Moving nearer children/grandchildr en

We married late in life, we originally lived quite a long way from each other. We sold our family homes and bought a bungalow 10 miles away from his family and an apartment the same distance from mine. So we’re set for old age ( both 72) and set for being near family whichever one goes first. We spend a month or so in each, it’s great! It also meant we had to de-clutter now while we are fit instead of our kids having to do it when we go. We joined U3A to make new friends.

Put furniture into storage, rent out house, rent flat near kids for a year or so, once C19 over. Travel a lot. After a year or so of that the links with the house and area it's in will be weakened. You will have had fun travelling and you will find it easier to make permanent the move then if that is what you decide.

NB It's in your sixties and seventies you make the friends you meet through voluntary work. Also, chances are at least one of the two families will stay put.

PS - I meant the daughters live in Cornwall, not us!

My daughters live close to each other but 280 miles away from us in Cornwall. Every now and then I have a blitz looking at houses there on Rightmove but it's not a county to grow old in really. The cottage we already have in that area is down a mile of muddy track and the nearest shop is now a 3 mile drive. But having said all that, if I were you I'd do the Rightmove thing, keep up with absolutely everything that's for sale in the area you're considering. And if all else fails, give Kirsty and Phil a call and get them to find you something!

My daughter and her children will be emigrating to the USA as soon asCovid allows. She is my only child and we adore her and our two gorgeous granddaughters BUT I would never dream of moving to be near them. They will have their own (hopefully happy) lives and we have ours. The granddaughters will get to an age that they will go off and do their own thing. I do not believe in following children around so we will be looked after in our dotage. If I need care, I will sell up and pay for it

We lived in a lovely cottage in a rural area by a canal two miles from local shopping. My DD and SIL and amazing GS aged 4 lived two hour drive away (I don’t drive). I wanted to be involved with him and help out. I travelled by train on Sunday evenings and returned Tuesday evenings to look after him for two days the rest of the week he went to nursery. We decided to move when DH retired. Sold cottage right away which was a shock. Moved in with DD for a few months and found a lovely house ten minutes walk away. Lockdown came soon after so best decision we ever made. They are our bubble and GS is my best buddy. Couldn’t be happier.

I am lucky in that my DS and DD all live in the same town as us and so does my SD. I only have one GS, who is 6 and I meet him from school every day and this afternoon I am going for a nice walk with him. I love being such a part of his life and before Covid, we all got together regularly for lunch at the pub. If anyone needs anything, we are all there for each other.

harrigran
How right you are. A neighbour of mine was contemplating selling her present home in the SW to move three hundred miles to be near DD living in the NE.
It came as a shock to hear SIL had been offered a job in NZ which he had no intention of refusing thinking of a better future for his family, being wife, two sons, seven and ten and a three year old daughter.

We are just in the process of moving to be closer to our children/grandson. We are in our 60's and have been talking about doing it for several years now. We've found a lovely house on the edge of the Cotswolds so lots of day trips are planned, when we are allowed to travel again as well as lots of time with the family.
We have lived in the same house for 37 years so move is quite stressful, solicitors move slowly and tell you nothing. Glad we are moving before we are older. Can't wait.

I always said that when my daughter had children I would move 230 miles to where she lives. My beautiful gs is now 6 months old and I’ve changed my mind even though with Covid I have only seen him 3 times briefly. A few months ago a very good friend of mine asked if I really wanted to go as I would only know my daughter and sil in that area but here I have really good friends and family. It was then that I realised I didn’t want to move all that way as I’m not that good at making new friends. I think after a short while I would have felt very isolated. Although I’m missing my DD and gs at least I can keep in touch via video messaging and phone calls until Covid eases and I can visit again.

marymary62 we did exactly what you are contemplating doing when we were in our early sixties. Like you, having visited the AC/GC regularly we were well acquainted with the area we were considering moving to. Neither of us have ever regretted the decision to relocate. The AC were keen to have us move here and it has proved to be a mutually beneficial arrangement. Nothing about our 'old life' could compete with the benefits of being involved with the AC & GC. Having said that we do not live in each others pockets and have our own life and friends.

I also understand the difficulty of leaving a house which you have put so much of yourselves into. It was hard for us, but we realised that it was simply bricks and mortar which had been a fabulous family home, but the family were no longer there.

My advice would be to do it sooner rather than later so you have time to settle into a new community, make friends etc whilst you are still mobile. You sound as if you are outgoing people, so that shouldn't be a problem for you.

Another thing to consider. House prices tend to rise. We could just about afford to do it when we did, but if we had left it much later it would have been financially impractical.

By the way, moving into a bungalow is not compulsory! Good luck with your decision making.

I omitted to mention that we lost money on our house move, but that is the least of the considerations for me

and also,, bungalow

some years back, when younger, my mum lived with us , we moved to a bungalow to help her, she didn`t last much longer, and I didn`t adapt to bungalow life, like my bedroom window open when I can, weather permitting.

so also, stairs are good exercise ! so we are told, and I can, hopefully get a stair lift if and when necessary

just some more thoughts.

marymary62 - we were in almost the situation as you. We lived in an area we loved with lots of activities to keep us busy but our two DDs and families lived near to each other just under 100 miles away. We were able to rent a house close to them for 6 months which was long enough to realise that for several reasons it was not where we wanted to be so we moved back. I strongly recommend renting.

We live in Chesterfield, 13 miles from Sheffield and on the edge of the Peak District. Our three children and four grandchildren all live locally the furthest in Sheffield. Property prices in our small market town are much cheaper than Sheffield and we are close to a main line station and the M1. I 'm an only child and am originally from Birmingham. My parents moved up here when my Dad was 71 and had 12 good years until his death. My Mum although much younger was by then suffering from dementia and my children were very young. Thank God she was close to us, I don't know how I would have coped otherwise. This is a lovely area and worth considering, having said that we love Northumberland as our daughter was at uni in Newcastle. Easy to visit though. One slight word of warning 're moving as you may become tied into childcare so less able to enjoy your freedom as much, as I know from experience. Good luck whatever choice you make.

