About to be a Grandad but never been a Dad

What a lovely story. I think the best thing to do, as your relationship with your step children is so good, is to tell them how you feel, I am sure they will understand.

Caring for a very young baby can be very 'technical' and the new parents, who have as little experience of being parents as you do, can sometimes be very prickly about how their precious package should be cared for, and your wife may well find that she gets treated as if she has no experience of parenthood either, as they introduce all kind of little rules about care; picking the baby up, putting it down etc that align with current childcare practice. All the things your wife does will be 'wrong'. She needs to be prepared for that as well.

So I would relax, listen to what the parents say and by the time the second baby arrives, you will also be doing it by instinct.

Congratulations!
I've never been either, so not a great deal of advice from me!
But I just wanted to say that you sound lovely, and I'm pretty certain that you will be a wonderful, loving Grandad.

Hello MrCuke, don't worry, you'll learn 'on the job', as do all new grandparents! I am a parent (mother) but have found that having grandchildren is different anyway from having children. You sound like a caring person and after your initial nerves I bet you'll pick it all up really quickly. Hope others in your position respond to your post. All the best.

My DH has a great relationship with all my Grandchildren even though he is not their biological grandparent. Just comply with the parents wishes regarding the baby. Take your time, be yourself and enjoy all the fun. Grand parenthood is a wonderful gift.

Congratulations

My DH, whom I married five years ago has no children and was slightly wary of meeting my grandchildren, one of whom was a baby at the time we were first together. I think he has surprised himself by how interesting he finds them, despite his initial apprehension.

Now he enjoys their company and they respond well to him because he’s good at communicating with them and he makes them laugh. I’m sure you will be fine, Mr.Cuke, as you are keen to be involved and you will soon wonder why you were worried.

All the best!

A very lovely story to start the day with
When I became a parent I was as green as grass never had any siblings or even baby cousins or anything in the family to have ‘practiced’ on My first child was born 8000 miles away from all family members but you instinctively know how to behave you listen and learn and use your instincts and it dies fall into place You make mistakes everyone does but you will be fine because you ve got loving family around you and you sound as if you are not in the least arrogant and will listen, take advise and hints
Follow your heart, don’t be afraid , you will have an automatic fatherly/ grandfatherly gene and you will learn from those around you
Babies mainly need love, kindness, feeding and changing and that’s it
You ll do fine and welcome by the way

My DH was a wonderful much loved step Grandparent to our 9 Grandchildren although he’d never had children of his own, he got to meet and be godparent to a Grt Grandchild before sadly passing away. I’m sure with guidance from your wife all will be well and you will become a much loved Grandad. Good luck and enjoy.

I wouldn't worry too much about not having any experience - many (though not all) men of our generation (and certainly generations before) have little experience of babies! Babycare was deemed the mothers domain. My husband worked away (weekdays) for years, and didn't get involved much at all. Plus, as has been said, baby care is very different now, so it's new to us biological parents too. You sound a lovely thoughtful stepdad and I am sure you will be fine. They aren't babies long, before you know it you'll be taking your grandchild to play on the swings/play football/build dens etc, all things you have plenty if experience of!

You will hold that baby in your arms for the first time and you will have a rush of feelings you never thought possible.

Being a good grandad means being there for the difficult times as well as the good.

You have a lovely attitude so I'm sure all will be well.

The first time we looked after our granddaughter, she came with pages of instructions! You'd have thought I hadn't brought up two children. I have a lovely photo of me showing the baby the instructions and telling her she wasn't following them.

What I am trying to say is that the parents may start off worrying but will soon relax. My husband is not the grandchildren's 'blood' relative but they worship him and he has a lovely relationship with them.

I think you have an advantage in that you don’t come to the role with fixed ideas about bringing up children. You won’t be imposing your views where they are not wanted. You will be one of a number of loving, supportive adults in the child’s life. Congratulations!

