Reaching crisis point

You are a really caring mother and grandmother look after yourself.

Take care. Look after yourself.

You poor thing, but if she going to go ballistic she will, regardless who he's with you or his sister.
This poor baby will be use no doubt, he needs to get to a solicitor for advise ASAP. If she has a similar history with a previous child this will be taken into account. Shared parenting is very common now , she wont get it all her own way. Any professional advise you go with him, they will give you both peace of mind and the way forward.
I have a young friend recently going down this sort of route sadly it got nasty before it got better. It's sort of resolved now but it has had a big effect on her parents especially her Mother, but now everything getting settled things are getting back to normal.
As his mum it will be hard to watch him go through this but he will be Okay, just continue the counselling session they will help you.
As for seeing you Granddaughter tomorrow , see how you feel on the day ?
Take care and I really hope they all sort it out soon.

Keepingquiet I do feel sorry for you, but if your son is old enough to have a child then he shouldn’t be asking you to tell lies on his behalf.
This could seriously backfire on you if your DIL finds out because she will probably stop you seeing your Grandchild.
Tell your Son to man up and stop running to you with his problems.
Sorry, I know you didn’t want advice, but if this is making you ill then something really has to be done about it as you are stuck in the middle.

is your son named as father on the child's birth certificate, i believe this helps with establishing ongoing parental rights.
he will need to take professional advice.
is he a little immature perhaps, asking you to get involved is not appropriate.
all the best.

How awful for you Keepingquiet . I wouldn’t lie for your son. If your d.I.l.comes to know, she will be very angry with. Just remember, if you want to see your grandchild, you have to be on fairly good terms with your d.i.l. Unfortunately they hold the trump cards - our grandchildren. Good luck and I hope things work out.......

Thank you all- some of you know this is an on-going saga and a very messy situation.
In all probability he won't go to his sister's-but I have told him I won't lie. My DIL once got me to lie for her and I won't do that again. She is a very manipulative person and the more I get to know her (before the baby I had next to nothing to do with her) the less I like her.
I do hope to go tomorrow as I really want to see the baby. I don't really want to get involved in their shenanigans but I suppose I care about them all. They are my family after all. I live on my own, which probably doesn't help. I have only got involved since his dad (my-ex) died and the baby was born shortly after. I would be a pretty hard hearted person not to want to support my kids through such a tough time.
Anyway, as long as I get to see the baby they can do what they like.
Hopefully in a few weeks things will be much easier- I think he should wait for making drastic decisions until lockdown is over.
Hey hum- probably another instalment next week but it does help me keep a perspective. Thank you all.

are you actually allowed to visit GC at the moment, as presumably you are not providing childcare ?

No advice or opinions, sounds like you're handling it all just fine - but I will send you a hug and a virtual gin (or whatever your preference would be)

It is not fair your son is trying to put you in the middle of his relationship's problems.

I would tell him to look for help if he feels he is in a domestic violence situation.
He should also look for a lawyer and start documenting this controlling behaviour.

Have you heard both sides of the story or only your sons?

What does she do that is so controlling and unreasonable?

Deep breath stand back and think things through. You will need to support your son through this time and you will need all the strength that you can muster. Sending you hugs.

If you can, try and maintain a pleasant relationship with your daughter-in-law. You don't have to like her.
Visit your granddaughter as planned and keep that contact going.
You can support your son and still keep things neutral, you don't have to take sides as such. They need to sort the details out between themselves.
This must all be very draining for you on your own. By all means offload on here. I should imagine many of us have been through the upheaval of adult children getting divorced ?

I'm glad you've said you won't tell lies.
Your son probably wants you to agree with him and tell him he's doing the right thing (about leaving, or whatever he says he's going to do).
Don't do that, and stay as uninvolved as you can so that your DiL can have nothing against you.

Remember there are always two sides to the story and he's only telling you his .Dont get dragged in to his mess in case he's telling you what you want to hear instead of the truth

Welbeck they are my support bubble as I live alone. I haven't been for 3 weeks.
Thankyou NellG- I'm a wine drinker but haven't had any since Christmas- maybe I should treat myself!
Hithere yes my son is complete pain! If space permitted I could begin telling you about my DIL- they both a MH issues but she more so.
Thankyou Harris27- it is the constant roller coaster I can't deal with I really just want a quiet life!
V3ra I try not to take sides- and I'll keep you posted.

OP

How can be your support bubble if they have such a complicated situation on their hands?

This will get worse. Who will be able to help you if you need it and they are not available?

keepingquiet didn't you say on another thread that it's more a case of you supporting them?