My ex DIL is arranging boyfriends to pick up GC from day care

Again don’t waste money on a solicitor.

www.met.police.uk/rqo/request/ri/request-information/sofd/child-sex-offender-data-sarahs-law/

Here is the link that can assist him on checking anything.
He will not be handed any records as these are confidential.
However he will be informed wether or not he may pose a threat to a child.

I am by far bitter. I am married to the freer of my children and have no previous negative experience.
I am purposely being gay factual. Not emotional. Because that’s what the courts will look at.

He can check. He can use Sarah’s law.
And that’s about it. He can’t not make any demands on his Ex to meet or vet this man. He can not say he isn’t allowed to do XYZ on her time and he can not stop her putting her child in his car.
Because that’s what the Op is about.
He is having his time with his child.
This relationship does not appear to be infringing on his time and as such it’s not very clear one what his actual claim against his Ex is.

I would get your son to ask the solicitor to request a (Disclosure used to be called a CRB ) for the boyfriend. This would say if there was any police charges/concerns re boyfriends background. They are used extensively for working with children, for jobs with vunearable people, foster carers etc.
It costs about £65 and is a perfectly reasonable request from a parent.

This is v bad advice. Please do not try to discuss with the school. You have no legal standing and it is likely to inflame the situation . Leave it to your son to deal with.

meant grandson

If your DIL is a unsuitable parent and your son is at risk.As you mentioned welfare social services have been involved. Your son can apply through the courts for full custody. A friend of mine did this has his ex girlfriend was a druggie and the child was deemed at risk.He is now a happy little boy been brought up by his dad with a lot of help from my friend mom.They make a lovely family

Bibbity, you sound very bitter. And yes, separation when there are children can lead to all sorts of insoluble heart rending problems.
However, to say that a father has no right to question who is looking after his child, and thus the opportunity to check that they are not a threat to the child in any way, is wrong.
Granted that, if there are then no indications of unsuitability, he will have to grit his teeth and bear it. And as some have said, the wiser ( and harder) course is to try very hard to develop a positive relationship with both his ex and her new partner, in the hope that he will be given access readily.

Are these collections happening on her time with the child? If so, unless you have reason to believe he is a danger to the child (criminal record etc) there is nothing your son can do.

Does your son have 50:50 shared care?

yes, you are right, anyone would be a mess having their child taken over by the new man in your sons life, Support your son, ,empathise as best you can and try not to take sides,difficult, but no one knows what goes on inside relationships.
If i was in your sons shoes, my level of anger would be so high
towards his ex and new man, Im sorry that this has happened.

I know as a mother you can have a male checked by the police under Clares law. Can you do that as a father or grandparent??
This may allay some fears??
It sounds like a very difficult situation all round.
Your grandchild deserves not to be caught up in adults at war. I hope they can work this out without affecting the child ?

It's also important that the stepfather builds a positive relationship with the child, if the child is to be happy while in the mother's care. So I'd suggest to that your son tries to convey respect for the stepfather's role and make him feel included as a parent so as to maintain his positive attitude to matters surrounding the child.

There are so many of you to thank - I’m teary reading the kind and so very compassionate words you are writing to me. What fantastic advice from you. I am doing my utmost to support my son, financially too and have paid his lawyer fees. He does not have any issues with his ex having BF; he has well and truly moved on. His only interest is his child who he absolutely adores. He does seem him a couple of times a week. His ex wife is a a truly horrible person, very immature, narcissistic. As a family, we all have grave concerns about our GC welfare, being around this mother without the steadying influence of my son. But I do know I have no say or control. I am just giving all my love to my GS and providing a loving, safe place for him - and be a rock for my son. I haven’t spoken to the DIL at all

My SIL had similar with an ex partner. He needs to try to get mediation between her and himself. My SIL was not successful in getting this process (she refused) so it all went to Court which was extremely distressing for all and was overseen by a very blinkered magistrate

Sorry that you are in this position Annali.

My thoughts are that you can support him just by being there for him to offload any worries he might have. And, if you’re in a position to, to support him financially to see a Solicitor again who specialises in divorce and parental rights. He (and you) need to know exactly where you stand because there’s no point in agonising over things that you absolutely have no control over and simply cannot change. You need to focus your energy on helping your Son to fight his corner on the things that he can change, not on the things he has no say over.

I feel for you and understand your anguish ?

Annali you have my sympathy, it is hard to stand back and watch grown up children struggle with their lives. As others have said I would focus on staying neutral between your son and your grandchild's mother. Do you have a relationship with GC? If so I personally think that is the most constructive thing to spend time on & to develop. Bearing that in mind, maybe try to keep your DIL "on side" so you do not find yourself excluded from the child's life. The child needs your love and constancy - more than the adults I suspect.

Unless there is a valid reason why your son should not have contact with his son ie. violence, then in today's world family judges will always prefer to share custody between parents. Sounds to me like she is either under the new boyfriend's thumb or she and possibly he may want to airbrush your son out of his child's life as much as possible. I am sure your son has his child's best interests at heart too. He must get good legal advice and stand his ground as firmly and calmly as possible. Good luck.

Whst are people talking about, kept his son, they have split up and presumably there are custody arrangements in place. I am afraid she is allowed to enter into a new relationship as hard as that might be to hear.

Naninka the school cannot discuss a child with a Grandparent in a case like this, without permission from both parents.

What do you know about the new partner that makes you think your Gc will be at risk?

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Your son's ex partner isn't right here, if your son usually picks up his son from daycare then he should continue to do this as joint guardianship of the child. The new person in his ex-partners life ,hasn't the right to pick the child up ,and his ex has no right to approve this arrangement without your son's permission. Texting to say otherwise is wrong and selfish behaviour by his ex. Two things he can do , one tell the daycare the child is not to be picked up by anyone other then him or his ex, without his knowledge. He is to get an immediate call if this ever occurs. Second option is to go to court to settle the arrangement ,and until the arrangement is settled he continues to collect child , and ex has to agree to the decision. Good luck . By the way .I don't think you should keep out of it ,you might be helpful in helping his ex , if your calm and talk sensibly to her. Good luck again.

It is difficult.
She has notified your son about this man, and is continuing to keep him informed; as mother she has joint care and control.
Better for him to meet with his estranged wife and discuss things face to face, and possibly meet the new man, rather than involve lawyers.
I doubt he has the authority to forbid this arrangement, unless the man is deemed unsuitable, which will be very difficult to establish.
Keep as neutral as possible; it is the child's welfare which is paramount.

Sorry i have stated daughter when you put GC.

What is the arrangement that your son has in place for time with his dd? Can he increase it and get shared care?
Both parents have rights to equal parental responsibility even if it means leaving work earlier to do school pickups. Its normal for kids now to spend more time with Dad's through the week if they want to.
Yes it can be harder keeping to these arrangements but worth doing if dad isn't happy about who is picking dc up.
The best thing he can do is go for more access and have it set by the court.

Are your son and the GC's mother married?

Unless the interest and welfare of the child is put first, neither parent will be allowed to involve themselves with the child, particularly the child's mother and her present behaviour.
Tread carefully. If it's legal and should there be a court case then it's the judge's decision, nobody else's.

A child is never a bargaining tool !