Congratulations MrCuke you sound like a kind and caring man. Just relax and enjoy the baby, listen to the parents about care, just be there to support the family. There will be ways you can help other than child care, Covid rules allowing. Help with shopping, cooking or jobs around the house this will allow the new parents extra time with their baby.

Congratulations! My husband became a ‘Pops’ without ever being a father. (He has been dad to my daughter since she was 6 but we never had our own biological child). My advice to you is just let it happen, our DGS just adores his Pops and the feeling is returned mutually. If you offer unconditional love and attention to a child, they’ll return it in bucket loads. Have lots of fun in the days that lie ahead.

Go with the flow! - and just enjoy. Do not overthink this! - you will be fine!

MrCuke you’ll be fine, my DH is the same, but adored by both GC’s and my children. As others have said be guided by your wife and ask if unsure. Enjoy!

My husband was in same position although the grandchildren were already part of my family. However he is much loved by both granddaughters. They adore him. Also he is also loved by my daughter and son in law. Go with the flow and enjoy.

I think that a lot of caring for a child has to be instinct and what you personally feel is right.
Looking after someone else's child can be a bit of a minefield if only in your own mind - before I had my son, I seemed to become the go to babysitter by several very exacting parents and they all seemed to be happy with while the child was in my care, whatever I did was ok - but I always asked if I was concerned about anything.
I wonder if initially (Covid permitting) it would be possible for you to spend time with the new parents to see how they do things ?
Sadly I never really had grandfathers - one died before I was born and one when I was about 4, but I always believe that grandparents are special friends to their grandchildren first and foremost. Don't worry, it will all fall into place!

I am with Viridian. I am a mother of a son and daughter and now have 3 grandkids under 3 years old; you learn on the job. The fact that you are seeking advice declares to me that you are a very caring person, so I am sure you will be a lovely granddad. Enjoy the moments you have with them as they bring so much joy to your life and a bond will grow between you, even if there is no blood bond.

My husband is a "step-grandad" to all 4 grandchildren (from my two sons). We were married before my two were married and had their children. It has always been Grandad none of this "step" nonsense. To the GCs Grandad is Grandad and they will not have it any other way.

Try not to worry. I wanted children but it was not to be. When I met my husband he had 4 children all of whom were teenagers or adults. I have a great relationship with two of his sons in particular and their children call me Grandma or Mamma (local name) and their instigation. It’s lovely, the grandchildren don’t bat an eyelid and I love the relationship I have with them. They are now 13, 10, 10, 9, 6 and 4 and it’s brilliant. Don’t worry, you will find your way - enjoy. Hopefully in a few months you will be a doting besotted Grandad - good luck ?

Not having children of your own might be a blessing. Quite often disagreements arise when the grandparent wants to do the things they way they did in the past.

You sound very caring and thoughtful, coupled with the fact that you have a good relationship with the parents is a really good start.

As to having no experience with babies, well that is another good thing. Everyone likes to be asked for help so, as long as you are prepared to take advice you will be fine.

We have 8 grandchildren and they are all different, so have different needs. Some are shy and don’t like hugging or kissing. Others love discussing sport, others are mad about board and card games.

Let the children come to you in their own way and you will reap the rewards.

Hi, i am a step grandparent to 3 children and had 2 grandchildren previously. Its absolutely no different, they are all the same to me, my precious grandchildren. Just take directions from the Mum and Dad who will have there own ideas about how they want things done. I would imagine all you will be required to do is cuddle the baby which comes naturally. Don't stress, its wonderful!

You’ve been a dad for the last 12 years. You’re going to be just fine.

Oh please don't worry, you'll be a BRILLIANT grandad! TBH my DH does very little 'technical' stuff with his 4 bio GC and 2 'step' GC - he was the same when his DC were little. He is, however, fun and playful and patient and they all adore him. Non of this step nonsense at all in our house - it's a word too many. You will be adored, trust me