daughter and granddaughter living with me. Daughter is hard to get along with

Good point FarNorth. Would be very helpful.

A side issue - if the OP's posts were all highlighted, as on mumsnet, it would at least be easy to see everything they had said.

Madgran77 thank you.

It's not always possible to read the whole thread. I still think it's worth commenting.
For the record, I love my gc, I don't expect them to behave perfectly all the time, and I love spoiling them when they visit.
However if they were living with me I think it might be different. I know its not the issue but I have to say, I feel eating a whole cucumber (unwashed) is too much for a small child.

Well, I did refer to Mumsnet when in exasperation I said I was about to go all Mumsnet and suggest people RTFT. I supposed it can be read any way, read the full thread or read the f*g thread.
In this case, which ever interpretation I do believe its helpful to have read the full thread before commenting. It's about much more than a chunk of cucumber and expectations of three year old children.

I continue to feel despair at the cold, critical, judgemental comments by some. We had our grandchildren round today, socially distanced, patio doors, all windows wide open because of the covid thing. We haven't seen them but its mr i's big birthday so they came but not all at once, staggered in groups of 2 parents, 2 small children aged 18months 2,4 and 5. Brief excited visits. Did they behave perfectly -No. Thank goodness for that, they are totally at ease at grannie and grandad's house still, despite the fact that since March visits have been rare, and brief. I simply can't imagine being cross if one of them took an apple/orange/piece of cucumber or as today - too many biscuits out of the tin.

I agree.

well, i always thought it meant, read the full thread.
why is it necessary to put or to impute another insulting cast on to it.
i prefer GN to MN for a more considered considerate approach to discussions.
let's keep it that way.

^RTFT

read the f**king thread^

Just checked on mumsnet. Copied and pasted the above from their list of acronyms..

I see Summerlove. In that case I must apologise to Iam64. I misinterpreted the acronym. I am relieved.

Nadateturbe

^I'm about to go all mums net and suggest people RTFT^

I'm pretty sure I know what this means and it's not nice. I left GN a while ago and decided to give it another try. Posts like the above and Teetime's thread remind me very quickly why I left.
I don't think any of you would ever speak to someone like that in real life.

RTFT simply means to read the full thread? I’m missing something that makes that not nice?

Nadateturbe I agree about unnecessary ways of "speaking" to others on line that would probably not be used face to face. However, I will not be driven away by it. There are lots of threads where it doesnt happen. [ flowers]

I'm about to go all mums net and suggest people RTFT

I'm pretty sure I know what this means and it's not nice. I left GN a while ago and decided to give it another try. Posts like the above and Teetime's thread remind me very quickly why I left.
I don't think any of you would ever speak to someone like that in real life.

They may not verbalise it exactly like that Hithere but they can ask and say please and thank you at that age.

Summerlove and NotSpaghetti - you're right. We don't exactly know. I guess the OP thought that was what was going to happen and a lot of 3 year olds do things like that, given half a chance.

I hope the whole sorry situation gets resolved for the OP, her daughter and granddaughter.

Iam64 yes!

Nadateturbe

This child in question is only 3.
Just 3 years old. I highly doubt a child is able to verbalize it like you wrote it.

Your expectations how a 3 year old should behave are very unreasonable

I'm about to go all mums net and suggest people RTFT

I would expect the child to ask, Can I have some cucumber please? Then I would wash it and cut a reasonable piece off for the child who would then say thank you, and I would then say if you want more when you're finished just ask. I would allow my mother to do likewise. I wouldnt give it back in front of my mother. It's not giving her respect.

The whole situation is probably about more than a cucumber. - yes, if you read back, Tangerine you will see this is true.
The cucumber was just an incident given as an example.

it is not right to just grab at a cucumber and take a bite out of it and then either just put it down somewhere or drop it on the floor.

Granddaughter had not done that though. OP thought she would, but we don’t know.

Easily used her words and told her granddaughter that now that she has taken the cucumber she must eat all of it. But she didn’t, she chose to take it away and cause an argument.

I agree the OP should have explained why she was taking the cucumber away from her granddaughter but, no matter what form of parenting style you use, it is not right to just grab at a cucumber and take a bite out of it and then either just put it down somewhere or drop it on the floor.

The OP and her daughter need to have a frank but calm discussion if that is possible.

The whole situation is probably about more than a cucumber.

I think the cucumber keeps coming up is because people aren't reading all the responses.

The cucumber keeps coming up because the OP gave it as an example of what happens -
an example of her snatching something from a small child with no explanation, and thinking that is an acceptable thing to do.

I'm not surprised the OP's daughter finds her difficult.

I personally don't even know why this cucumber keeps coming up in the conversation! TBH I would have done the same thing in your situation and taken it off my grandchild. If my daughter had been rude about it, I would have told her that under my roof, she and my gd obey my rules and one of those rules is do not waste food. It is immaterial who bought it. However, that being said, i know that my daughter respects my disciplining her children as I only do it to teach them right from wrong. It is very difficult. I hope you find a solution.xx

Difficult, of course, But .. when my kids were small, and we stayed with the MIL, we abided by her rules. She wanted to feed them three good meals a day, while my cubs were used to little and often. She wanted them in bed and asleepby six, mine were used to playing in their rooms until eight. We compromised, and accepted that our ways were not the same, but both meant for the good of the children.