MaryMary62 - my husband and I are in our sixties. I’ve wanted to move nearer to my daughter for some time. We’ve been trying for the past 9 months. Not an easy move for us as like you DD lives in a more expensive county. Although they are only an hour away (on a good day on the M25!) this can extend easily to 3 hours quite regularly. I’d love to be nearer and am beginning to hate the drive. As my daughter says she doesn’t want to have to do that when we get older - and I completely understand that as we did it for our parents. I feel if we make the move now we are young enough to re settle together and make a new life. The actual property side is difficult as like you we renovated our home and spent much time love and money on it. Finding something we like and that is sensible has proved difficult plus our house buying system is so flawed it’s not very easy. Good luck to you - hope whatever you decide it goes well.

We moved from Brighton to Devon 2 years ago leaving our only DS, DDL & only GS. We used to baby sit him every weekend as they both worked unsociable hours. We lived about an hour from them before but at least saw them every week when they popped GS to us. Down here we’ve found the journey too far and awkward. DH had 2 knee replacements before coming down here and I need both done now which have suddenly got a lot worse in the past year. I’m only 64 but I found moving, sorting a new house, having work done and decorating etc exhausting when we moved here 2 years ago but now we are doing it all over again to move back to Sussex. DS and family didn’t come down as often as they would have liked due to work and affording the long journey, nor did friends who promised to visit (and then along came COVID) our DGS misses us badly as there’s no other family and we miss not only family but friends also as we haven’t made any in Devon. We had a lovely bungalow before in a brilliant location but trying to move back has had its problems, we’ve lost money on property prices as it’s much more expensive even after 2 years, we are having to compromise on what we’re buying but the plus side will be we will only be 20 minutes from DS and his family (handy for us and them babysitting and knees done etc), I get to see our friends and family again plus to be honest I know how exhausting it is to move and would rather it be now than in ten years from now as I don’t want to miss anymore of GS growing up. Time flies too quickly. One last thing my DH is a few years older than me and I’d rather move in case something happens to one of us so we have families support if needed. Good luck in whatever you decide to do.

My family is split between the north and the south so to move to be nearer one would make me further away from the other so a move in case I needed a bit more support wouldn't fit. Also both live in very expensive areas, no way would I be able to buy even a flat. You sound as if you have invested a lot in your current home perhaps that's what's keeping you back. The type of property you may look for now may be totally different from that that you consider once you slow down on your sailing and travelling. Perhaps wait a few years and enjoy what you have, where you are, sounds idealic.

I would say, if you have doubts at the moment, don’t do it!. Don’t be pressurised by others!
Here’s a suggestion - say you really don’t want to consider moving during or just after a pandemic. There are numerous reasons why it would be a bad idea at this time.
Ask your family to stop sending property details.
Relax; forget about moving. Enjoy your current lovely home and location. Make the best of everything you currently have.
In 12 to 18 months times review the situation afresh. How do you feel at this point?
Decisions may become easier as you refocus on what you both need and want.

Psychological research indicates that people have great difficulty in realistically envisaging their lives in 15 years' time. So, try to do just that. In 15 years, your grandchildren will be at the point of going to university. Will your children have stayed in the same place? Will you still be sailing and camper-vanning? What will your health be like? Will you be near good hospitals? As someone who ended up having to move from rural Northumberland, it will tug at your heartstrings! We also sailed, and would not have wanted to be inland. However, due to husband's health (and believe me, it can turn on a sixpence), I realised that we needed not only to be near services, but also, a short walk from doctors, pharmacy, Post Office, shops, public transport. It was a traumatic move. I suppose what I'm saying is, if you're going to make a move, make sure you are future-proofing. Good luck with your decision!

I think you should ask yourselves, if after the move you would be still happy there if your children had to move for job reasons. As others have suggested rent out for a year to test the water.

It’s a difficult dilemma but from my experience, move in the next few years . My parents lived 250 miles away and we have always had lots of long journeys to see them , and them us . Which is fine when you are fit and able ..... but time moves on ..... and as they got older ..... much more difficult and stressful. They have now just moved around the corner from us ..... but I fear they have left it too late . They are 89 and 87 .
They should have done it 20 years ago . They say that now they have done it . We have all missed out on so much .

We moved to Nottingham to be near our 3 daughters. We are in our sixties, so wanted to move while we were still young and fit enough to make new friends. We moved to a slightly bigger house so that we can host all the family .
In my my husband’s words
Don’t downsize too early, don’t move too late.

The only comment I have to make is about"being ready for a bungalow". If you decide to make the move why not to a bungalow Now? It's going to be a lot more stress and hassle and money if you leave it until later. You can still have a camper van if you have a bungalow.....I did and it makes loading up easy when you don't have stairs to go up and down.

I know the difficulties of looking after elderly people who live a long way away from me.

Why not do what someone upthread suggested - rent out your house for a few months and rent somewhere near them and see what you think. Yorkshire is great in my view.

If you eventually buy somewhere slightly more urban and they move away, you will still be in a better and easier position. Also, Sheffield area is slightly more central within the UK.

I think there are advantages and disadvantages. This is the case with many things in life.

We have already downsized to a smaller house. We decided to stay in the same area as we never know where our children will go to next.
DH has told me that when one of us dies, the other sells the house and rents somewhere not too far from an offspring. That way, one is independent and not too far when one becomes a bit physically needy. All the repairs and stuff for a flat then are the responsibility of the landlord.