Naming of step grandparents

My Mum's Mum died just before my parents got married and my Grandad married again a few years later,(before I was born). Whilst my Mum got on really well with her Stepmum, we were not allowed to call her Gran or Nan, so we called her Aunty (followed by her first name). We were bought up with it and there was no confusion. It didn't make us think any less of her.

My husband decided that he would like to be called Grandfather when our grandchildren were born. It has never been a problem and our twin grandchildren remarked that when they were at Primary school (a little village school) they were the only pupils who had a Grandfather, everyone else had a male grandparent with a range of strange titles all seemed to be variants of slang-type names. All seem to be equally loved and respected, so if a family can happily settle on a title that is agreeable to the whole family then it is the shared love that really matters.

My daughter's two boys call my partner Grandad Kevin, their grandad on husband side is Grandad David and their great grandfather is Grandad Billy. They don't seem to find it strange that they have multiple grandads.

my mum married about 30 years ago, i called her husband by his first name and my son did the same. my son and partner had a little boy and he will call me gran or granny if he wants to, his partner also has son who is 11 and he was given the option of calling me gran or by my first name, i still refer to them as my grandsons. my brother and sisters all have kids and some of them have kids, i was never called aunty and it never bothered me.

flowerofthewestx2

My husband (stepfather to my/our children) has always been known as Grandpa...a title he certainly deserved.
There was no discussion, non was necessary. How ridiculous for the parents to insist on uncle. How cruel and thoughtless.
I would refer to him as grandpa until it sticks.

And deliberately go against parents wishes?
What a fuss being made by people old enough to know better.
OP should try for a compromise, that’s if she ever returns to the thread

I am my step-granddaughter's Gill. She has two grandmas. Well, had.

Of course it is up to your daughter what he is called. And I'm afraid it's up to her if he sees them. If she really is under her Dad's influence, at that distance there isn't a lot you can do.

Not sure the "uncle" is necessary? My husband was step-grandad to my daughter's boy who decided (of his own accord) to call him Pooh for the first twelve years of his life - no one knows why, not even him - but he now calls him grandad. His genetic grandfather is also "grandad" but there is no confusion as they are rarely together. With my son's twins I am Nanny Annie (my husband is grandad again) and daughter in law's mum is Nanny Lucy - her husband (a blood grandad to the twins) is Parla (again, no rhyme not reason). I think the children themselves will sort it out with grandad ...

My sister in law is known as Bibi instead of Nana or Grandma, maybe your hubby could do the same and choose Grandpa in another language, as uncle just doesn't seem right. Bibi is African I think for Nana. If your DH sees a name he'd like then you can ask your daughter if thats ok.
Good luck

Mrsthom1
Are you for real?
Of course he is entitled to the title of grandpa grandad or anything else he chooses. Its not the daughters choice. She is being cruel and pathetic.
These days with extended families there may be several grandparents...and yes they are all grandparents, blood or not. As I said my daughter had both dads walk her down the isle...my ex was happy to accommodate this.
One of our grandsons has 5 granddads. All have a special granddad like name.

My older grandchildren call my husband Granpa John so that there's no confusion with my ex.
My daughter kindly asked my husband what he wanted her son and any future kids to call him. He opted for pappy.
There are various options that still "mean" grandpa, so why not suggest to her one that will be different to the other grandpa? Grandad, pappy, papa, gramps, pops, pawpaw, bompa, or even something made up or from another language which isn't "uncle".
At the end of the day, it's not worth creating a scene if she won't agree and risk falling out.
Your granddaughter will no doubt be close to you and your DH as she will sense who can be trusted and loves her to bits. The depth of the relationship you both have with her will not be measured by the words she is asked to use to describe you.

My husband (stepfather to my/our children) has always been known as Grandpa...a title he certainly deserved.
There was no discussion, non was necessary. How ridiculous for the parents to insist on uncle. How cruel and thoughtless.
I would refer to him as grandpa until it sticks.

Has OP been back ??

