Is it just a nana thing?

Amberone ?

janeainsworth I don't think there was any suggestion of showing devotion and cherishing ? My OH would die laughing at the idea that I was devoted to him, even though we have a great relationship ???

However, I do show an interest in him and (most of) the things he is interested in. We also have our own lives and before I retired, our own careers. To the extent that I worked in the US for 3 years and Australia for 4 years while he stayed in the UK and visited for holidays and I came home for holidays.

But I have been known to occasionally do something I am not really interested in just because it would make him happy. I listen when he talks and talk to him about things we are both interested in. We can sit in the same room for hours doing our own thing almost in silence quite happily. He knows that he's important in my life, he's my partner, not just a man who shares the same house as me. He does the same for me, by the way, it's not a one way street. After all, who wants to live with someone who has no interest in them? Not me.

That's all I meant by focusing on him a bit.

Surely it must depend on the man.

I know one step-granddad who is lovely to step Gdcs, who adore him - but then he has Gdcs of his own, so he does ‘get it’.

OTOH I knew another (no longer with us) who couldn’t understand why his wife (a 2nd marriage for both) wanted to go away for a few days to see her first newborn grandchild in another country. And became very grumpy about it. He actually said to me, ‘It’s just a baby!’

I told him to keep such sentiments strictly to himself, because people would think he was awful. He did care very much what people in general thought of him, but could be very selfish and self-centred when it came to his nearest and (supposedly) dearest.
It’s probably relevant that he’d never had any children of his own.

just the sort of colleague you can do without Polarbear!

janeainsworth

amberone Maybe you don't spend time focusing on your partner

Is one supposed to do that? Does one have to make one’s partner feel one is devoted to them?
I’ve been married to MrA for 50 years and I’ve never ‘focussed’ on him, nor him on me.
We enjoy each other’s company (some of the time) and support each other when necessary, but we’re usually focussed on our own jobs and interests.

When I divorced - not my choice - a female colleague told me I hadn’t ‘cherished’ him enough. I nearly fell off my chair. He didn’t bl**dy “cherish” me!!! I agree with you. I like a mutually supportive partnership. Haven’t got one like but it’s what I want ???

My DH wasn’t the most hands on dad to say the least but when it comes to Grandad duties, he certainly makes up for that❤️ He is just as in love and obsessed with our first GC as I am

amberone Maybe you don't spend time focusing on your partner

Is one supposed to do that? Does one have to make one’s partner feel one is devoted to them?
I’ve been married to MrA for 50 years and I’ve never ‘focussed’ on him, nor him on me.
We enjoy each other’s company (some of the time) and support each other when necessary, but we’re usually focussed on our own jobs and interests.

Hetty58

Polarbear2, a childcare bubble - is for childcare, not socialising.

Jackie12, I do think that there may be an element of jealousy involved. All that attention directed at the children - and away from him!

I’m doing childcare. I’m not socialising. Their mum works. I look after them when they’re not at nursery. Is that ok?

I think if your whole life revolves totally around your granddaughter that’s very unhealthy and abnormal, really obsessive behaviour and not good for her or yourself, but without knowing more details we can’t really say, if you think it’s normal how you are feeling , then don’t question yourself jackie12

How I curse the Smartphone. People can now WhatsApp me daily pictures and videos of their grandchildren ?

Not sure how "over the top " you are Jackie12 some grandparents harp on constantly about the achievements of their grandchildren and have reams of photos on their phones to bore you with - yawn.
My husband loves all the grandchildren but does not involve himself in their day to day lives and activities. I am the one who keeps in contact with emails, Whatsapp buying presents etc. Guess who is the favourite person when they visit though.

I have a neighbour like that.
She knocks as soon as her grandchildren go home (or did) and I get a full run down of what they ate, what they said.... yawn.

Bluebelle Ooops - you're quite right - got the op mixed up with something else I was reading.

Sorry Jackie12, just ignore me - I'm obviously having a mixed up day ?

MissA My mother is a very obsessive gran, and incredibly boring to be with, even for most of her children. My father adores his GC too, but has his own interests - I often wonder if his need to be out and about at least two days a week were partly to have more interaction with other people with more interesting conversation.

Where does it say she only sees her two times a week amber?

Quite a few nans do that, and it's nowhere near as fascinating for the listener.

You may only see your GC for two days a week but maybe you spend the rest of the time talking about them/what they are doing/have done/will do, planning for the next time you see them? Maybe you don't spend time focusing on your partner?

Polarbear2, a childcare bubble - is for childcare, not socialising.

Jackie12, I do think that there may be an element of jealousy involved. All that attention directed at the children - and away from him!

I don`t think you can ever show enough love for your G/children.
I adore my 4 and yes i treat them,but not by going over the top.
And my dh loves it when they come for a visit and if we visit them,he`s not their biolgical g/ parent but you would never know.
Maybe your dh is a little jealous.

Maybe he’s a bit jealous. My OH was a bit tetchy recently. Said I was concentrating on my DD and GC too much. It wasn’t a fair comment as I only spend maybe one/two days every other week with them (we’re in a childcare bubble). I had to gently but firmly say that tbh they were good company and I enjoyed my time with them and that wasn’t going to change. They’re not his GC btw. I’m fairly convinced that if they were his GC he’d be all over them.

Do you think he’s trying to hint that you’ve become a bit, just a bit, boring with only one topic of thought and conversation?

It’s a well known nana phenomenon ?

Adoring your grandchildren is not a gender thing it depends on you as a person. Society does try and typecast genders into specific roles and that can cause problems when people don't fit them.

Well until you tell us what over the top means we can never answer if you adore and idolise your grandchild to the detriment of others maybe you are . Do you spoil her, talk only about her to your partner ( I presume he’s not her granddad as you say he’s know her since she was 4) do you turn him down to do something with her
No one can judge as you have told us nothing
If she’s heading up to teenage years you might get a shock when she pulls away ( they always do) if you ve put all your eggs in one basket
I m guessing this is the only granddaughter maybe only grandchild
You can never love a child too much you can however indulge and adore a child too much and set them on a pedestal which isn’t a good start for the big wide world

So in answer maybe you do maybe you don’t

Yes Sara. I don’t get a look in, just dip in and out when I feel like it. And make lunch of course, he’s a hopeless cook .