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Grandparenting

Christmas money for grown up grandkids

(73 Posts)
Lesley60 Sun 04-Oct-20 03:01:27

I don’t want to sound mean, but both my husband and I have recently retired, we only have our occupational pensions as we are not yet of age to receive state pension.
I have seven grandchildren and always give them all money for birthday and Christmas along with a pressy under the tree.
Two of the older grandkids are now in their twenties and I’m wondering if I would be mean if I just gave them a gift without giving them money as they earn good money themselves.

Spice101 Sun 04-Oct-20 03:23:12

You have to cut your costs according to your means. Your needs have changes and you now have a finite amount to spend. I think that older grandchildren are probably in a better financial position than you may be at this time so no it's not mean to cut out or reduce a cash gift to be within your means.
As an aside, do these adult grandchildren give you presents?

Willow500 Sun 04-Oct-20 06:27:43

I think if you have a word with them early and explain that your income has now reduced as you've retired they're adults and will understand especially if they're earning themselves. Speak to the parents of the younger ones and tell them the same - the children will probably be happier with a little gift to open anyway

I gave everyone money last year - apart from our two youngest grandsons who live in NZ but were here for Christmas. Our other GC are adults and their family live 2 hours away. This year we will be even further away as we're moving and with Covid it's doubtful we'll see any of them at all - we haven't seen them since last Christmas sad.

Calendargirl Sun 04-Oct-20 07:34:00

Just wonder what type of ‘pressy under the tree’ you give. We all feel a present to open is nice, but I honestly think that unless you know it’s something they really want, just stick to a bit of money.
My dear old mum kept giving the GC things to open, often useful presents such as socks or underpants, until my DS had to mention that he needed a larger size than she kept buying him.
Toiletries and suchlike often end up in charity shops if they don’t suit, and chocolates likewise.

tanith Sun 04-Oct-20 07:36:38

I have 9 GC, 6 of whom are grown ups now, I stop giving them birthday money at 18. They were perfectly understanding about it. So there are 3 that still either buy presents or give money but I now have 5 GrtGC as well so I’m back in the same dilemma 😂.
As others have said have a chat with them I’m sure they’ll understand.

janeainsworth Sun 04-Oct-20 07:56:43

Just because the GC are earning ‘good money’ themselves, it doesn’t mean that they won’t appreciate money from you as well.
You don’t know how much disposable income they have anyway - they might be paying high rent and trying to save money for a house deposit at the same time, for instance.
And what if they lost their job? Would you then start giving them money again?

I agree with Calendargirl that unless you know what they really like, you risk giving something that is just an embarrassment.

My DMiL always gave us each some money & I enjoyed spending it on something for myself that I wouldn’t have otherwise bought.

sodapop Sun 04-Oct-20 09:17:30

I agree with tanith explain to your adult grandchildren that your circumstances are different now and you will just be giving token gifts from now on. I think the fact that they are earning is not really relevant, its your situation that has changed.

BlueBelle Sun 04-Oct-20 09:31:24

I find it incredible hard I want to cut the ‘workers’ down 3 earn far more than I ever have but it feels so wrong to have a two tired system Just because they are working it doesn’t make them not my grandkids but 5 out of 7 don’t send me anything not even a card 😂
I find it a terrible dilemma

PammyHoops Sun 04-Oct-20 09:34:13

Lesley60 rather than giving money would sending a pretty Christmas Card With a small demonisation gift card for a shop they might like be less costly?

Girls could treat themselves to a nice lippy or nail varnish and the boys can use it towards their chosen skin care or bits and bobs.

Boots, M&S, TK Max, Amazon, just to name a few. Such fun designs. I try to pop one in my shopping when I can through the year (minding expiry dates) you can choose how much.

Esspee Sun 04-Oct-20 09:54:19

I stopped giving to my children once they were earning and living abroad. My grandchildren are spoiled rotten.

MrsRochester Sun 04-Oct-20 09:59:38

“Boots, M&S, TK Max, Amazon, just to name a few. Such fun designs. I try to pop one in my shopping when I can through the year (minding expiry dates) you can choose how much.”

