Christmas money for grown up grandkids

I think my DH's family, he is one of four siblings, had the right idea when they all agreed to stop buying for nieces and nephews when they reached 18. Not a problem on my side as I am an only child so, until I had my children, there was only my mum and her unmarried sister to buy for. DH and I have never bought Presents for each other as we couldn't afford it when we were young and had a family and now we can afford to buy whatever we want (within reason).

By all means scale back on money and gift giving if it is causing financial anxiety due to own reduced income, but don't assume adult grandchildren will all be employed by Christmas. Many are at risk of redundancy. It may also be an opportunity to clarify you do not really want any gifts yourself at the same time and that a card will suffice.
Christmas 2020 is likely to be difficult fo many families, emotionally and financially.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Our family stop at 21 give a bigger present for 21st birthday then stop seems to work ok

I tried the stop buying for neices at reaching age 18, but was then in the uncomfortable position of buying for 1 sister in a family and not the other, so bottled out and have continued for all nephews and neices. I draw the line at their partners, but now in the difficult position that relatives give Christmas gifts to my son's partner so finding it hard to define a reasonable line of exclusion.

Good grief Madmother21, you must be very wealthy to be able to afford to give £2000 away at Christmas. It seems you also buy presents for your grandsons. I like to be generous myself, but I must admit I rather envy what your financial status enables you to do for your family.

Buying gift cards for stores is usually a lovely gift to buy for people you don’t know what to get for or family away but particularly this year it might not be a good idea. A lot of stores, maybe some big ones might go out of business. If they do your money will be lost. Just giving cash will be much better even if it’s by bank transfer.

Hetty not easy when 5 out of 7 live overseas
Same goes for gift cards not easy to find a shop they would shop in that has branches overseas
It’s a minefield

I always ask my Dtr what the Grandchildren would like as I hate wasting money on things they don't want. I used to give her & SIL money but now I buy them something they really want. The only problem is she always likes to buy me things I don't need (I don't want to sound ungrateful but I would sooner she spends it on the children). So some of the presents end up in the wardrobe as I don't like mentioning it to her, I just tell her I don't need anything. She just says you know we will buy you something so I ask for a plant for my garden or a £5 voucher for the garden centre which I would love.

I have 5 grown up
GC who I am in contact with.
They all have offspring ranging from One month to 12 years I now give £25 to ten for Christmas and birthdays with the request that Premium bonds are purchased.They all have an abundance of toys from parents and other relatives. The parents are happy with that.

Thanks Nannan2 - The Crimbo visit has already been knocked on the head this year because DH will still be having his new chemo through to May and in the NE we’ll probably still be in lockdown.
I’ve suggested I send both her ASs and OHs flowers and wine by post and similar for her. I’m not a lover of Christmas ? at the best of times - but as my DH has never done holidays, she and I have been able to go away together every year since her DH died. Of course she also buys our family extravagant gifts! Really we are just exchanging £500 when all’s said and done!

Nannan2, because, in my family, we don't equate material gifts with love - I'm glad to say - we show affection.

I dont mean Cleopanda giving gifts is a link to love, i mean the fact youve bothered to buy THEIR FAVOURITE, no matter how little it cost, shows you know them and care, the fact theyre not left out when little kids are opening up whats under the tree, might make a difference, show theyre still loved& cared about, not feel like theyre not bothered about this year just cause 'theyre older'? Can you imagine how that would feel to you if for example your OH came home with a newer,younger wife and then handed out a big gift for her and said "oh, nothing for you this year love you dont need it now your older& theres a young one here for gift- giving!"! Extreme example i know, but how do we know the 'older ones' of GC etc dont feel left out,like gran&granpa dont care about THEM anymore now younger ones are here? We dont.so a token gift shows you love them ALL just as much.?

Goergesgran- if this is getting out of hand for you, you must tell her so.Just write telling her that due to covid situation this year you cant therefore extend your usual 'invite' to her- as you&your hubby are dining alone this year, and also regretfully, its affected your gift buying/sending too- and cannot therefore include everyone as you did last year! Then send letter with PLENTY of time for her to absorb this information, then closer to xmas send Just Her a small gift/card, (just for herself!) and wish her a happy christmas and New year with her family.Im sure she will get the hint.if she rings up re-iterate how things have changed this year, as they have for everyone, (we CANT mingle with anyone at moment anyway can we???) and that you hope she has a nice christmas,WITH HER FAMILY (if of course we are 'allowed'- though a single person can bubble with one other so she wont probably be alone) I know i said xmas is about giving, but this womans taking advantage, sending lists etc and expecting you to buy for it? Thats NOT in spirit of christmas, thats having a wishlist you want filling! (These are expensive items) not just token gifts!This is only encouraging her to shop/spend money.It has to stop.As i said, blame covid situation if you have to.but kindly decline.

