About to be a Grandad but never been a Dad

My neighbour and her husband married when he was 65 and hehad never married she was a widow . As more and more grandchildren came along he just loved them . He was the one to slip them money ( when granny would not ) and he embraced and appreciated being a grandfather . Just go with the flow leave dirty nappies to the granny .

The only suggestion I can add is to admire the baby and be positive about how well the parents are doing despite sleepless nights etc even though sometimes you might feel Why are they leaving the baby to cry /not leaving the baby to cry etc . They will find their own way and just need lots of support.

My husband was never a dad and was a awkward step dad but is now much more relaxed and the grandkids love him to bits .so just enjoy it have to say he didn't get over involved when babies but once toddling ok

Accidentally posted when trying to start a new paragraph to say that you sound like a wonderful person who will also look back on your thoughts with a smile of disbelief some day when you're holding your grandchild!

MrCuke I had, in essence, a similar but opposite experience. Years ago, I married a man with three children and when I became pregnant with my first son I worried that I would not love him as much as I'd grown to love my (step)children. I'm sure that was just because my son was an abstraction (for lack of a better word) at that point. Gads, I love all five of my "kids" (in their 30's, 40's and 50's now) so much and laugh when I remember those silly old thoughts.

Congratulations! Your post indicates to me that you will be a lovely grandparent. My second husband had never been married before me and never had children. We became grandparents 14 months ago and he adores our granddaughter as much as I do. I think he just observed me and other family members and his paternal instinct just seemed to kick in.

My two adult children love their step-Dad and we are known as Nanna and Poppy since bubby was born. When all together for birthdays and Christmas, with my ex-husband included, we are just one big happy family. I feel so blessed.

Just enjoy!

LauraNorder

Hello MrCuke, you do come across as being a warm and caring man. The little baby will be lucky to have you as a grandad. The thing children need most from grandparents is to feel loved. Can’t see any problem there.
I was wondering if you are a chef from Liverpool? MrCuke

Thanks Laura, afraid I’m not a chef or from Liverpool though

Dear MrCuke,

I was in a similar position, so much so that I am a god parent to one of my wife's grand children.
All of my wife's grand children know hat I'm not their grand dad, and have done so since they were born.

In many ways this was my choice, because in my case I felt that there was another grandad though not in evidence for many years, and that as the the GKs got older they would know exactly who I am.
I I truly adore them as if they were my own, and hopefully they adore me.
I could not imagine not being honest with them( please be assured I am not accusing you of trying to be something you're not).
Currently it's working out great, come Puberty and Teenagerism who knows ?

As for being a GD, it will come as naturally and awkwardly as it does to all men

So enjoy it all, and add your love and life experience to their lives.

One Love
One Planet
Dooncaha

My husband was in the same situation and he has been wonderful and the grandchildren love him. I am sure you will do fine.
Good luck

When you hold that baby you will start to fall in love,don’t worry about a thing —— as time goes on you will get more confident,babies are very resilient,then the first time you see the tiny smile you will be hooked.You are in for so much fun and love don’t worry about a thing,children let you know what they want,enjoy every moment.Your going to do things you haven’t done in years,hope your knees are in good shape !

At it l mean

Congratulations. I've known a couple of men in a similar position to you but in their cases they became instant grandads as the grandchildren were already born. Both were brilliant at as I'm sure you will be. How exciting.

My husband was in the same position as you. Never had anything to do with babies or children ever. He took a while to feel comfortable holding babies but he’s great with them now they are older and they love him to bits.
Just be yourself, don’t try to do what you think you should, they will love you for you.

As you are so clearly a kind, thoughtful and considerate person to be anxious about this, how can you fail? I have a cousin who adopted his new wife's children, and subsequently has become the most wonderful Dad and Granddad. His adopted children have had a truly good father, and I don't believe it has anything to do with blood ties; he has loved them, looked after them, cared for them, and encouraged them always - and as far as I am concerned that is as good as it gets. You will no doubt be the same - love is the answer to everything as far as I can see, and I'm sure you will have a good relationship. Relax and enjoy - it's a wonderful experience!

Hello MrCuke, you do come across as being a warm and caring man. The little baby will be lucky to have you as a grandad. The thing children need most from grandparents is to feel loved. Can’t see any problem there.
I was wondering if you are a chef from Liverpool? MrCuke

Thank you all, its been genuinly heartwarming to read all of your kind replies.
I'm looking forward to finally getting to meet them in the next few days (fingers crossed its not much longer lol) I'm sure I'll have more questions in the next few months... ;)

Lovely story, wish you all the best, you will be absolutely fine.

