Am I being unreasonable expecting a small gift from my adult grandchildren?

Do they live away? With current restrictions, perhaps they will bring something later on when they are able to visit.

People can't shop in the way they could during Covid. I haven't even sent cards during lockdown as I have all my shopping delivered. However, I do ring of I can and wish them a happy birthday directly.
It could be they can't be bothered.
Maybe you could take more of an interest in them, too? Send a message thanking them for the card which is a signal they were thinking of you.
We are living through hard times any any support we offer each other will be appreciated more than criticism.

I don't think you're unreasonable but maybe unrealistic! The chances are that they just didn't think. At least they remembered, which is something to be thankful for.

Perhaps, when you are able to meet up you could watch for the opportunity to insert a comment into the conversation along the lines of 'I do enjoy getting flowers on special occasions' or 'I love it when I get a box of chocolates for my birthday'. But they probably won't even register that!

I think it's reasonable to feel hurt - we all want to be treated well and tokens of affectional are good as reinforcement that we matter and are thought of. The cards mean they thought of you.

However I do think things are changing with this in younger generations for many reasons - most not because they don't care, but they care differently 'at a distance' almost. Family seems to have a different meaning for them than it does for those of us who grew up in a very different society.

My advice is always to talk about it - next time you talk thank them for the cards but also say you'd have appreciated a small gift as that is how you've always understood birthdays should be celebrated and also ask was there any reason that they didn't send one. My bet is that they couldn't think of anything you didn't already have, or couldn't get for yourself and showed their thought by sending a card.

It's either that or accept they don't see it like you do and the chances are you wont be getting gifts now as it's not important to them.

I hope that makes sense, and in all honesty I would feel the same, but equally wouldn't want them to waste money on something I don't need.

Having said that I have discovered the very hard and painful way that money and help do not buy love and loyalty even when the money and help was given because of love and loyalty!

best wishes x

Lucky lady - you had a card!

I think you need to tell them what you expect.

They can’t read your minds, and likely thought they were being extremely thoughtful by sending cards vs a quick birthday text.

This is strictly mismatched expectations. The only way to solve is to talk.

My mum has 11 grandchildren. She hears/gets gifts from 8 of them on her birthday and at Christmas. 8 of them give her a ring now and then.
Unfortunately 3 of them don’t bother. I blame my sister for not instilling this as a good thing to do.
It’s not something that is spoken about though, at least not with the sister in question present. Life is too short.

I don't even expect a card from my children (they live so far away) but if they didn't call on the day I would be very disappointed.
Fortunately that has never happened.

Hi.
I can understand you're feeling hurt. There thought of you and sent a card which is more than most ppl they know would receive - it's usually a fb greeting. So they probably feel that they've done sthg you'd like. Personally I wouldn't mention lack of gift as the last thing you want surely is to receive sthg because you prompted it. Instead, I'd send a note saying thank you, asking questions, giving news, May be send a pic or sthg to ensure you strengthen your obvious bonds.
Stay safe and take care.
Jackie

I don't know why you are expecting gifts.
I think a card is enough.

Apart from a few handmade cards from when they were little, we have never received cards or presents from our grandchildren.
Until you raised the subject, I’d never given it any consideration.

I have 6 grandchildren, the eldest two are a boy 20, who's been working full time for 2 years and a girl 18, who had just started a part time job before lockdown. I had such a surprise at Christmas when the granddaughter bought me a beautiful scarf and perfume from the shop she works. I don't hold it against my grandson, I know I'm loved and don't need gifts to tell me this.

Do they usually send you gifts for birthdays or Christmas?

Oh I forgot, usually get a WhatsApp message

I wouldn`t dream of getting a gift off g/children tbh.
I think a card is enough regardless of their earnings.
But that`s just me.

Once one is a grown up, I don't think it's ever reasonable to expect a gift.

Have they sent you gifts in previous years?

I think just the fact that they made the effort to send you a card is wonderful! If they think of you in between birthdays with phone calls to stay in touch shows a lot for their generation. Are gifts something that have always been done from them to you? from them to their own parents? If yes then I’d say it’s probably related to Covid so that probably is the reason this year. Some families aren’t big gift givers. Focus on what you did get and thank them for the lovely card and express how much it meant to you that they remembered your birthday!

I would never have thought of expecting presents from my grandchildren.

I’d be happy with a card or Facebook message. I did get a special gift when I was 70 but suspect a lovely girl friend was the power behind the grandsons throne

A card is lovely , they were thinking of you.
A gift is nothing if not freely given, so personally I would not speak to them about it. Just thank them for the card.

Personally, I wouldn’t drop hints such as ‘I like chocolates’. Also wouldn’t bring up not receiving a present with them, that to me is an invitation to bad feeling and awkwardness.

How lovely that your adult grandchildren are thoughtful and caring enough to send you cards on your birthday. Contact them to let them know their thoughtfulness is appreciated. Especially at this difficult time.

I always bought my grandparents presents and would visit them on their birthdays as I lived close by. All their other grandchildren did the same. I think it gave us as much pleasure as it did them.

Do they live close enough to hand a gift in? I haven't been able to give a friend a birthday gift as I live outside her area and I don't want fined. Have they ever given you gifts for birthdays? If not, then it's unreasonable to expect them to start without some nudging. They may have sent you a gift but it's lost/delayed. I agree a gift would be lovely and understand why you are hurt, but I don't think you can expect one.