Christmas money for grown up grandkids

I used to give very nice presents to my (grand) DN, I had no grandchildren then, and their parents were not well off as their DM was studying. Spent ages thinking what they'd really like, and spent a lot of money. I did get a thankyou letter from the little girl, but not from the boys. I stopped when their DM finished Uni. I would have like some acknowledgement fort all the thought and effort.

Phoebes

PammyHoops:
‘Demonisation’??? It’s that predictive text creeping in again, I suppose!

Oh, I don’t know, Phoebes, sometimes I think some people have had ‘ demonisation’ gifts already!

buying gifts surely isn't about how much money they have ,or will earn.I buy for people because I love them .They'll be my children and grandchildren whatever age they are or how much money they earn.If you feel you need to cut back then explain that to their mothers/fathers or just buy a family gift that they can all enjoy.

I always give a gift of some kind to include everyone at christmas, but to do so i collect things all year, and in sales, or '3 for 2's' etc.its the thought that counts i feel.But i know my lot well, so i know even if i only give a make up or toiletry gift set ( for older ones) that its something that WONT end up in a charity shop- their favourite shower gel/deodorant spray set, or even favourite chocolate, come on you all must know your own kids,grandkids, & in-laws well enough by now?? And nicely wrapped (but im hopeless at wrapping) it helps them all feel 'not left out'-like someone cares and for younger ones i spend about only £20 on each at most but try to get something i know they currently like/need.Looking at this lot on here MOST of you sound like the grinch! Though i do realise some of you havent got much, but as i say, theres bargain shops/sales etc, and 365 days to save gifts up. Or maybe gift for younger ones and i.o.u's for others to gift them your time & teach them a skill, or do something with them like cinema or tea out together (all when we can safely do so of course, covid permitting!) A gifts about loving& giving.

That’s meant to read..never expensive.

It's the thought that counts, yes just give them a pressie, I'm sure they will undrstand.

I have a son, a daughter and their spouses. I give each couple £1000 at Christmas, I have two small grandsons and I rely on the parents to tell me what they would like. It’s ever expensive, just lots of bits and pieces. They love ripping things open!

Phoebes perhaps Pammyhoops was feeling devilish this morning.

Absolutely right to cut out the money. Explain to them the reasoning. Giving a gift is quite enough. They have years of comfortable earning ahead of them.

It is tricky isnt it.
I am 53 and have 5 grandchildren, the ages are 11 and under. I spend more on them than their parents.
So i had a change of income due to breast cancer so i explained Nannys wages are less. All grandchikdren will hace x amount so if you send ne the link of what the children will like at that cost ill order it. I think get sweets and socks etc on top x
Hope it helps

PammyHoops:
‘Demonisation’??? It’s that predictive text creeping in again, I suppose!

When we got to 16yrs old all the gifts stopped. Only got from our parents & siblings. I know it's different now, but when do you stop. I have my friends daughters who are 16& 21yrs old and they( their mum) buy me a gift now between them so I'm still having to look for something for both of them. One paid £35 for a lipstick, I was so shocked at that, so probably what I get them they probably don't like anyway. I have hinted about stopping, but they say about me on my own & need a present to open on Christmas morning. I know it's the thought that counts, but in these times its also your bank account. My goodness I sound like The Grinch!!

I have also been thinking about what to do about my children and grandchildren this Christmas. My grandchildren are 25 yrs 21yrs and 7yrs old a great grandchild of 3yrs and another grandchild due next week. For years i gave the mothers £100 each as a family gift to do what they thought best so long as the kids had a gift to open from me but that was when they were very young with 1 child each. Since then families are growing and i said i would just buy a small gift each but i ended up spending loads because i see something else they might like as well. This year i have to be very strict with myself especially as not all of them actually appreciate anything whether its cash or a gift.

We have the same dilemma with our children (who are now all in their thirties). Three out of the four of them are better off than us (in terms of disposable income). Last year, we did a secret Santa so that everyone bought one present for one person. That worked quite well because we all got together. This year, it looks as though we may not be all together because of Covid and In-Law turns! So now I'm not quite sure what to do. I'd love to make them all something but, as a secondary school teacher, have very little time to do this.

We have one son , one Dil and one toddler grandson to buy presents for
That is all
So son and Dil get cash (same amount each ) and if we find some gifts they would like they get those as well
Grandchild gets little things so to speak. He just likes to unwrap .

I stopped giving gifts to adults years ago.
I buy for the GC but only under strict guidance from parents.
I would not be giving money to wage earners if you are on a limited pension.

Seems to me that it makes much more sense either to have a family budget or secret Santa. If there is a budget it makes you really think and if a secret Santa within a budget it is even more personal. Not everyone can afford to give money, and to be honest £10 to me is quite a lot of money but to earning offspring it’s...’only a tenner’!

Lesley60, Crikey - my grandchildren only get money or presents at Christmas when they are still children. That's up to age seventeen - then full stop.

I've always given more for birthdays as they get a lot at Christmas, and there are a lot of them too!

Adults in my family don't expect any gifts, just a text or card is enough.

I have messaged my Brother to say I am only buying for younger Children this year. I usually buy for him, SIL and both Nieces but it becomes just too expensive. I shall be asking DH to do the same with his side of the Family too. I will be giving a reduced amount of cash to both my older Children and spending on the 3 Grandchildren aged 17 (at College) 12 and 3.

My mum always stopped everything at age 21. We only give to grandchildren, no adults, but ours are still small. I’m sure we’ll be stopping once they’ve grown up. We always try to help our kids if they need it, and probably will our grandchildren, but not in the guise of ‘ presents’. Not necessary we feel.

“Boots, M&S, TK Max, Amazon, just to name a few. Such fun designs. I try to pop one in my shopping when I can through the year (minding expiry dates) you can choose how much.”

Would just be a little wary of long-buying retail gift cards in the current environment. Most of the companies you mention are probably sound, but I’ve made the mistake in the past, bought one weeks in advance for a retailer that subsequently went bust and the card was worthless ?

I stopped giving to my children once they were earning and living abroad. My grandchildren are spoiled rotten.

Lesley60 rather than giving money would sending a pretty Christmas Card With a small demonisation gift card for a shop they might like be less costly?

Girls could treat themselves to a nice lippy or nail varnish and the boys can use it towards their chosen skin care or bits and bobs.

Boots, M&S, TK Max, Amazon, just to name a few. Such fun designs. I try to pop one in my shopping when I can through the year (minding expiry dates) you can choose how much.

I find it incredible hard I want to cut the ‘workers’ down 3 earn far more than I ever have but it feels so wrong to have a two tired system Just because they are working it doesn’t make them not my grandkids but 5 out of 7 don’t send me anything not even a card ?
I find it a terrible dilemma

I agree with tanith explain to your adult grandchildren that your circumstances are different now and you will just be giving token gifts from now on. I think the fact that they are earning is not really relevant, its your situation that has changed.