Grandchildren moving house - distraught

My family have moved to three different places in England through work. You never loose them. I've never managed a day visit like LyWa but the rest of what she says is so true.

Try to think positive now especially with the news yesterday.. Keep busy and talk as much to others as possible. Exercise is a good calming activity.

I used to drive (300 miles) but now use the train+plane. I will do that again.

May I suggest that you have some counselling? Either privately, or have a word with your doctor who will be able to refer you on for some NHS counselling. You will probably be offered six sessions and from the details you have provided that should be just about the right amount. I believe some counsellors have started back doing one to one /face to face sessions but others are doing telephone counselling at the moment or electronic forms of face to face.
I believe it will be really worthwhile and will reduce your anxiety at the many different changes and potential feelings of 'loss' in your life. Good luck. xx

Fancying and doing are completely different!

What you're feeling is to be expected. However, do try and be happy for them as you would have wished your own parents to be for you if you had relocated. Also don't waste time counting chickens that may never hatch. Ours tried to move for over a year before deciding to stay put and extend. Things should be a lot easier for everyone once lockdown is over.

Just imagine the fun those children will have living by the sea, the fresh air, the different sea sports they can pursue and their joy. Isn't that what loving children is all about? Wanting their happiness even if it means you not necessarily getting what you want?
Of course it will be hard for you but try to be happy for the life they will lead. The time is coming when we will be more free to do things away from the house and meet up with other people.
As others have said, its a long way from a done deal. We want to move to be by the sea and there are a couple of things that are hampering us. It is difficult to find affordable property where you want it as seaside locations come at a premium. Many of the locations are heavily populated in the summer with limited roads in and out so traffic is a nightmare. In the South, many of the schools are over subscribed so primary schools are a nightmare to get into.
It maybe that when your family look into this closer the idea is far less attractive than the dream they have.

GranJan60 Firstly - a big hug. It will be a while before any move can happen (they have to decide on area, what accomm, where children will school etc etc and then the selling and buying) so you have no need to worry about not seeing them just yet. AND at the moment your confidence has taken a nasty knock through all this elderly and vulnerable stuff - a lot of us are with you on this. The brilliant thing is change is happening, you will soon be vaccinated (go for it - does wonders for confidence) life will slowly open up and you'll feel better as you get to do things. (I was getting worried I wouldn't cope with putting fuel in the car as it was so long since... - guess what - I managed it no problem). If you feel some of the advice on a bit of talking therapy etc could help - go for it, people don't judge the way they used to.

I think you are lucky that you will still be able to visit them, they're not leaving the country, & as previously stated, there's always public transport, just be grateful that they're not moving to Australia, you can still watch them growing up.

Oh dear, GranJan. It seems that all the ups and downs of the last year are really getting to you. After yesterday’s announcements by the PM I’ve suddenly got really excited about things I will be able to do again. First of all, you must get your confidence in driving back again. Go out for a short drive one day, then a little longer each day, until you feel happier. Just think, at the end of that drive will be your grandchildren and their mum and dad, and what’s better than a few days at the seaside to make you feel better. Onwards and upwards.

As the old advertisement said: 'Let the train take the strain'. I used to drive 150 miles at least once a month to visit my two sets of GC. Now I no longer drive long distances, I book myself a seat on a train and enjoy reading and doing crosswords. So much more relaxing than driving. Your GC are growing up and in no time at all will be teenagers who have their own lives - interests and friends. They will thrive in the healthier environment of the seaside and you could have lovely holidays visiting them. I rather envy you. I wish some of mine lived on the coast!

You are not losing them. My grandkids live over two hundred miles away from me. In two directions. I’m planning on moving closer to my youngest so will get quality time with his children. You should wish them well. For the last few years I’ve done what a lot of others do. I go visit them with suitcases full of gifts ?. But I also stay with them for a week or so. They get excited when I visit. I send each grandchild a parcel and a letter every month also video chats and I’ve got 5 of them ages 10 to 4months. In 3 different places. My youngest I’ve yet to meet due to covid and lockdown so will be hoping to meet her in may lol. One thing covid as taught us family important and you should enjoy your time with them.while they still live near by. Plus nothing stopping you moving closer to them that’s what I’m doing.

I understand your feelings.My daughter moved to Australia and I was bereft at the time. Now however ten years on I have a great relationship with my granddaughter. She has grown up with weekly FaceTime story times, we have put together a family history book, I help her with her school projects. I have of course visited Australia and they have been home many times and my granddaughter is so relaxed when we see each other. If you make an effort you will never lose the close relationship.

Are you in a situation where you could maybe move nearer to them, if not you've always got the net to say hi on etc and letters, or maybe its your time to concentrate on you and find your own thing, at 57 I've found the x box and love gameing, but they won't forget you , hope all goes well in the future.