I honestly think all these suggestions about picking a name which is basically a version of grandad (pops, Grammy, yayo etc) are wrong . The daughter doesn’t want it!

Just use his first name and ask nicely if you can drop the uncle bit as he isn’t !

Sometimes children come up with a name by themselves.

My new little minded girl (2y) refers to my husband as "your grandad," as in he's the older male person in our household.

DH and I have one daughter and 2 children each from previous marriages. Older 4 called step parent by their Christian names. DH has 4 GC and I have 5; youngest 2 are between us. All the GC call us Gran and Gramps regardless.

"Adult daughter can call her Uncle, but you as his wife can find a cute nickname for Gramps such as Bubba and when granddaughter is around you refer him as Bubba when you talk to him. The granddaughter will pick that up."

This is horrible advice.

Please do not go around disrespecting their parenting decisions - fast lane for family disagreements (visit cuts, uncomfortable discussions, etc)

My daughter-in-law always called her grandparents Ma-ma and Pa-pa, (pronounced Mar-mar and Par-par) the whole family referred to them as such. I think they're lovely, affectionate names. Perhaps an alternative for OP's husband?

My daughter is 28 and my 2nd husband (her stepfather) has been in her life since she was 5 - we married when she was 8. She has always called him by his first name as she has a relationship with her dad and I wouldn't want her calling my husband "dad" anyway.

She has a 4 year old son who calls me Nanny and my husband is called Grandad, he may not be his biological grandad and he was quite happy to be called by his first name but, as far as I'm concerned, he is my grandson's grandad as much as I am his grandmother.

My daughter is happy with this, she is the one who said he should be called Grandad and it doesn't cause anyone any offence or distress. As others have said, it's best to go with what your daughter is happy with and, in the end, it is only a name and not really worth stressing over, the relationship is more important.

Actually, in the "olden" days, if your wife died you married her sister and the kids called her mother. Grandma, Grandpa are roles. If the child was adopted, then what?? The problem is unfortunately with her grown daughter. Of course Grandpa is heartbroken. But when self centered adult children start throwing around their power, now they have children, its one of the more evil aspects of their personality. This is a power play and should be treated as such. Unfortunately, consequences can be dire. Adult daughter can call her Uncle, but you as his wife can find a cute nickname for Gramps such as Bubba and when granddaughter is around you refer him as Bubba when you talk to him. The granddaughter will pick that up.

I can only speak for myself. Grown children are only going to do what THEY want to do. They have a sense of power when the grandkids arrive. Your children are either sympathetic or not and nothing you say will be heard. Take the visits. One day the grandkids will find out. At least you get to see them. Realizing your own offspring lack empathy is probably the bigger pill to swallow.

Could this be a power struggle between two elderly males, more about ego than a word? Just askin'.

Small children love to say short peppy easy words. Choose one of the many suggestions above. I knew a step grandparent who was called Pops and it gradually became his distinctive name within the whole family, both children and adults.

I would ask for an alternative to uncle, but I would not expect a grandparent name.

However long 20 years may be for a marriage, the fact is the daughter was basically adult when stepdad became part of things. He isn't dad, he's mums husband. I'm sure that that does hurt, but it's reality. How many years did they even live in the same house?

If she doesn't see him as grandpa, then he isn't grandpa. She has the right to make that choice for her child. All you can do, OP, is choose to respond with grace and wisdom.

What about adopting a name like pops or Grampy

My father in law and mother in law both divorced and re-married.
The new wife has always called by her first name and the same with the new husband, first name, by me and the grandchildren.

Mrsthom1 what?! You realise we’re not actually living in the dark ages now, don’t you?

To call him Grandad when the child is not a blood relative is wrong on so many levels.This is exactly how many families in the dark ages didn't actually know who their blood relatives were.Also the other set of Grandparents will not be happy that a unknown man comes in to their grandchild's life and suddenly becomes that child's Grandfather.Misleading and unnecessary,his Christian name should suffice.