Husband problem with grandchild

I’d be sending grandad in another room, not you and grandson. Think you need to stand your ground with this, he sounds grumpy and set in his ways with no compromising. It’s your home to, tell him the day before what activities your planning and tell him you’d appreciate him staying out the way in another room if he doesn’t like it. Be assertive with him. Good luck.

Have you space in the house to turn a room into a playroom for the little one?

At our time of life, our homes are just not suitable for a one year old, there is far too much they mustn't toúch etc.

Then your husband wouldn't have to have the child near him, which I would think would benifit you all.

I think a lot of grandfathers feel that they just do not want to go back to looking after toddlers. Probably, your husband will be fine with his grandchild in a year or so.

What was grandad like as a father? Was he equally as detached and disinterested?

Tell him to grow up and stop sulking because your grandson is getting some of your attention. He is an adult after all. I'm sure he can forget about his own misery for a while,it might help him too if you think he is depressed.

First of all do try to involve him by putting out things he could do with the little child., read him a story (just while I make you a nice cup of coffee, dear etc etc) If that fails to engage him then leave him in peace with the newspaper- he's just being a selfish old man who wants your undivided attention !! It's not at all positive to tell him that though so leave him be ... he's the one missing the fun of a small child's development ! Men are babies after all so he probably does resent your giving attention to the little one. Too bad.
You could try mentioning to him (not arguing) that Mrs X is having a terrible time with Mr X who seems to resent her having care of their little grandson and leave it at that - The X story doesn't have to be true by the way, just make it up to suit your ends. It might a) give him pause for thought as to how he doesn't want to be like that now does he and b) that he hates to think that women talk about him in a less than wonderful light ! Good luck. Stay cheerful and don't bother your DD with all this.

I have a similar problem! Very upsetting for my daughter who is pregnant and just needs the break one day a week. As I have always worked in Early Years my husband knew I would love grandchildren, but now makes very little effort to build a relationship with his grandson. Very like his mother with our children which really upset him at the time. I am ignoring it and getting on enjoying the precious time myself - his loss in the end!

I think as your grandson gets older your husband will show interest in him. Sounds like your husband is set in his ways and used to his own routine and peace and quiet. My husband loves our grandchildren, although they are not biologically his. However he's never had his own children and is not used to babies and toddlers. My sons were grown up when we met. I have 6 grandchildren. He found it difficult to cope with them when they were babies, but is marvellous with the older ones (5+).
If this is the only problem you have with your husband it seems a shame to risk losing the marriage. I too looked after all the grandchildren one day a week, but not all at the same time! The eldest is 18, the youngest 1, I used to take them out as much as possible, to toddler clubs, helping me on my allotment, when the weather was bad we stayed in doing cooking, painting.crafts. My husband used to retreat to his office in the attic. I never pressured him into being grandad, but he used to sometimes spontaneously play with them. They would seek him out in his attic and chat to him. The relationship developed naturally. Perhaps it might help not to expect him to be involved, don't blame him, don't make it a source of stress. I bet he'll come round and become warmer towards them. My grandchildren love my husband now and know he's not their real grandad, but accept him as an extra one and he's very fond of them.

My husband very rarely wants to have the grandchildren here, and if we go to them he wants to leave after an hour at most. Yet when he sees them he’s a great actor and they think he’s wonderful. My daughters and I know exactly what he’s like and we hate it, nag him, but put up with it. He can be a miserable old devil.

Some so called adults are really very spoilt children who don't tolerate competition. Is this whats going on here? Or is his behaviour completely out of character for him? If so something else is going on. Either way its a very difficult situation you and your grandchild are in if you cannot be in your own home and free to express yourselves. Something does need to change or your grandchild will grow up feeling unloved by older men. That should not happen.

My husband loves our 4 year old granddaughter to bits and she is besotted with him but he still moans when we have her to stay or if she is naughty while she is with us. Makes it just that little bit harder for me to enjoy our time together. I usually spend a lot of one to one time with her to keep her amused

You’re just going to have to ignore him I’m afraid... by walking on eggshells when your grandson is there you’re pandering to your husbands intolerance and I believe childish petulance... Don’t !! You’ve got every right to have your GS with you so be strong and have fun.... I’m quite sure that when he sees that his “tantrums” aren’t affecting you anymore he’ll change tack ... I think he needs treating like a child more than your GS !!

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Is there something your husband likes to do that he could do with his GA? A bit of gardening, washing the car, cleaning shoes, jigsaws? My husband has even been known to bake a cake mix with the GC.

Similar here although grandchildren are older. Our oldest grandson has just turned 16 and has always lived with me (partner, who is his biological grandad, worked away) and he and his grandad hate each other, poor boy can't do anything right as far as his grandad is concerned. Younger 2 grandchildren, 6 & 4 aren't resented so much but he moans they turn the house upside down and they say the worst thing about Nanna's is grandad ?
I can't really offer any advice just sympathy

My Dh is exactly the same. He normally goes out though. If he’s in and in a grumpy mood I may go to their house to care for gd. I find it extremely hurtful too. His excuse is that parents shouldn’t have had children if they can’t look after them. He came from a family of 11 children and I suspect this is relevant. Mother stayed at home worn out, Father called at pub on way from work on payday....

Send your husband out for the day!