I totally understand how you feel. After a loss I had depression and havi8my small granddaughter was the only thing that got me through. Not having seen her now hardly ever in the last year has been unbearable. So I fully understand how you feel. I can only say try not to feel panic I know you are feeling that. Very easy to say I know. But try to push the panic out of your mind. Have ypu told your family how you feel? If ypu have a good relationship with them I would. I am sure wheh and if it finally happens there will be countless times you can stay there and they can stay with you. Big chunks of grandchildren time?. I know it won't be the same but better than a lot. Try to keep your chin up( says the woman in tears every day). Best wishes.

When my DD was 2, one set of grandparents moved to be by the sea. I was, at first, puzzled why they had moved away from their first grandchild. A few years passed and it was pointed out to me that, in terms of quality days, the seaside grandparents saw more of their grandchildren than the Nan who lived just 10 miles down the road from them. We visited that Nan about once a month, but we spent 4 full weeks and several weekends spread throughout the year with seaside grandparents.

It worked well for both sets of GPs and for us.

Please don't fret over this move, you will only harm yourself. I'm sure you will be welcome for holidays when you can spend quality time with you grandchildren. Sending love and support

If you feel there’s nothing keeping you where you are and would like to be by the sea, why not move as well?

We moved away to retire to the seaside which made me think we would miss family over 100 miles away. It's not been the case as before lockdown we were lucky to get 3 weeks on our own without family visitors. Even after lockdown our DD who is bubbled with us is here at least once a month. You can always visit and get B&B locally, take the DGC to the beach etc. If your nervous of driving on the motorway there's always another quieter route that's longer but slower moving traffic, or take the train or coach.

It’s difficult but you need to let them go and be happy for them. They can’t live their lives around you, I’m sure they have taken you into account so try not to take it personally. Equally although hard for you, they are trying to give their children a happy life. You can go and stay and enjoy time with them as a family, not just looking after the children.

You won’t have lost your dgc, there will be ways to see them, although maybe not as frequently. Spare a thought for those of us with grandchildren on the other side of the world. I often feel cheated out of the lovely relationship I had with my grandparents. On the other hand they live in an amazing country and have a lifestyle that many here could only dream of and that makes me happy.
Try not to get too anxious, think positive, think of their future and wait and see where they go. Then you can start planning how you can visit.

I think it is wrong to suggest moving to be nearer to your children as it puts pressure on them an£ makes you appear needy.
It’s not fair for the young family to have to feel responsible for the oldies and I am sure they would. Far better for the grandparents to just stay put and build their own social like rather than live life through the children and grandchildren.
Much better to live separate lives but come together for quality time during visits and holidays. That way everyone can feel fulfilled and happy.

Some wonderful advice and wise words given. I totally agree with them all. My Hranny loved the other end of the country and it was a treat to go to the phone box and speak to her. We visited once a year and she was so special to me. Absence really does make the heart grow fonder. Today I keep in touch with my grand daughter by WhatsApp and text when I can’t see her. She is 15 and it’s special when we do get together. Sometimes the fear is worse than the reality.

Some of our grandchildren live in Dubai! We have always had a close relationship with them and see them about three times a year! They are now teenagers but they had a twin baby brother and sister born in March and because of the pandemic we have been unable to visit and have not met these two babies yet! We are not sure when this will happen but hopefully very soon when we are able to fly again! Our daughter and son in law keep us up to date with photos and videos which are wonderful but it has been hard knowing we have missed so much!

Completely understand how you must be feeling, try to look forward to planning visiting , something lovely to do in the train and maybe book yourself in a lovely B&B if staying with your family is not an option. It could be a lovely mini break for you too and I’m sure your family and grandchildren will miss you too and be thrilled when you visit.

Be wonderful to take your own holidays by the sea when lockdown lifts ....look forward to that ...meanwhile, you can keep in touch by phone or video call .....whilst you are sad, there are lots of grandparents who never see or hear from their children or grandchildren ...accept their decision and be glad for them ...unlike those grandparents, you have not ;LOST' your grandchildren or even children. Think positively about the future, Maybe in time you could sell up and move nearer, but above all, DO NOT tell them you are unhappy at their decision ......they may cut themselves off completly, but do be happy for them even if you don't feel it ...

When life gets back to being a little more ‘normal’, train or coach is the way to travel. My son lives in Kent, I live in Yorkshire.... Up until the pandemic, I used either National Express, or the train to ge5 to see them. Last October, I bit the bullet & drove 200 miles down to Kent!!!! I still cannot believe, that I did it!! I used Google maps on my phone & that was my back up.... Don’t stress over this move. Start doing something constructive, like looking at modes of transport, that will get you to your family. Good luck.....

Thank you all SO much for your advice and kind words of support. Will try hard to be positive and see what the future brings.