How to handle an odd situation

It's really difficult, but personally I couldn't let this lie - but that's the way I am. I would try to bring it up in conversation, you know along the lines of "what are you doing this Christmas holidays? Anything exciting?"

They may be planning a surprise visit to see all the family, but then the 'What ifs' niggle at the back of the brain as to how to prepare for the hurt if they don't come to you. Or they may be hoping to come, but haven't said anything yet as Covid may still rear it's head and put a ban on travel again.

A dilemma indeed! Presumably, you chat on the 'phone with your son? I think I would avoid mentioning your granddaughter’s comment but just ask casually what their plans are for Christmas. You could perhaps introduce the topic by talking about your own festive preparations (shopping, baking, decorations, cards, etc) as a lead into the topic.

It could be that things aren’t finalised with other members of the family, who may well have work commitments. Are you retired? Is it possible that your son, rightly or wrongly, assumes you’re available, even at late notice?

Good luck and I’m sure you’ll be diplomatic in your approach. Perhaps you’ll keep us posted on the outcome.

There are a lot of possibilities here. I think the generic, "What are your plans for Christmas?" could work well. It might be awkward for you if the answer given still doesn't give you closure though.

It could be that your son is still working out arrangements with the ILs and will speak to you about plans when that is organised.

It could be they are doing a short visit for some reason and don't have a full day to spare.

It's also possible that something is going on in DIL's family and they are travelling for that. A couple of years ago I travelled around Christmas time due to a medical issue in one of my parents. I flew in. They told me not to hire a car as they were happy to take us to and from the airport. Each day I travelled with them to the hospital. I had no transport of my own. If there were any family members or friends in the area I'd normally have caught up with, I had no time of my own to visit them. I'd also never have asked my parents to have to work out fitting in any additional plans of my own under the circumstances, even if other people were willing to come to me. They had enough going on. The object of the trip was single purpose. I hope everyone is well on your DIL's side, but just an idea.

I don't know the current rules in your country or state, but common sense dictates that we cut down on visits.
We have been to see a family member who needed a bit of support and company, and driven right by others we would normally call in to on the way, in order to minimise visits.
So they may be going to see DiL's family, but don't want to add a visit - and maybe wanted to avoid a difficult conversation. I would add that if there is a 'reason' for visiting one family and not another, it may be confidential. I remember my MiL asking us to change plans because she had become ill, and she was frantic with worry that I would tell my mother the reason.
I agree with keeping the conversation generic - otherwise your GD may be given instructions to tell you nothing!

I think we have to be forgiving in these times, however hard it feels, and let some of these things go - hoping to mend fences / bridges next year. I hope you can do that.

I say the next in the hope of raising a smile, please don't think I am unsympathetic - we have English speaking posters from all around the world, but to most of us in the UK, 3 hours is a long journey! I always smile at my nieces in Oz 'popping' somewhere that's a 2-3 hour drive! But of course, here in the UK, that length of drive would include at least one traffic hold-up!

I hope you can enjoy your Xmas and making plans for next year.

Is there a problem with this particular son, that you know about? I’d be inclined to say nothing if there is....but to enquire if there isn’t, if you understand me. Children say things out of context sometimes don’t they? It could rattle a few cages if you have a difficult relationship with them.

I agree with the advice to introduce a general discussion about Christmas the next time you speak to your son and see if he's forthcoming Kartush.

I hope he is, otherwise you're going to be left wondering and hoping.

It is important not to jump to negative conclusions - but I can see that this has left you in a bit of a quandary. I agree that asking what they are doing for Christmas is a sensible way forward.

Whatever happens, I hope you have a good time.

your son hasn't visited you in 6 years, yet you visit him every year, surely an imbalance?It sounds like there is something else going on , I would mention it to him, otherwise it will bother you and grow and grow.