Would just be a little wary of long-buying retail gift cards in the current environment. Most of the companies you mention are probably sound, but I’ve made the mistake in the past, bought one weeks in advance for a retailer that subsequently went bust and the card was worthless 😕

Toadinthehole Sun 04-Oct-20 10:15:30

My mum always stopped everything at age 21. We only give to grandchildren, no adults, but ours are still small. I’m sure we’ll be stopping once they’ve grown up. We always try to help our kids if they need it, and probably will our grandchildren, but not in the guise of ‘ presents’. Not necessary we feel.

kazzerb Sun 04-Oct-20 10:22:25

I have messaged my Brother to say I am only buying for younger Children this year. I usually buy for him, SIL and both Nieces but it becomes just too expensive. I shall be asking DH to do the same with his side of the Family too. I will be giving a reduced amount of cash to both my older Children and spending on the 3 Grandchildren aged 17 (at College) 12 and 3.

Hetty58 Sun 04-Oct-20 10:29:25

Lesley60, Crikey - my grandchildren only get money or presents at Christmas when they are still children. That's up to age seventeen - then full stop.

I've always given more for birthdays as they get a lot at Christmas, and there are a lot of them too!

Adults in my family don't expect any gifts, just a text or card is enough.

midgey Sun 04-Oct-20 10:35:33

Seems to me that it makes much more sense either to have a family budget or secret Santa. If there is a budget it makes you really think and if a secret Santa within a budget it is even more personal. Not everyone can afford to give money, and to be honest £10 to me is quite a lot of money but to earning offspring it’s...’only a tenner’!

harrigran Sun 04-Oct-20 10:38:15

I stopped giving gifts to adults years ago.
I buy for the GC but only under strict guidance from parents.
I would not be giving money to wage earners if you are on a limited pension.

TerryM Sun 04-Oct-20 10:45:59

We have one son , one Dil and one toddler grandson to buy presents for
That is all
So son and Dil get cash (same amount each ) and if we find some gifts they would like they get those as well
Grandchild gets little things so to speak. He just likes to unwrap .

Naninka Sun 04-Oct-20 10:46:01

We have the same dilemma with our children (who are now all in their thirties). Three out of the four of them are better off than us (in terms of disposable income). Last year, we did a secret Santa so that everyone bought one present for one person. That worked quite well because we all got together. This year, it looks as though we may not be all together because of Covid and In-Law turns! So now I'm not quite sure what to do. I'd love to make them all something but, as a secondary school teacher, have very little time to do this.

redsue Sun 04-Oct-20 11:00:18

I have also been thinking about what to do about my children and grandchildren this Christmas. My grandchildren are 25 yrs 21yrs and 7yrs old a great grandchild of 3yrs and another grandchild due next week. For years i gave the mothers £100 each as a family gift to do what they thought best so long as the kids had a gift to open from me but that was when they were very young with 1 child each. Since then families are growing and i said i would just buy a small gift each but i ended up spending loads because i see something else they might like as well. This year i have to be very strict with myself especially as not all of them actually appreciate anything whether its cash or a gift.

Alioop Sun 04-Oct-20 11:02:32

When we got to 16yrs old all the gifts stopped. Only got from our parents & siblings. I know it's different now, but when do you stop. I have my friends daughters who are 16& 21yrs old and they( their mum) buy me a gift now between them so I'm still having to look for something for both of them. One paid £35 for a lipstick, I was so shocked at that, so probably what I get them they probably don't like anyway. I have hinted about stopping, but they say about me on my own & need a present to open on Christmas morning. I know it's the thought that counts, but in these times its also your bank account. My goodness I sound like The Grinch!!

Phoebes Sun 04-Oct-20 11:04:07

PammyHoops:
‘Demonisation’??? It’s that predictive text creeping in again, I suppose!

Peace67 Sun 04-Oct-20 11:18:35

It is tricky isnt it.
I am 53 and have 5 grandchildren, the ages are 11 and under. I spend more on them than their parents.
So i had a change of income due to breast cancer so i explained Nannys wages are less. All grandchikdren will hace x amount so if you send ne the link of what the children will like at that cost ill order it. I think get sweets and socks etc on top x
Hope it helps

crazygranny Sun 04-Oct-20 11:19:05

Absolutely right to cut out the money. Explain to them the reasoning. Giving a gift is quite enough. They have years of comfortable earning ahead of them.

LauraNorder Sun 04-Oct-20 11:22:05

Phoebes perhaps Pammyhoops was feeling devilish this morning.

Madmother21 Sun 04-Oct-20 11:23:06

I have a son, a daughter and their spouses. I give each couple £1000 at Christmas, I have two small grandsons and I rely on the parents to tell me what they would like. It’s ever expensive, just lots of bits and pieces. They love ripping things open!