How to handle an odd situation

I agree with montymops. Perhaps do some work on your emotions before you contact your son to make sure you can cope if they re not planning to visit you. Don't ruminate on ideas that they are avoiding you - they may well have good reasons to visit the in-laws which are not known to you. Good luck!

I assume that they are in Western Australia - it does seem funny that they haven't said anything. It's such a big thing that the borders are now open - the day it happened I was on the phone to my daughter ( in NSW) planning our next meet-up here in Queensland. In your shoes I'd be totally up front - ring and ask what their plans are. Then you can move forward.

I think you should be up front and say that GD said you were coming to Queensland this `Christmas, is that right? There is always the chance that DS and DIL were present when the call was being made so why beat about the bush? You should then get a straight answer and if they are going to stay with DIL's family then say it would be great to meet up, know it's a. long journey but maybe we can meet somewhere inbetween for a proper catch up.

I think if my granddaughter had said that to me I would definitely check with my son. However, would have to be prepared to accept and understand if there were other reasons for their visits. I do hope it works out for you .

sorry but i would go straight to the jugular and ask outright ,by saying "i hear you are coming to our part of the world for Christmas ,how lovely ,which day are you coming to see us oldies ," Nothing like stating the obvious ,is my idea ,that way you know exactly how things are ,good luck and hope you see your family xx

Hopefully it would be easy to bring up in conversation as interstate travel in Australia has been banned through the pandemic, although restrictions may be easing I believe? What they want to do and what they are allowed to do may be two different things. I imagine that as in the UK flexibility is required when making plans for the festive period.

The next time you talk on the phone to your son I suggest you casually drop into the conversation " I hear you are visiting Queensland for Christmas, will you be dropping in"? And then judge his reaction. All to often our AC are swayed by their partners to go along with their particular plans and we don't all get considered; this happens particularly with AS and DIL's.
Sorry, I could not let this go, I would have to say something to clear the air and find out where I stood.

With Christmas just 3 weeks away I’d not beat around the bush. I would mention that you heard a whisper that they were planning a trip to Qld.
Nanarose in Australia we have very few cases of the virus, some states are totally free and so our internal borders are opening up for domestic travel.

My daughter lives in another city in the UK about 2 hours travel time from us. I live one side of London, and she has friends the other side of London. Even in the same city, it would be too much to combine the visits, as it would take 2 hours just to cross London!! So even though they are going to be visiting in Queensland doesn't mean it's practical to visit two separate homes in the same state on the same visit. It might seem unfair if they're visiting the in-laws and not the OP, but again that could be just a pragmatic "for the best" decision - for instance the OP sees them around once a year even though she has to do the visiting usually. But the in-laws may not travel - maybe they've not seen them for even longer than they've not seen the OP, and if they want to see them at all, the son and DiL have to do the travelling.

I think Kartush should prepare herself for disappointment. I may be wrong but if her son and family haven’t visited for 6 years then I can’t see a surprise visit being planned. If indeed they are travelling to Queensland and d.I.l. family live there then no doubt that is where they heading. Don’t shoot me down but d.i.l. more often than not find being being with in laws difficult. I assume they’ve been to visit d.I.l.family in the last 6 years and if they didn’t visit Kurtush then, I think it unlikely this year will be different.

Perhaps, I also agree with those who say just ask what they're doing for Christmas.

Hhhmmm. From personal experience, I would be suspicious. I think I would find a way to ask, diplomatically of course. Could say something like "(granddaughter's name) said you're visiting Queensland? Need to know if I'm getting more food for the fridge!"

I think you have to ask what they are doing for Christmas, it just depends on your relationship as to how you do it e.g. if the grandchildren are always saying funny things then you could mention the GD's remark, if things are more restrained just a plain question. I do hope you get an answer and that there isn't a medical problem anywhere.

I would just drop it in a conversation and ask what he was planning for Christmas . He doesn't have to know he daughter had said anything .

My response to our son would be ‘OMG! I’m so excited to hear you’re coming to Queensland can’t wait to see you all - can’t stop thinking about it!’ Then leave the ball in his court ?

Look on the sunny side perhaps it is meant to be a surprise for both sets of parents. If you speak up you may be dropping your grandchild in it!

You could always suggest going to theirs for Christmas, then they would have to tell you if they weren’t going to be there.

As you see your family so infrequently my thinking is that if they are going to visit it will be really very exciting and I would want time to prepare and get in some special treats. Christmas is getting really close now and flexible plans, due to Covid would surely already be in place.
It rather sad if you feel that you can’t talk to your family, specifically your son about Christmas plans.

Perhaps you can say you heard they were coming to Queensland and could you meet them somewhere, and add you’d be delighted if they could spend a few days with you

I think it says a lot about yours and your sons relationship that you are in such a position of doubt and worry over bringing this up to him.
For me I wouldn’t second guess calling my mum or dad and asking them what was happening. Even if plans were made I know nothing negative would happen from me querying it.

How does communication usually go between you? You found out through completely innocent means so I can’t see you getting in trouble for that.

your son hasn't visited you in 6 years, yet you visit him every year, surely an imbalance?It sounds like there is something else going on , I would mention it to him, otherwise it will bother you and grow and grow.

It is important not to jump to negative conclusions - but I can see that this has left you in a bit of a quandary. I agree that asking what they are doing for Christmas is a sensible way forward.

Whatever happens, I hope you have a good time.

I agree with the advice to introduce a general discussion about Christmas the next time you speak to your son and see if he's forthcoming Kartush.

I hope he is, otherwise you're going to be left wondering and hoping.

Is there a problem with this particular son, that you know about? I’d be inclined to say nothing if there is....but to enquire if there isn’t, if you understand me. Children say things out of context sometimes don’t they? It could rattle a few cages if you have a difficult relationship with them.

I don't know the current rules in your country or state, but common sense dictates that we cut down on visits.
We have been to see a family member who needed a bit of support and company, and driven right by others we would normally call in to on the way, in order to minimise visits.
So they may be going to see DiL's family, but don't want to add a visit - and maybe wanted to avoid a difficult conversation. I would add that if there is a 'reason' for visiting one family and not another, it may be confidential. I remember my MiL asking us to change plans because she had become ill, and she was frantic with worry that I would tell my mother the reason.
I agree with keeping the conversation generic - otherwise your GD may be given instructions to tell you nothing!

I think we have to be forgiving in these times, however hard it feels, and let some of these things go - hoping to mend fences / bridges next year. I hope you can do that.

I say the next in the hope of raising a smile, please don't think I am unsympathetic - we have English speaking posters from all around the world, but to most of us in the UK, 3 hours is a long journey! I always smile at my nieces in Oz 'popping' somewhere that's a 2-3 hour drive! But of course, here in the UK, that length of drive would include at least one traffic hold-up!

I hope you can enjoy your Xmas and making plans for next year.