Moving nearer children/grandchildr en

We live about a 15 minute drive from our daughter. We help her out with the little ones whenever we can and decided would move nearer to help more and for other reasons like a quieter garden as the one we have now is on a noisy road. We have sold our house and found a house we will need to do up but it is nearer to my daughter. We are a little scared but a lot excited. We are in our mid sixties and I know some people think we are mad but it's beginning to feel the right thing to do. I hope you make the right decision for you.

I would love to live nearer my DD's and Dgc, but they live In the US and Oz. My husband is 80 and I am 65, I would willingly pack up and go and love in OZ, but he wouldn't now

My grandmother decided to stay in Manchester when my mother married and moved to London. It was fine for many years, until she gave up using the train and then gradually needed more help and support. My own children thought it was normal to spend a day once a month travelling to Manchester by train but it was difficult to really look after her. Can you talk this over with your offspring? I think the idea of renting and trying out the area is a good one.

I think that the fact that you are asking this question means that you want us to say ‘yes’. You can still go caravanning, etc, wherever you live, and mid-60s is young enough to adapt and make a new home.

We have just moved from our beautiful home in the Scottish Highlands to be near to our grandchildren who all live in Kent.
It has not been an easy journey, we were guzumpted on the way and are consequently living in a damp, cramped rental property in Kent and not able to see anyone because of Covid.
We also are in our sixties and were enjoying life in Scotland. It was hard to come to the decision to leave but, on balance, we decided that family had the edge over beautiful scenery and a stunning home.
In our present situation we are wishing that we had held off for a year or two but we do realise that at some stage at least one of us would move down south.
Lists of pros and cons don’t work for me, I had to look deep to think about where I could be of the most use and came to the conclusion that was in Kent to help out with grandchildren.

Mary Mary 62, everything you write strikes a chord with me as I'm in exactly the same situation as you.
Seven years ago, due to job relocation, our DD moved 240 miles away with her husband, with whom she has since split but has school sge twins. They both have new partners who are locals which will keep them in the area they are in.
Our DS then met a lovely girl who was a student in our area and 3 years ago they moved 180 miles, back to her hometown.
I'm really pleased they are all settled but this lockdown has certainly struck home how important I think it is to be near family. DH and I have no family at all in our area now and while i would move in a heartbeat to be near DD and grandchildren (also would be much nearer to DS) my DH is very reluctant as his beloved golf club is just across the road from our house!
We have decided that, when we are again able to travel we will rent a house for a month where DD lives and give that a try first although DH has said he 'might pop back home' mid stay to play golf!

Marymary62 we have juts made the leap to be nearer our daughter and GS and i wish we had done it sooner as GS is 16 now so not many more years before he flies the coop and it looks like he will be travelling a lot when he gets going. at the moment of course we cant seem at all but we are nearer and as soon as we can we will have a lot of involvement. I would get on and do it we wasted precious time debating and discussing and the moving process took over a year but that's another story.

I can only recount my experience,
dh and I moved several, not a lot, of times during our married life.
we moved from Oxfordshire. to North Yorkshire whilst I was still working fulltime and could pay the bills. (no problem as far as we both were concerned) dh`s health started to deteriorate, I guess I was about 55 ?

then getting to 60, back then,, retirement age looming, dh`s health not getting any better, first grandson born, and I knew I could not stay so far away from them,
we couldn`t do "weekend" visits, not great travellers too far there and back, and of course getting older.

I just knew I wanted to be near gks.. (not a particularly maternal type)

so we moved, I retired a little earlier than hoped for.

left lovely part of the country, lovely home, lovely friends

now been here, Swindon, just over 20 years,

don`t really regret it.. been with 4 gks ,, growing up.
dh died, I am alone for the first time ever in my life.. (not easy for me) got some friends here, but....

gks making their own lives.. despite the lockups..

but do I regret it? not really, still miss previous life, and beautiful Yorkshire... but if I was there, without my husband, I don`t think it would be ...

well don`t regret it,, miss it , of course,, but I knew, really knew that I wanted to be near to my gks growing up.

We are less than an hour to our only child. He has often said if one of us passes the other needs to move over to their side of the harbour .
The thing is we have a medical and suchlike infrastructure here at our doorstep.
Our public transport is amazing and we could no longer drive that would be very important . Son does get a bit cranky when we laugh it off (nicely) husband has a few friends in the city which is about a 25 min bus trip. I have two best friends one suburb over . Nope who knows what son and his family may do as time goes on.

marymary62

Soda pop - it would be the only reason to move ! Nothing there is better than here - although there are lovely areas it is more expensive - but I am feeling a little pressured by my daughters who obviously think it would be a good thing! I love them so much and have always found it hard to put my needs first. I also know that I will want to be nearer them as I get older . I do think they are there to stay, but who really knows.

