Mum Looking For Grans Advice

My arthritis means that I can't rise from sitting whilst holding anything much. When our last grandchild was born 2 years ago and we were arranging to childmind / babysit, I said that I could only do so if someone else (mainly my DH) was there.
I won't take a toddler out far either (garden is OK).
Two of us works well - I have the experience and DH can still move fairly freely.
The older grandchildren are very considerate of me and we can enjoy spending time together.

I don't want to upset you, but you really need to follow your own instinct on leaving your child with someone else, even a grandparent. 6 months is till very young, many parents don't leave their child until much older.
Different families, even within what looks superficially like the same culture, can have very different expectations. I think your idea of leaving her for very short periods (while MiL is around?) absolutely the right thing to do.
I would ignore the digs, unless they get to you so badly that you tell DH that unless your FiL stops, he won't get to babysit at all! It is not unreasonable to feel concerned about someone who is so pushy.

Spot on CrazyH.

I guess he might be pressing so hard for this because has has got wind of how you feel about it - but your feeling is right. Don't be "guilted" or pressurised into doing anything that you are not happy about with your child.

This is a difficult situation for you but I am afraid you will need to stick to your guns - the drinking would be enough for me to say no.

Honesty is always the best policy. One of the reasons I lost my relationship with my son and daughter in law because they were unable to be straight with me about their expectations of me as a grandmother and by the time it all came to light too much damage had been done by too much resentment building over time.

You're the baby's mother, you get to say what happens with her. If you are genuinely concerned about her safety with your father in law then you have to sit down with him and have a very clear and honest conversation about your concerns. It will cause upset, it wont be easy but it is honest and respectful ( as long as you don't get into fat shaming and mention his weight only in relation to his ability to physically manage the baby). Don't let resentments build up, talk adult to adult about it. Good luck.

He just wants one-to-one time with his precious granddaughter, I guess. But I don’t think it’s safe.. Obesity and alcohol - no, no, no, no.....He is so lucky to be able to see her 3 or 4 times a week. That should be good enough. You are a good daughter-in-law. Don’t feel pressurised.

Gosh! Poor you! What a position to be in! Follow your gut. You and your husband are the parents and what you want is what goes. Maybe check out some assertiveness training to help deal with your FiL's pushiness.

Good luck x