I think it says a lot about yours and your sons relationship that you are in such a position of doubt and worry over bringing this up to him.
For me I wouldn’t second guess calling my mum or dad and asking them what was happening. Even if plans were made I know nothing negative would happen from me querying it.

How does communication usually go between you? You found out through completely innocent means so I can’t see you getting in trouble for that.

Perhaps you can say you heard they were coming to Queensland and could you meet them somewhere, and add you’d be delighted if they could spend a few days with you

As you see your family so infrequently my thinking is that if they are going to visit it will be really very exciting and I would want time to prepare and get in some special treats. Christmas is getting really close now and flexible plans, due to Covid would surely already be in place.
It rather sad if you feel that you can’t talk to your family, specifically your son about Christmas plans.

You could always suggest going to theirs for Christmas, then they would have to tell you if they weren’t going to be there.

Look on the sunny side perhaps it is meant to be a surprise for both sets of parents. If you speak up you may be dropping your grandchild in it!

My response to our son would be ‘OMG! I’m so excited to hear you’re coming to Queensland can’t wait to see you all - can’t stop thinking about it!’ Then leave the ball in his court ?

I would just drop it in a conversation and ask what he was planning for Christmas . He doesn't have to know he daughter had said anything .

I think you have to ask what they are doing for Christmas, it just depends on your relationship as to how you do it e.g. if the grandchildren are always saying funny things then you could mention the GD's remark, if things are more restrained just a plain question. I do hope you get an answer and that there isn't a medical problem anywhere.

Hhhmmm. From personal experience, I would be suspicious. I think I would find a way to ask, diplomatically of course. Could say something like "(granddaughter's name) said you're visiting Queensland? Need to know if I'm getting more food for the fridge!"

Perhaps, I also agree with those who say just ask what they're doing for Christmas.

I think Kartush should prepare herself for disappointment. I may be wrong but if her son and family haven’t visited for 6 years then I can’t see a surprise visit being planned. If indeed they are travelling to Queensland and d.I.l. family live there then no doubt that is where they heading. Don’t shoot me down but d.i.l. more often than not find being being with in laws difficult. I assume they’ve been to visit d.I.l.family in the last 6 years and if they didn’t visit Kurtush then, I think it unlikely this year will be different.

My daughter lives in another city in the UK about 2 hours travel time from us. I live one side of London, and she has friends the other side of London. Even in the same city, it would be too much to combine the visits, as it would take 2 hours just to cross London!! So even though they are going to be visiting in Queensland doesn't mean it's practical to visit two separate homes in the same state on the same visit. It might seem unfair if they're visiting the in-laws and not the OP, but again that could be just a pragmatic "for the best" decision - for instance the OP sees them around once a year even though she has to do the visiting usually. But the in-laws may not travel - maybe they've not seen them for even longer than they've not seen the OP, and if they want to see them at all, the son and DiL have to do the travelling.

With Christmas just 3 weeks away I’d not beat around the bush. I would mention that you heard a whisper that they were planning a trip to Qld.
Nanarose in Australia we have very few cases of the virus, some states are totally free and so our internal borders are opening up for domestic travel.

The next time you talk on the phone to your son I suggest you casually drop into the conversation " I hear you are visiting Queensland for Christmas, will you be dropping in"? And then judge his reaction. All to often our AC are swayed by their partners to go along with their particular plans and we don't all get considered; this happens particularly with AS and DIL's.
Sorry, I could not let this go, I would have to say something to clear the air and find out where I stood.

Hopefully it would be easy to bring up in conversation as interstate travel in Australia has been banned through the pandemic, although restrictions may be easing I believe? What they want to do and what they are allowed to do may be two different things. I imagine that as in the UK flexibility is required when making plans for the festive period.

sorry but i would go straight to the jugular and ask outright ,by saying "i hear you are coming to our part of the world for Christmas ,how lovely ,which day are you coming to see us oldies ," Nothing like stating the obvious ,is my idea ,that way you know exactly how things are ,good luck and hope you see your family xx