Oh dear. Buying presents/ giving money does not have any link to love.
Rich, poor or in between, Christmas buying seems to be out of control.
People get into debt; gifts end up in the bin or charity shop. Christmas has just become a materialistic spendfest for many.
Christmas shouldn’t be about cost/ quality/ volume of gifts should it?
As for spending money on earning adults!!

The thing is, I really don’t know what my grandchildren would like. They are all teenagers and their tastes keep changing. We don’t see that much of each other, and certainly don’t discuss which toiletries or cosmetics they like. It is getting too hard to find presents when all they want is money. And as for their parents, I tried to stop for adults, but they want to keep giving.

My Dad used to give our boys some money even when they were over 21, as he could afford it and they needed it, money is most appreciated at that age. I think presents for older children are often not right. Their tastes change from one month to the next.

Spot on Spice101.
I have 4 grandchildren and i give them £30 each for Christmas and birthdays.

That's a lovely idea June. All together and making happy memories over the years. Subject this year of course to whatever restrictions apply.

I have always been generous. My point is, I can't take it with me , so I may as well give it to them while I'm alive, and I can see them enjoying it. I have 7 adults and 4 little ones. I also get them a little token gift/toy which they can unwrap.

Mine have a choice. pantomime ticket for us all to go together on Christmas Eve, or a present. Most of them choose the pantomime, which means at least we all enjoy one evening together over the festive period.
This year has been cancelled due to Covid so instead we are going to an outdoor illuminated evening on a big local park

Paddyanne obviously I know it’s about loving them, I don’t need to speak to their parents as the two grandkids in question are 26 and 23 Obviously I would still be giving them a present it’s the money I also give I was asking about.

When I was growing up I had lots of cousins and the agreement with all the parents was every child would receive a christmas present up until they started working and then the presents would stop. This really seems to work out well and everyone expected it.

Is it really necessary Madmother21 to give each £1000? Even if youre rich, i doubt theres many on here give that much? That i feel is going to the other extreme- opposite of grinch, but verging on the ridiculous, and the sort of thing thats making a lot on here whom genuinely 'dont have much' feel like theyre being extra tight- i think its by-passing the whole part of putting some thought into the giving of a gift! As for OP yes just give a small gift to open, for them all, Cut out the money giving, even make a gift if you can, like a knitted scarf or gloves, or nicely wrapped home- made chocs or sweets, maybe presented in a mug?Or something you know they will use, like cinema tickets in an envelope with gift wrapping on. Its putting the time/effort/thought into it that counts.Hands up all of you who've ever been blubbing over a home made card or gift from a child/grandchild? Exactly, well for others its just as much appreciated (mostly) if you put care/thought into gift buying..i once bought one of my (now adult) GC a favourite comic subscription for a year, when he was little, and he said it was the best gift he'd had that year! Its just showing you know them, you love them& you care- that's christmas!

Can I bring up something in a similar vein? I’m an only child and DH has an older sister ‘down country’. We have 2DDs, 2SILs and 1 DGS. She has 2ASs with OHs and 2 DGDs. She was widowed 7 years ago.

Before that, we hardly ever saw her but after her DH died, she started coming 3/4 times a year and every Ch******s! Her own family live in the same town, which always puzzles me why she wants to be with us.

When her DH was alive we did exchange gifts - good ones - expensive perfumes/after shaves etc - much earlier in the year, by arrangement.

However, since her DH died - her present buying has got out of hand! Her hobby is shopping and spending money.
The cost isn’t really a problem for either of us, but we’ve not seen her boys for 4 years since her DGD’s Christening, before that it was at her DH’s funeral and then 9yrs ago at DD2’s wedding.

I’m torn - I always get a list - Jo Malone, Hugo Boss, CCAntaeus, etc so all easily bought but as they’re approaching 50 - is it all necessary? I know I’ll probably continue for ever, but just wanted to get it off my chest.