Husband problem with grandchild

Thanks to everybody for your thoughts , advice etc...
I am sorry I can’t reply individually to each of you as there are so many comments
I will take these as words of wisdom though and keep acting accordingly
Thanks again

Oops! Sounds like he regards anything to do with children as "womens work!", ie: beneath his superiority.

You have my genuine and sincere sympathies.

Grandads can have great influence on their grandchildren, and making the effort brings huge rewards as the children grow. We had our two grandsons from 1 year old to school time, for 3 days a week while Mum worked. They were such a joy. Lots of reading, lots of games and learning through play. Now 13 and 16 they have been fluent readers for years, and are well brought up young men.

Of course, much of this is down to parents, but they are turning out to be nice people, and we have played our part in that.

They are pleased to see us when we visit (not lately though), and very spontaneous with the hugs. Yes, even the 16 year old!

Perhaps tell your husband he could be a role model, and help bring your grandchild on, be a positive influence in his life?

And if he can't, you can, and you will reap the later rewards.

Good luck. Lots of positive stuff in other posts.

Enjoy your grandson. Playing in a different room is just sensible. No toys to fall over and no noise and distraction. Your husband can get on and do his thing - read the news paper, watch TV etc. his generation did not expect to help care for babies and were on the whole only ready as others have said, to take part when the child is able to talk and respond socially. In our household the ability to hold and hammer and bang in a nail was the start of a good father son relationship.

NotSpaghetti

Hello,
Was the child minding discussed properly with your husband before it happened?

If so, did you say "don't worry, I'll look after him" or similar?

Still think this is a relevant question, Notjustaprettyface. Sometimes we want to believe things can be worked out or we can change people - when in our hearts we know we can’t.

I guess when you're children were your grandsons age he was at work most of the time so wasn't just sitting around doing nothing, men are selfish and usually want to do as little as possible and have you mothering him not another child, that's just the way they are, have you tried getting all of you doing something, finger painting or going to the park, get grumpy gramp to push him on the swings or something, do whatever to try and get them to bond.

It sounds like he is running true to form. He is impatient with little ones, especially with his hip trying to recover. I would just accept that he is like that and get on with absorbing the joy of that little one each week. Go into a different room away from him. Or somewhere else that you can think of away from him. Enjoy the precious time you have with him, he will grow up soon enough. Blow your husband. No use explaining anything to him, just enjoy yourself.

Excuse the many typos sorry

In a world where your both happy, what does he need to do and be? And for him to feel the Danes, what do you need to be. No one has to be unhappy, but try and see if you can find it together. Honesty is the best policy, be true to yourself. If it works for you both, perfect, if that only works for you. Then do be it.
Once you’re clear in your own head what you need, then you can. If you can’t talk to him openly and truthfully where does that leave you really

Notjustaprettyface, it really sounds like your husband is jealous (how pathetic).

Has he been spoilt and become accustomed to having his own way?

I'd insist that he behaves - and/or makes himself scarce on the day your grandson is with you. He could go out, do the garden - or occupy the garage or shed.

Put your foot down firmly asap!

Your husband likely was very much ignored as a child and simply does not know what to do with or around kids. My husband loves his grandkids, but also can be easily irritated with them when they cross his path. He stays out of sight mostly though, so I can enjoy the kids that way without worrying about my husband's attitude. He did not have the best childhood; it is more common than you think that kids are neglected by parents and so they have no good example of being good parents or grand-parents themselves.
Enjoy your grandson as much as you can. They grow up so fast! Your husband is missing out on a lot, but....he is who he is. just ignore him and his attitude and steer clear of him when the grandchild is around.

Jealousy is a damaging trait and is spoiling your nice times with your GC. Do you own your home jointly? Would you dare to ask him to go out when you've got your GC? The thing is, the baby will pick up on the tension, at least tell him this if you can't do anything else.

Was your husband consulted and listened to when you chose to take this on?

There are so many negative thoughts about your husband on this thread, and I’m wondering if some of them aren’t unfair.

It’s not a crime (nor selfish) to not want have a small child at your house weekly! Small children are exhausting!

I'd tell him to get stuffed, grow up and stop being jealous.

It sounds as though your home isn't child proof so perhaps that's something that you and/or your OH could see to, especially as there's another on the way.

Some people find small children very stressful.
It is allowed.
I suppose there are myriad of other factors, too.

Sounds like he wants you all to himself and doesn`t want to share you. That is so sad and maybe it is him who should go out, go into another room, find a hobby, volunteer that day somewhere etc. Don`t be bullied into upsetting your daughter or yourself just tell him this is your home too. I do feel for you though as you must feel that he is spoiling your closeness to your grandchild.

Applegran
The only one to say SORRY is the grandfather of this small child.Sorry that he is acting like a child himself by what appears is a needy person who cannot bear to see his wife giving his grandchild what he himself feels should be his.

Do your (grand-)maternal instincts trump his right to a peaceful life in an un-damaged home? Yes, OK, they probably do! There's no arguing with (grand-)maternal instincts.

But don't expect enthusiasm or participation. Keep the child contained. It's his life too.

So sad for you in your situation,best bet is to teach him to say ‘Grandpa” or the nearest he can get—-but some people just don’t like babies——-you just try to ignore the situation and have fun it is one of the most precious times in your life,you are building a relationship with a tiny person which will grow and enrich your life forever,I think that is the truest love there is in life enjoy ever second it only gets better.Make sure your husband has tea/coffee,newspaper or book and then ignore him,it’s his problem not yours,good luck.

Sounds like your husband is the jealous type and resents the attention you give your grandson. If it’s uncomfortable looking after your grandchild in your house, would your daughter let you spend the day in her house instead? That might be the better solution then grumpy granddad can’t ruin the fun you have with your grandkid.

Start by listening to your husband - just say something like that you are sorry having the child in the house is not working well for him and you'd like to understand what its feeling like for him. Resist arguing, or criticising or judging, and really listen to understand. Feedback e.g. 'I just want to check I've understood .....I think the key things I'm hearing are XYZ. Have I got that right?" Then, when you really do understand what is going on for him, and making it clear you still want and intend to go on doing this childcare, you could ask what he would like to happen to make it work better for him. This is about being clear about what matters to you, being strong and calm enough to listen, and then looking for a way ahead which works well enough all round. Its just possible that your husband is jealous, and listening like this may help alleviate that. Courage! I wish you well.

What a selfish man, and what a lot he is missing. He must have quite a cold heart. I just feel sad, reading how he is behaving. I hope you can get around this somehow, and employ some of the good advice on this thread. I hope too that you can enjoy your lovely grandchild in spite of Mr. Grumpy!

Talk to each other, and if no joy, just wait for him to grow up a bit. You can decide which one I mean!?. In the meantime, keep up the good work, and do whatever you have to , to enjoy it.

I too have a similar situation, although OH loves to see DGC he has no idea how to relate to young children and soon becomes impatient, due to how his own parents were I think. So before it all gets too much I take them away for a bit, and then to them Grandad is still the bees knees. What he does do though is help with housework while I'm looking after little ones, tidying up when they've gone home etc. I guess your OH is in pain from his op at the moment but will he do that to help out? If so, I'd accept that he is what he is, but do be firm with him that the GC are going to visit - it's your home too - and that it is unacceptable to ever shout at you or them while they are there (well, any time really). Enjoy your DGC.