me sad when you talk roughly and unkindly to grandma) but best as an interpersonal lesson from you.

Without doubt get your husband to have a very strict word with her & tell she will not be able to come to you unless she is polite. And stick to it if she continues. I would not accept that from any of my DGC.

My 8 year old granddaughter has done this on occasion and I just tell her that she is not to talk to me like that , in a very firm voice .
I’ve not had to say it in a very long time .

Can I ask, do you think she’s over heard an adult conversation where these phases have been used. I ask because I had an isolated incident with my 10 year old gd where she made a fairly cutting comment to me and it turned out I was being discussed in my absence and she picked up on it and proceeded to use it against me. Not saying this has happened with you but just thought I’d mention it.

No, this is not on. Rudeness should never be ignored or tolerated. What’s your husband doing about it? If it was me, I’d expect my husband to reel her in, and support me. You’ll end up growing to resent her as she’s only going to get older and worse. You’re worth more than that.

Telling her thst the behaviour upsets you shows her that what she set out to do has worked. Id just go for the "thats very rude" approach from both you and your dh.

It’s a well-known fact that if you allow someone (no matter how old they are) to treat you badly they will. Your husband needs to step up and say something and so do the parents. It’s not nice what she’s doing, it’s upsetting you and for that reason and that reason alone it should be stopped.

I wouldn’t ignore it, you also say her other grandma says don’t be rude, so she’s doing this to her too, I think her parents should be having a word with her, she’s playing people off against each other, and no one is saying anything, that to me is strange! You are all adults and she is the child

Grandad is basking.in her adoration. Tell him to man up and support you - indeed so.

Tanjamaltija - I do disagree. That sort of "withdraweal of love" (looking over her shoulder) tactic is counter-productive. It is also in itself rude; and the aim here is to stop the child being rude!

She needs to know that the OP is a strong calm adult who will give her clarity about good behaviour, not behave rudely herself.

I would definitely pull her up.on it. Just say don't speak to.me like that it's not polite. Then grandad should back you up if she continues. Your house your rules. I can understand how her behaviour must make you.feel. It would upset me too. Grandad is basking.in her adoration. Tell him to man up and support you

I would just tell her that it is not acceptable for her to speak to you like that. If she persists your DH and your DD should back you up. You could try, " I am never rude to you. Why are you so rude to me ?"

Ignore her. She has your number, and you give her power by acknowledging she exists. Just look over her shoulder when you say "You have lemonade on the table" or whatever. When it sinks in that she cannot rile you any more, she'll stop.

H1954 - your OH should definitely not be saying mind your own business to the child!!! - as adults our job is to strive to model good behaviour! - not stooping to a child's level. A child who is behaving badlyt.

And your job OP is to switch off your hurt and not let GD see it. She needs emotion-free clarity about what is and what is not proper behaviour.

And, in an appropriate situation, she needs to know that kindness to others is all that really matters on this world.

I am wondering if you suspect that your OH is enjoying this a bit - he is right to enjoy GD's devotion to him, but not the fact that she is rude to you. If he gets a kick out of that, then I can understand your hurt.