Love the child with all your heart, love is a decision, decide now you will love this baby and you will. nothing beats love, keep it up. All the very best to the whole family.

JdotJ

Can I put my point across without being 'jumped on'.
From your posting I can tell that you will be a wonderful part of this new baby's life but it doesn't make you their grandad. If you have adopted your wife's children or if they've always called you dad then yes, most definitely, but if they have their own father they still see then he is their grandfather, not you.
My son-in-law has a step-mum who he has never called mum and not really been at all close to but she insists on calling herself Nanny to his children (my grandchildren). My SIL has his own mum and the two of us are their grandmother's, not my SILs step mum.
I know I'm probably in the minority and very old fashioned but just putting forward my opinion.
Best wishes for the new arrival who I know you will love very much.

Thanks JdotJ, no 'jumping on' at all. Its an interesting point and to be honest the first thing I Googled was 'Stepgrandad' (not a phrase I'd ever come across before I found out I was going to be one!) and the results were both sad and eye opening, and did make me worry as theres so much out there that seems negative about that term....
My stepkids do still have their Dad around and I've never tried to be a 'Dad' to them, I like to think we're friends instead and I'd never dream of expecting to be called 'Dad'.
Thankfully, without anyone prompting in anyway, my stepson and his wife made a point of saying I was going to be Grandad would be thought of just the same as the 'bilogical' one which I found really touching and firmly put that worry (one down....) to bed

To be honest with you, it doesn't matter how much experience you have as a parent, with a grandparent you are always deferring to the parents' wishes. If you don't, trouble ensues! You are coming to this with an open mindset which is particularly helpful and there you have an advantage.
My husband is a grandfather to 9 grandchildren and after parenting 6 children, quite frankly, he doesn't particularly feel the desire to be a hands on grandfather. He likes them well enough but he says he's had enough "parenting" to last a lifetime and has no desire to do it again. At least you won't be jaded.
None of it is rocket science and we all learned by looking to others who have experience, either those close to us or from books. Every child is different, practise changes or adapts over the years and I found that things I had been told to do with my first child were frowned upon by the time I had my second child. Thinking I had everything under my belt for the third on, I proved entirely wrong!

Hi MrCuke two things come to mind. The baby wont know you’ve never been a dad so by the time they can understand all that stuff, you’ll be and always have been Grandad! Secondly, hopefully you had a relationship with your own grandparents. Think about what you liked to do with them, what you talked about etc. Let the parents do the parenting and you can develop your relationship with baby at a much slower pace!
I have two DGDs. I also have 3DGSs I have never met due to a falling out with DD and her husband on their wedding day 15 years ago. Enjoy your time with granchild, it is so very precious!

Congratulations on becoming a Grandad, My husband and I have been married for nearly 13 years (been together for 20), when we first got together my 3 children were teenagers, now all in their 30's with 10 children between them. All of the children refer to my husband as Grandad, they absolutely love him to bits as he does them, the younger ones do get a bit excited to see him (before COVID) and in lockdown they phone and video call us. He always tell people he has 10 grandchildren and talks about them non stop. So go ahead and enjoy your Grandchildren

Like everyone else, I think you sound great, and I'm sure the new small person will think you are too! I have a partner who is a step grand parent and who is equally loved by my GC. He doesn't push himself forward ever, but is always ready to help if asked; kind, loving, interested and thoughtful - and is loved to bits in return.
Just like you will be.

The most important task you will face as a grandparent is resisting the temptation to offer advice, which you haven't been asked for.

This applies to us all, whether biologically related to the new arrival or not.

Stop worrying. Ask the baby's parents if you are in doubt about what you should or shouldn't do.

Enjoy your grandchild.

We are all of us biologically programmed to want to protect and love small children, so do just that.

Lots of women prefer older children to babies, although admitting that is hard, so if you find that the baby is a rather strange entity don't worry. It won't be long before he or she is starting to talk and before that will find your trouser legs handy to hold on to while starting to walk.

The warmth shining through from your post says an awful lot about you. You’ll be a lovely Grandad! You’ll all be leaning together - new parents and new grandparents, so please don’t worry. Enjoy it, as it passes all too quickly.

You sound great and practice doesn't always make perfect! Go with your gut and just show love and you'll be fine. My Mum is a rubbish grandma so there is no guarantee. Ask questions and show willingness is all I wanted....plus a good nights sleep! Do what they ask and just help out - you'll be fine. The fact that you have asked makes me very optimistic that you will be brilliant - Good Luck and Congratulations!