Your DD has just had a baby, doesn’t your DH respond to this as a valid need to help on your part?

Can’t DH go out and do something he likes for part of the time your DGS is with you, to take his mind off the visit?

Is perhaps DH jealous of your time with the DGS? If so, it might only get worse if you give in to it.

Good luck Notjustaprettyface.

Did your daughter ask YOU to look after your grandson or both of you? If just you, it could be that your husband could feels pushed out? Do you include him in your activities with your grandson, or suggest he takes the lead on some of it? He might just be nervous about how to handle a small child again, after such a long time, or he may feels that he has had your sole involvement now your kids are grown up and resents it a little (which is understandable to a degree). Can you have a very casual conversation, to try and get his view on this arrangement and how he feels it affects him? Men are very different than women (as we know), and just an understanding of his feelings/thoughts may make it easier for you all. Best of luck!

Not everyone likes small children and you have to accept that your selfish husband is one of those and you cannot change that. However, he also has to accept that you love them and you are not going to stop looking after the child just to keep him happy. How disgusting that he is shouting at you in front of the child who will very soon pick up on this hostility. If he cannot take himself out, pick a room each and tell him to stay well out of your way. His behaviour is clearly displaying that he has no concern for your feelings whatsoever, it’s all about him and he is ruining your precious time with that small child. Personally that is something I would not tolerate.

One day a week is not much. We have DGS1 and DGD sometimes twice a week and now for sleepovers once a month. We also have DGS2 twice a week and 4 times a week if childminder is on holiday. It is tiring and though I am 64 I find it physically exhausting. Also my DM is 85 and increasingly needing help as has advanced macular degeneration. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed and just tired as I am up early when doing childcare - 5.45 for DD1 and 6.45 for DD2. I need paracetamol to start the day as my limbs are so sore. My DH has a brilliant relationship with all DGC but he does the fun things and it is me who does nappies, toilet training, shopping, looking after if ill or hurt themselves, arrange (pre-Covid) things to do - soft play, baby groups etc, arrange (post-Covid) woods, nature trails etc. I could not leave DGS2 who is 2 ½ with him as his expectations of that age are dangerous i.e. he randomly remembers he must go to the garage/upstairs to the computer/upstairs to the loo whilst he is with the DGC and just does it leaving back door open, gate open, toddler at foot of stairs etc. What I am trying to say is I think men are not in tune to the risks of looking after small children and not intuitive to their needs and it is not till they begin to respond that the relationship of grandfather builds. I, DD1 and DD2 also find that DH winds children up at mealtimes and before bed which is difficult to deal with. Sometimes I get on better if he is not there which is a sad thing to say but when our own children were small he was at work and I was at home so maybe understandable. All DGC love their Papa dearly and also the fun they have with him. He did take turns when they were tiny babies with colic but it was me who did the pacing round the garden, singing, rocking for hours on end.
I have age appropriate toys in a box and move anything breakable, damageable as much as possible because it is easier. All the children have responded well to what can/cannot be touched and by 3 are usually reliable to not touch other things although even at 6 can easily get carried away. Personally if I was you I would remove anything breakable or not touchable before the baby came and go out as much as possible. Small children can spend hours digging in mud, throwing stones in ponds and running through grass in woodlands. Get your DD to bring a bag with wellies, puddle suit and all in one. We spend a good ½ hour jumping in puddles, throwing stones, squelching mud - you can't get that time back. My DH I think might have mild ASD maybe why he can't enjoy these things but please don't let it interfere with your enjoyment and relationship with your DGS.

Sounds very like my DH. He really didn't do small children at all and wasn't that great with older ones. And yes he was exactly the same with our own, although he quite liked being the father of someone as clever as DD. Oddly enough all three grandsons were at our house the day before DH went into hospital for the last time and he made a real effort to enjoy having them round although we had no idea it would be the last time he saw them. They all miss him and seem to have nice memories so his anti children thing must have been more obvious to me than it was to them.

Not as bad as with our own children which means that he was iffy about them as well. Did your children notice this or ever comment?

He was not and is not a children’s person which hurts me because I am So he has always been like this. Well, we cannot expect people to change just because something about them annoys us. If he has always been like this, all you can do is accept it and stop feeling hurt over something that was always going to be and is unchangeable

Just concentrate on getting all the enjoyment you do from the opportunity to look after your precious gradchild and leave your DH to continue to respond to children the way he always has.

I can take my grandson out and play with him in another room but isn’t that sad ?

I think you need to :

* talk to your husband about what annoys him and why
* ask him if there are things he would like to do with grandson
*agree together the arrangements for baby sitting day

Your comment above suggests that part of your worry is that you just want him/situation to be different. If that is the case I think you need to accept that it is as it is!

Have that conversation , acknowledge it is his home AND your home, and agree the arrangements for babysitting day (because the babysitting is going to happen and he has to accept that)
Going to another room might be the best solution if he really wants no involvement

I can remember my Dad being extremely bad tempered with our three children when we visited, and I can remember bursting into tears and asking Mum why Dad didn't like my children. Very upsetting.
I wouldn't advise saying anything to your daughter if she has a new-born.

If you can keep your grandson and your husband apart for now I think that's your best option.
You can have a lovely day getting to know your grandson in peace and maybe in time your husband will start to take an interest in him.
I agree with you it is sad though ?