About to be a Grandad but never been a Dad

Wonderful - enjoy

Our youngest and partner are about to become foster parents. So in a way, we will become sort of grand-parents again- and we intend to make the very best of it.

Dear Mr.Cuke, you sound like a very nice, kind, thoughtful person,who will soon be a wonderful Grandparent,dont worry about anything, everyone will be learning, and I am sure things will come naturally, once you have seen how things are done.How lucky the family is to have you.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

You sound a brilliant man who will be an amazing grandad! Just go with the flow! Enjoy it all
Spoil then rotten then hand them back! Being a grandparent is very different to being a parent ! Don’t sweat the big stuff just be there and be you !! Good luck and every happiness for your family

Hello MrCuke, congratulations on your becoming a grandad soon! My partner who never had children of his own either, and no doubt similar concerns to yours before my grandchildren were born, is now a much loved and adored (step)grandparent. He did not seem to have to do anything other than be himself. Generally in the beginning, my daughter or son-in-law looked after their needs as babies but we would see them, go for walks, babysit occasionally. If required, I am sure he would have been able to learn how to change nappies etc. He is interested in the grandchildren, thinks of what they might like, helps with stuff (i.e. he made wooden connector pieces for an old wooden train), listens to them and plays with them. He has lovely and suitable ideas for presents for them. Both children (5 and nearly 3) often mention him in their plans, look forward to seeing him and us doing things together.
I feel sure that with your good relationships with the parents and your clear interest in everyone you are more than half way there and the rest is just to be yourself and be loved by your grandchildren for who you are.

2 of my GC have a lovely Grandad who has never had his own children. The GC are now 5 and 7 and he has a wonderful relationship with them. He struggled a bit when they were babies as he had no idea about their needs but you need to remember how fast they grow and how quickly they will respond to all sorts of activities and different types of play. He just goes to the park or plays with them in the garden. His passion is football and they all love being together. Don’t worry. Take it one stage at a time. Maybe confide in the parents that you feel a little apprehensive.

Welcome MrCuke You will find help here.
My partner was never a dad but my children and grandchildren love him to bits! He is a naturally helpful person as you seem to be and has offered certain types of practical help along the way. We have never expected nappy changing or feeding etc but he is a great playmate, especially for our grandson who simply adores him. I’m sure you will find your own way and work out what you are most comfortable doing.
I feel the most important thing a grandparent can give a child is time, to listen, to play and provide support when parents are busy. Good luck and I hope you start making some beautiful memories soon, take lots of photos. When the child calls you Grandad for the first time it will be a wonderful feeling.

Congratulations ? you're loved by your family and the baby will see this and love you too. Just be yourself so pleased for you x

Can I put my point across without being 'jumped on'.
From your posting I can tell that you will be a wonderful part of this new baby's life but it doesn't make you their grandad. If you have adopted your wife's children or if they've always called you dad then yes, most definitely, but if they have their own father they still see then he is their grandfather, not you.
My son-in-law has a step-mum who he has never called mum and not really been at all close to but she insists on calling herself Nanny to his children (my grandchildren). My SIL has his own mum and the two of us are their grandmother's, not my SILs step mum.
I know I'm probably in the minority and very old fashioned but just putting forward my opinion.
Best wishes for the new arrival who I know you will love very much.

MrCuke, I really wish you could have a chat with my hubby because this could have been him writing your post 26 years ago In every aspect.
Firstly it shows what a loving caring grandad you are going to be by worrying about this and asking for advice,
In many ways you will be like a first time dad who doesn’t have a clue so you have company there with your son in law.
Like others have said you will learn on the job and to be honest when our first grandchild came along I was a little nervous even though I’d had two of my own.
Nobody will be looking at you you are not on a test just show love that’s all you need to do.
We have seven grandkids now and every one of them worship my hubby he is Grampy and I’m sure they love him more than me ? he’s the fun one he always has loads of time for them and tells them silly jokes even the 26yr old.
So please don’t worry just be your loving self

Congratulations! Having had children then grandchildren I can say you will not really be all that different to anyone who has been a parent. Styles of parenting change, equipment is all different and even the law on child rearing so you will be learning like the others. The fact you are on GNet shows you are interested in learning all about your GC. Don't worry, babies are tougher than they look. Enjoy your new family member when he/she arrives.

I so agree with Mollie10. My grandchildren loved their step-Grandad so much,and now grown up,feel the same way.He is still their favourite person.

You have much to look forward to, Enjoy

Congratulations and as others have said you'll be OK.

When you think about it many Dads, because of circumstances, get to being Granddads without too much involvement with care of their own children when young.

Therefore, GD's can enter grand parenting with some of the same concerns you talking about and are building a new and different relationship with the DGC.

As for the need to learn about GPing, it's a learning exercise for most of us most of the time :-).

Take you lead from baby's parents and your DW and you'll find your way

Seems like you and your DW and family are embracing this new phase with love, care and consideration.

That's a great start from which to build the future of your family - non of this Step stuff - just family.

What a lucky GC to have someone in their family that cares enough to worry and want to get it right.

