grandchildren overseas

Yes, at the end of the day children are just people, and as far as I know there is nothing in blood that magically keeps you emotionally closer to relatives. For instance, I was upset when my son first estranged himself from me, but as time's gone by I find I think of him less, and it doesn't stir up any strong feelings when I do. I wish him well but that's all really.

Of course it's normal and probably inevitable to feel closer to someone you see regularly, and share much more of your life with, than to those who live far away. Can't be helped. You are not lacking, it's just how things are.

I suppose I know more about my physically nearest GC’s (Two hours drive away) little habits and likes and dislikes than my other GC but I don’t feel that I’m any more or less close to them otherwise.

None of the further-away GC has any other family living nearby so I guess that makes a difference. If they each had the other granny living next door, it could be a different story.

The GC are still thrilled to see us on FT (Might change when they’re teenagers!) and I hear most days from their parents so I feel as though we’re in the loop with them.

Is there really any need for a pretense about not feeling as close to overseas grandchildren as local ones? As an overseas grandchild, my mother has complained to me (in adulthood) that I and siblings didn't get all the gifts from our grandmother that the local grandchildren got, and that we didn't get anything of her estate when she died and it was all taken by the local grandchildren. Honestly, I don't see the issue. Of course she was always going to be closer to local grandchildren and have more of a relationship with them. I do not feel offended or left out, it makes sense. She saw them all the time. I met her three times in my life.

My MIL is closer to her local grandchildren who she sees far more often. What else would I expect?

I wouldn't say anything to children about not feeling as close to them of course, but no-one needs to feel bad about what is a logical consequence of distance.

I guess it’s natural although I have always felt guilt about it I have 7 grandkids who I love equally but the 2 over the other side of the world who I only see every three of four years dont feature in my thoughts nearly as much as I would want or expect I thought there would be the same feelings about them all but when you think about it it’s the contact and connection that makes the link isn’t it and that’s missing I don’t expect they think of me, they have another Nan and grandad in the next street so I doubt I m very utmost in their thoughts either Its all a bit sad isn’t it? When they were little there was the excitement of choosing and sending toys and clothes, Imagining them opening them in excitement a present from overseas and in turn me getting photos and updates on school, parties, friends etc but since high school its drifted and not happening any more and I really have so little involvement that I don’t really know them I don’t have that ‘they re part of me’ feeling They are late teens and early 20 s now Just putting money in a bank account twice a year doesn’t really do it does it
They all have equal Christmas and birthday presents and I d give a kidney to any of them ❤️

red1, it is very difficult isn't it. I too feel more 'connected' with the children I see most often but do love them all equally. I suppose the best we can do is keep up contact and be interested in what they do. When the time comes to meet again keep on cuddling and laughing until those bonds grow stronger naturally.

I'm in the same boat with 2 of my GC born abroad and I accepted long ago i would never be as close with them as the others. I see them once or twice a year but only once this year luckily just as we were locked down I could go now but I choose not to fly yet. We just have to accept these situations as hard as it is.

I remember being mortified and generally beside myself when D and new husband emigrated in the early 80's. Up until the end of the 90's while still earning I " commuted " to Oz and in those times was lucky to have introduced myself to the 3 children they'd had so that they knew who I was.

Have since had a visit from one GS 2 years ago, then last year D and SiL paid a visit in between their busy schedule of visiting various parts of the country before holidaying in Greece. Good job it wasn't this year !

I'm quite put out with this virus though as D will be 60 in January and it's their 40th Anniversary next July All celebrations on hold ! Even my own and I'm miffed.

Similar situation for me too. I thought it was me.

I assume you mean the two new GC?

Yes, I can quite understand if you don’t feel as close to them. I have 3 GC in Australia, we went out several times when they were small, not so much since school, college, work took over as they got older.

I would never admit to my DD, their mum, that I don’t feel as close to them as my other 2 GC who live a few minutes walk away from us, but that is because I have seen so much more of them as they have grown up, and simply know them better.

I love them all, but accept the situation for what it is.