Circumstances change in our childrens lives, its impossible to know if they will stay where they are for the rest of their lives. All my immediate family all lived in the same village and said they would never move out of the village. Theyve all now moved out of the village, reasons being downsizing, work related, university. Now they are scattered all over the uk. Ive always supported them in them decisions as its their lives to live not mine.

Yes Gingster that is true! A lovely view doesn’t make up for a cuddle with family! Not that we are getting much of that at present .....

Thanks honey rose , it sounds like you have a good balance. I missed having my parents and in laws around when my kids were growing up, and it was hard when mum was older to travel to see her. I hate being so pathetic about making the decision as one day I am sure and the next not ! Pandemic doesn’t help as we can’t do anything until it is over ! Thankyou for your suppprt

I would prioritise your view - you cannot take it with you; and if you become less mobile (as we all will) you can feed your soul on the view to make up for lots of physical losses.

Soda pop - it would be the only reason to move ! Nothing there is better than here - although there are lovely areas it is more expensive - but I am feeling a little pressured by my daughters who obviously think it would be a good thing! I love them so much and have always found it hard to put my needs first. I also know that I will want to be nearer them as I get older . I do think they are there to stay, but who really knows.

Marymary62. Sounds like quite a dilemma! It does sound as if you live in a beautiful part of the country I have to say, but that the family are obviously not near by. On balance, I think I would go for it - a move. I would do lots of research of the area though so that you have community, facilities, good transport links near you. Very important as you get older. I wouldn’t leave it too late to make the move, but don’t rush into it either by moving into a house/village you’re not happy with. Easier said than done, I know. DH and I live in the next village to DD, SIL and GC. we certainly don’t live in each other’s pockets, but provide childcare at least once a week, although less now with the pandemic. We adore seeing the GC grow up and would miss out on that if further away. We realise that they may move to another area, but they seem settled and don’t have the sort of jobs that would take them into another county anyway. Very best of luck with your decision, but if you’re going to make the move, do it before you really need to and whilst you’re still reasonably fit and active. Very best wishes.

Don't make the proximity to family the only reason to move Marymary things do change as Harrigran said. If you will be happier in the new location, better house, closer to facilities etc then that's good. Sounds like you have made the decision though.

Home is where your heart is MM. We have often thought of moving permanently to our holiday home on the Suffolk coast. We love it and the beach is literally on our doorstep. It’s in a AONB. We spent the first lockdown there for 10 weeks but by that time , we knew for certain that we wanted to be back in the bosom of our family, and long time friends. We are lucky to be able to go there often but it’s so lovely to come back ‘home’.

You can never be sure that your DC will stay put. My DD lived twenty minutes away from me but on a whim went for an interview for a job and in a month she had not only left the atea but the country as well.
Be certain you will be happy in the area you move to and that facilities are within easy commuting distance.

If you decide to move do it before you reach 70. After that age you don’t usually have as much stamina or energy for all the work entailed in moving plus others in your new area are shutting down more and don’t want to make new friends. Local friends are important when you get older especially if you choose to live closer but not on the doorsteps of your DDs. I’d go for it.

I guess we can find lovely places and community everywhere if we are open enough! I’ve never been to Norfolk ! Or Nottinghamshire for that matter !

Thanks quiz queen - it must be lovely to be so involved - our neighbours have their 3 daughters and 4 grandchildren around a lot (or did!) so I am rather envious of that although I have to say we wouldn’t want to give weekly support as we also value our freedom! My parents and in laws lived out of area and it was hard not having any support at all when the children were small and then when parents were older it was hard to not be nearer to give support ! I guess we are lucky to have the choice of what to do.

Thanks Genty - if they weren’t both in the same area I don’t think we’d consider it - both have been there for over ten years now and have no intention of moving - love the area, plenty of jobs etc - but one never knows ! We have no family here and we’d be closer to other family members too ... but wouldn’t want to move again that’s for sure !

My daughters and family live 2 miles and 15 miles away so I am heavily involved in childcare and other family events. My own parents and in laws, when alive, lived 150 miles away, although luckily in the same area, so it meant we could stay and visit both at the time but I would have loved both to have lived nearer.

Lovely thought to move nearer the kids, I have thought about it ( the kids are happy for me to live closer to them due to ill health, but I dont think it would be good for my own health. )
My main concern is that the kids circumstances may change ie; moving because of work, ( that was the reason they had to move in the first instance). I would not want to uproot myself again at my age following them all over the country. They are a car journey away albeit a long journey for them when they come to visit and we skype every week and exchange emails.

Well in my heat of hearts I’ll always be a Norfolk girl but I’ve settled very happily in Nottinghamshire. I think there’s some beautiful countryside and I like the Community feel.

A bit like Norfolk really!