My OH is a "step GD" but he's just Grumps to DGD and he's the only GD she has living. He wasn't around much while my DD and our DD were growing up due to work so he didn't have the parenting bit to fall back on but it's working.

Good Luck, enjoy this time and with your lovely approach I'm sure you'll be fine.

congratulations,just think of all the fun you can have,it doesn't matter that you're not a dad,and you'll be a young grandad,only the same age as a lot of dads

What a lucky child to have you as a Grandad! You'll be absolutely fine, just enjoy the new relationship

You will be fab! You will pick it all up, trust me! My husband was in the same exact scenario as you find yourself in. Nearly a year & six months into it, he keeps saying “oh I get it now” the love he has for our first grandson (& siblings) is amazing. He still wells up to this day.
Go with the flow xx good luck

I was terrified when I had my first child. I scarcely knew one end of a baby from the other. I had never handled one, lived in a new area where I knew no-one, and miles away from my mother, and had no car or telephone. I survived!
Your family is a close and loving one. The new parents are probably also very nervous. Almost everyone is, at first, even with childcare experience. It’s different when it’s your own baby, and you’re recovering from the birth.
You sound like a lovely man. The kind I would have liked for my kids, who never had a Grandad, and only one Grandma who took little interest and lived far away. You will be fine. Just put on your L-plates, admit your ignorance, and do what the parents say. All they need is your love and support.
Happy Grandparenting!

MrCuke your heartfelt post and all the lovely replies have brought a tear to my eye ?
I'd just say always be guided by the baby's parents and ask them what help they would like.

For my daughter and her partner in the early days that's included gardening when they couldn't keep on top of it, taking piles of cardboard boxes from all the baby equipment to the tip, endlessly emptying and refilling the dishwasher.
Grandad has always been a good chest for the baby to have a cuddle and a sleep on ?

It is nerve-wracking though, I worry far more about my granddaughter than I ever did about my own three so if you're not grey now you soon may be ?

I have children and have also grandchildren I help to bring up and now have a great grand baby too. It helps to go with the parents wishes when it comes to helping with babies, even if you were not a stepparent it would be the same. New parents can struggle and appreciate help and encouragement plus times change and decisions I made when mine were babies and my grandchildren little might be outdated now so a new baby brings new ways and opportunities to do things. Lots of fun times ahead for you I suspect so enjoy your new role!

You have taken a good first step in joining Gransnet. Although some of the threads eg political ones, can get overheated, the threads re Grand-parenting are a mine of information, for the novice Grandparent. As most of us have had to learn, being a Grandparent is quite different from being a parent. GPs have the privilege of being an important part of a new life from birth and hopefully retain that connection into adulthood. You are free to love and 'spoil' the DGC and boast about them in a way that the parents, burdened with the responsibility for the child's welfare, are not. You do not have experience of being a parent, but you do have experience of being a child! Draw on these childhood memories to inform how you relate to the wee one. Good luck.

Congratulations, what a lot you have to look forward to.
I think you will be just fine.

I agree with everything that has been said. In spite of havng 3 children I had to learn when I became a grandmother- I'd never heard of baby-led weaning! So experience isn't always as useful as it might seem to be. You'll probably have more expertise with all the gadgets and equipment babies come with now as well, opening and setting up a buggy for example. I really struggled with that one! You sound loving, caring and willing to learn. You'll be great.I'd also say that biological dads are not necessarily any good at either job.

Do not worry. My DH was single and not at all bothered about missing out on having kids, but after my grandson was born struck up a complete bromance. We are a distance away but when we do see them DH gets much more attention than me

Welcome MrCuke. What a kind caring man you sound. Please don’t worry as none of us come with an instruction book, I promise in 5 years time you will wonder why on earth you ever worried. My DS had 2 lousy blood grandads but one fantastic step grandad from birth who was better than the other 2 put together. My DS and his step GF adored each other all of time from the word go. As my DS got older his grandad bought him his first bike and taught him how to ride it (and all the bikes there after), taught him how to fish, taught him lots of DIY, taught him all about cars and how to fix them and even how to drive from aged 12 (good job I wasn’t aware at the time!) They adored each other until grandads death when my DS was 36. My DS has only good memories of his step GD but no memories of the other two who were useless. My DS never thought of step grandad as anything other than his blood Blood grandad, my DS would confide in him but it wouldn’t of occurred to my son to confide in his blood GF’s, they had a lovely relationship. His Step GF had never had any experience of children before but wanted to learn but to be honest it just came naturally to him, he was my DS mate in the end. Even towards the end of his life when myself and STF would often fall out for various personal reasons nothing ever changed the relationship with my DS and his grandad which I’m glad about.
Enjoy your new DGC I’m sure you will love it.

Congratulations on your forthcoming grandchild. You are in exactly the same position my son was last year. His partner is a few years older than him, and her daughter had a little boy last year. My son is 36, and is never going to be a daddy, but he is turning into a wonderful "grandad".
He did have a head start as he is an Uncle to my DD's four children.